Thought Id start this one going because its rather dead on this board at the moment and I suppose all my usual muckers are either at the Stella tennis event watching Dim Tim (lose again) or at Henly Regatta eating cucumber sandwiches (they wish,...NOT).

Anyway please feel free to just talk to yourself blast away and let it go on any company or subject you wish. Just wish Id thought of this one before.

cheers GF.

well, today i acted like a



and very nearly got



:(

No way

bos, do us a favour and put the monkey pic on the axm thread, ppllleeeeeaaasse pretty please!

You're been very enigmatic, Bos!!!

FIVE CORPORATE LESSONS



Corporate Lesson 1

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her
shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel
and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next
door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to
drop that towel." After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel
and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800
dollars and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back
upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was
that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. "Great!" the
husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"

Moral of the story: - If you share critical information pertaining to
credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to
prevent avoidable exposure.

Corporate Lesson 2

A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs,
forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an
accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her
leg. The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his
hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The
nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest apologized
"Sorry sister but the flesh is weak." Arriving at the convent, the nun
went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look
up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find
glory."

Moral of the story: - If you are not well informed in your job, you might
miss a great opportunity.



Corporate Lesson 3

A sales rep and a administration clerk, and the manager are walking to
lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes
out. The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish." "Me
first! Me first!" says the admin. clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas,
driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof! She's gone. "Me
next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on
the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and
the love of my life." Poof! He's gone. "OK, you're up," the Genie says
to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office
after lunch."

Moral of the story: - Always let your boss have the first say.



Corporate Lesson 4

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A rabbit asked
him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?" The crow
answered: - "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the
crow, and rested. A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story: - To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting
very high up.

Corporate Lesson 5

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to
the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the
energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the
bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of
dung and found that it gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch
of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the
second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched
at the top of the tree. Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the
turkey out of the tree.

Moral of the story: - Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep
you there.

Al ,bos is acting rather strange ,i thought i must have taken too much LSD in the 80's when i looked at his last post,,is it a code ??

He's worrying me too, jimmy.
I had a Chinese friend translate teh words on the building and its something to do with Prince Charles, architecture and abnormal, and possibly impossible, sex acts.
Very weird.
Alan

I would have thought that the impossible possibly ,impossibly ,possible sex acts was something you could decipher .

I understand the practical, Its the theory I'm a bit rusty on!!!!!
Alan

aint nuffink impossible :)

It is possible that the smaller oil stocks will tomorrow go absolutely wild.

It seems that TAG & CDS have been granted licence/found Oil.

MRP made a late announcement on Friday re placement, Chaco is bubbling and is next door to CDS and EME also boiling with GOO in the background.,

I promised to help my brother move house tomoroow - this could cost me /save me a fortune - dependent on what ever happens first thing in the morning - but whateve happens - it is going to be pretty exciting I think.

Baza

I recently picked a new primary care physician.

After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing "fairly well" for my age.

A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him,

"Do you think I'll live to be 80?"

He asked, "Do you smoke tobacco or drink beer or wine?"

"Oh no," I replied. "I'm not doing drugs, either."

Then he asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?"

I said, "No, my other Doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!"

"Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?"

"No, I don't," I said.

He asked, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?"

No," I said. "I don't do any of those things."

He looked at me and said, "Then why do you give a shit?"

Two blonde girls were working for the city public works department. One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind her and fill the hole in.

They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one girl digging a hole, the other girl filling it in again.

An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what they were doing. So he asked the hole digger, "I'm impressed by the effort you two are putting into your work, but I don't get it -- why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?"

The hole digger wiped her brow and sighed, "Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we're normally a three-person team. But today the girl who plants the trees called in sick

time to give up the fags .....

bos, you seem to be an expert and copying pics onto here, to you think you get this one on. its interactive!

http://www.office-humour.com/pop.cfm?link=http://www.fun.from.hell.pl/2003-02-18/peeping.swf

Bos good jokes , but if you have to put up pictures of girls bums.

lovely bikini. :)

thats a no then lol

Just getting in some practice