Thought Id start this one going because its rather dead on this board at the moment and I suppose all my usual muckers are either at the Stella tennis event watching Dim Tim (lose again) or at Henly Regatta eating cucumber sandwiches (they wish,...NOT).

Anyway please feel free to just talk to yourself blast away and let it go on any company or subject you wish. Just wish Id thought of this one before.

cheers GF.

Christ. kims turned into Fred Elliot!!!

Ooerr missus, got a bit over-excited there! Don't why that happened.

polka dot bikini . Only in America .

Whys that dog got a javelin in the back of its neck?

And its bikini line needs doing.

polka dog bikini !

They should get it waxed Al ...

It's a Yorkshire terrier so that must be Alan's job.

how cruel is that!!!!

Headline;

Scientists minaturise dog to be almost as small as sperm

Are there any serious investors in NOWT on here?
Bloody childish, the lot of you.
We're meant to be making money investing in NOWT, not telling peurile jokes.
Pah Humbug.

On a mad impulse I just bought a v small amount of MEA, don't know why, must have been word association looking at the dog's bollocks and MEA at the same time. :-(

On a serious note for a moment, Swinton Insurance are going around trying to buy up the client banks of small independant brokers.
They are not a listed company here, but they are a wholly owned subsidiary of MMA which I believe to be a French insurer, I just don't know if they are listed or not. Swinton obviously have plans to get much bigger, and quickly.
Might be worth a look. (If MMA are listed).
Alan

This is one of the best comeback lines of all time. It is a portion of a National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a female broadcaster and US Marine Corps General Reinwald who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military installation.

Regardless of how you feel about guns you will love this!!!!

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?

GENERAL REINWALD: We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?

GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?

GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: But you're equipping them to become violent killers.

GENERAL REINWALD: Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?

The radio went silent and the interview ended.

Yes, my broker has been taken over by Swinton. MMA are part of MMA IARD (I think that's what it is),you are right Alan it is a French co. Haven't been able to find them in the FTSE.
Kim

jj :-) That reminds me of a chap near Glasgow who inherited his grandfather's house. There was on old whiskey still in a shed but he did nothing about it. Somehow or other the police heard it was there and arrested the fella for have an illegal still. He made his objections in court but was nevertheless found guilty of possessing the equipment and fined 500 Scottish pound notes. Before leaving he asked to be tried for rape. The horrified judge asked him if it was really true and the chap replied "Nay, but I hae the equipment" His 500 fine was rescinded!
Kim

Have just had a lot of activity near my local church,what has happened the kids are on holiday this week from school and have crept into the church to steel bits and pieces,and the vicar has heard them and tried to stop them and apparantly these kids have panicked and thrown Domestos in the vicars eyes,the police have caught the kids and are charging them with...........















Bleach of the priest :-)))))

Mega...

Stick to bees, Mega ;)

True Quotes from Actual Employee Evaluations

"Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has now started to dig."

"I would not allow this employee to breed."

"This employee is not really so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't be."

"Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."

"When she opens her mouth, it seems it is only to change feet."

"He would be out of his depth in a car park puddle."

"This young lady has delusions of adequacy."

"He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."

"This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."

"This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better."

"Got a full six-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together."

"A gross ignoramus--144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."

"I would like to go hunting with him sometime."

"I would not trust him to find his own way home in the dark"

"He's been working with glue too much."

"He would argue with a sign post."

"He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."

"When his I.Q. reaches 50, he should sell."

"If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one."

"A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."

"The gene pool this employee evolved from requires drastic cleansing"

"A prime candidate for natural de-selection."

"Unfortunately, this employee has an IQ lower than his shoe size.

"Donated his brain to science before he was finished using it."

"Has two brains: one is lost and the other is constantly out looking for it."

"If you gave him a penny for his thoughts, you'd still want change."

"If you stand close enough to him, you would swear you can hear the ocean."

"It's hard to believe that he managed to beat 10,000,000 other sperms."

"Takes him two hours to watch 60 Minutes."

FINANCIAL JOKE

An Australian guy goes into a bar in the Greek Islands. Jill, the Australian barmaid takes his order and notices his Australian accent.

Over the course of the night they talk quite a bit. At the end of the night he asks her if she wants to have sex with him. Although she is attracted to him she says no. He then offers to pay her $200 for the deed. Jill is travelling the world and because she is short of funds she agrees.

The next night the guy turns up again and after showing her plenty of attention throughout the night he asks if she will sleep with him again for $200. She figures in for a penny in for a pound - and it was fantastic the night before - so she agrees.

This goes on for 5 nights. On the sixth night the guy comes into the bar. But this night he orders a beer and just goes and sits in the corner.

Jill is disappointed and thinks that maybe she should pay him more attention.

She goes over and sits next to him. She asks him where he is from and he tells her Melbourne.

"So am I" she says.

"What suburb in Melbourne."

"Glen Iris" he says.

"That's amazing" she says, "so am I - what street?"

"Cameo street" he says."

"This is unbelievable" she says, "what number?"

He says "Number 20" and she is astonished.

"You are not going to believe this" she says, "I'm from number 22 and my parents still live there!"

"I know" he says "... your father gave me $1,000 to give you!"