Thought Id start this one going because its rather dead on this board at the moment and I suppose all my usual muckers are either at the Stella tennis event watching Dim Tim (lose again) or at Henly Regatta eating cucumber sandwiches (they wish,...NOT).

Anyway please feel free to just talk to yourself blast away and let it go on any company or subject you wish. Just wish Id thought of this one before.

cheers GF.

Wonder if we've got a mini-bos yet?
Rumour has it, bos was trying to set up a spread bet on the babys weight, with Sporting Index.

Al , is it due now ?? and if it is we should have bet on the weight here ..

Its overdue, Jimmy.
I'll go for 8lb 4oz.
I was gonna organise a sweepstake on the babys name but bos was too likely to win.

Speaking of names, I am facinated by the history and meaning of names.
Not knowing anyone elses real name on here I looked up Ian Tullet (MAMs glorious leader)
Apparantly Tullet comes from the ancient Anglo Saxon meaning strong, handsome, popular, wise, wealthy and sophisticated.
Ian comes from the old Celtic languages and means "not very".
Alan

Thats your free membership gone !! , Right if it's overdue ,i'm going for a heavy one ,put me in for 8lbs 10oz ...

Current list of entries;
Alan 8lb 4oz
Jimmy 8lb 10oz

First prize is 3 nights of babysitting, kindly donated by bos.
Any more entries?
Closing date is 30 mins before the birth.

8lbs 6oz for me,what happens if its twins is it the total weight :-)

Mega...

If that's the prize ,i'm going for Lightheavy weight , thats 12 stone 7 lbs .

bos tells me he has been trying to bring on the birth with curries every night, bumpy car rides and him having sex 4 times a day for the last week.
He wasn't sure how well it would work, with him being away from home in Amsterdam, but he phones every night and it still isn't here.

bugger!! sussed!!!
firstly, it's not twins, secondly the midwife has said it feels like a big 'un. thirdly , it's getting bigger by the day . the bugger's going to completely ruin things for me :( i mean, how do you compete with a babbi's yed????
speaking of which , i had a friend who went to london for a night out. feeling full of beer and hungry he went into a chippy and asked for a babbi's yed (pudding), chips and pea wet (mushy peas)..... and got stared at for about five minutes while they tried to figure out which county he was from !!!!
speaking of which, a couple from wigan go on holiday to benidorm to celebrate their 25th wedding anniversary. the wife decides to surprise her husband by making his favourite dish of meat 'n' potato pie, chips and peas. as he sits down to enjoy it they realise there is no gravy . hurriedly , the wife goes to the appartment next to them , knocks on the door and says to their neighbour, " 'ast any bisto?"





"i'm terribly sorry," says the neighbour, " i don't speak spanish ....."

Flat caps and mushey peas bos ,you should need a passport to come down here.. . Now if the midwife says its a big'un i might be in for first prize .

What a dour day for the market .

certainly is , jimmy. could do with cheering up here. anyone got any good jokes ?

It will all turn blue again tomorrow, just another one of those down days .
Horse walks in to a bar ,,the landlord says ,why the long face . Sorry.

oh geez!!!

thanks to fundie for this one.

A loud pounding on the door awakens a man and his wife at 3 o'clock in the
morning. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger,
standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is three o'clock in the morning!"

He slams the door and returns to bed. "Who was that?" asked his wife.

"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.

"Did you help him?" she asks.

"No I did not. It is three in the morning and it is pouring out there!"

"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about
three months ago when we broke down and those two guys helped us?

I think you should help him, and should be ashamed of your self!"

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding

rain.

He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"

"Yes," comes back the answer.

"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.

Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.

"Where are you?" asks the husband.

"Over here on the swing!" replies the drunk.

JOKE OF THE DAY

World Order Politics - (as explained by the use of two cows)

Feudalism
You have two cows. Your Lord and Master takes all the milk he wants.

Pure Socialism
You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you all the milk you need.

Bureaucratic Socialism
Ex-chicken farmers care for your cows. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs the regulations say you should need.

Fascism
You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.

Pure Communism
You have two cows. Your neighbours help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.

Real World Communism
You share two cows with your neighbours. You and your neighbours bicker about who has the most "ability" and who has the most "need". Meanwhile, no one works, no one gets any milk, and the cows drop dead of starvation.

Russian Communism
You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the black market.

Perestroika
You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the Mafia takes all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the "free" market.

Cambodian Communism
You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.

Militarianism
You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you into the army.

Totalitarianism
You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.

Pure Democracy
You have two cows. Your neighbours decide who gets the milk.

Representative Democracy
You have two cows. Your neighbours pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.

British Democracy
You have two cows. You feed them sheep brains and they go mad. The government doesn't do anything.

Bureaucracy
You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

Pure Anarchy
You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbours try to take the cows and kill you.

Pure Capitalism
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

Capitalism
You don't have any cows. The bank will not lend you any money to buy cows, because you don't have any cows to put up as collateral.

Environmentalism
You have two cows. The government bans you from milking or killing them.

Political Correctness
You are associated with (the concept of "ownership" is a symbol of the phallocentric, war mongering, intolerant past) two differently aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of non-specified gender.

Surrealism
You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

Now that, I like

ANOTHER JOKE OF THE DAY

WHY?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery?"

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

Why is a boxing ring square?

Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?

Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is it that rain drops but snow falls?

Why is it that to stop Windows 2000, you have to click on "Start?"

Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavour when dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there a 'mouse-flavoured' cat food?

You know that little indestructible 'black box' that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?

Why do you need a driver's license to buy booze when you can't drink and drive?

PLEASE TELL ME WHY!