Thought Id start this one going because its rather dead on this board at the moment and I suppose all my usual muckers are either at the Stella tennis event watching Dim Tim (lose again) or at Henly Regatta eating cucumber sandwiches (they wish,...NOT).

Anyway please feel free to just talk to yourself blast away and let it go on any company or subject you wish. Just wish Id thought of this one before.

cheers GF.

not yet :(

soooo funky

Duck story

A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of lager and a ham sandwich.
The landlord looks at him and says, "But you're a duck."

"I see your eyes are working," replies the duck.

"And you talk!" exclaims the landlord.

"I see your ears are working," says the duck, "Now can I have my beer and my sandwich please?"

The landlord brings the sandwich and beer.

"I'm working on the building site across the road," explains the duck.

Then the duck drinks his beer, eats his sandwich and leaves.

This continues for 2 weeks.

Then one day the circus comes to town. The ringleader of the circus comes into the pub and the landlord says to him,
"You're with the circus aren't you? I know this duck that would be just brilliant in your circus, he talks, drinks beer and everything!"

"Sounds marvellous," says the ringleader, "get him to give me a call."

So the next day w! hen the duck comes into the pub the landlord says,
"Hey Mr Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money!"

"Yeah?" says the duck, "Sounds great, where is it?"

"At the circus," says the landlord.

"The circus?" the duck enquires.
"That's right," replies the landlord.

"The circus? That place with the big tent? With all the animals? With the big canvas roof with the hole in the middle?" asks the duck.

"That's right!" says the landlord.

The duck looks confused, " er...What the f**k would they want with a plasterer?"

it's a girl. she's a big 'un. didn't really go to plan , but all's well that ends well :))))

and she's gorgeous.

Congratulations to you all Bos. Hope you haven't got too many broken fingers!
kim

Heyyy well done guys :)

Happy Feet :)

Blimey I still don't know how to post video thingies so you'll just have to click on Baby Mumble yourself, bos.
Oh and My Way, if you must :)

Congratulations Bos :-)

Many congrats Bos and Mrs Bos.
Understand the "alls well that ends well" bit, after the complications and emergencies that went with our enormous 3rd child!! But that bit is soon frorgotten cos this is now the start of something very special for you.
Very best of luck to you all.
Alan & Heather
PS if its a girl, I'm told Ermintrude Fiona is a very popular choice of name right now.

Congratulations to you both-a gorgeous girl! well done Mum! cheers MP

Congratulations Bos [& Mrs Bos - especially as she did the hard bit]. Now the fun times begin

bos
Congratulations bos it took its time must have been clinging to the sides, whens the next one.

thank you all for your congratulations. still on cloud 9 and luvin' it :))

Only just got home from away ,, congratulations bos , years of happiness ahead of you ,:-) ..
PS whats the weight ,Al and me are running a book on it .

A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing
a suitcase.
He asks, "What are you doing?" She answers, "I'm
moving to Sydney. I heard prostitutes there get paid
$400 for doing what I do for you for free."

Later that night, on her way out, the wife walks into
the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase.
When she asks him where he's going, he replies, "I'm
coming too I want to see how you live on $800 a year".

An Essex girl is involved in a nasty car crash and is trapped and
bleeding.

The paramedics soon arrive on site.

Medic: "It's OK I'm a paramedic and I'm going to ask you some
questions?"

Girl: "OK"

Medic: "What's your name?"

Girl: "Sharon."

Medic: "OK Sharon, is this your car?"

Sharon: "Yes."

Medic: "Where are you bleeding from?"

Sharon: "Romford, mate."

Subject: White House Breakfast

WHITE HOUSE BREAKFAST

Dick Cheney and George W. Bush were having breakfast at the White House.

The attractive waitress asks Cheney what he would like, and he replies,
"I'd like a bowl of oatmeal and some fruit."

"And what can I get for you, Mr. President?"

George W. replies with his trademark wink and slight grin, "How about a
quickie this morning?"

"Why, Mr. President!" the waitress exclaims "How rude! You're starting to
act like Mr. Clinton, and you've only been in your second term of office for
a year! ''

As the waitress storms away, Cheney leans over to Bush and
whispers..."It's pronounced 'quiche'."

Subject: Chinese Chef

A Chinese couple gets married - and she's a virgin. Truth be told, he
is not too experienced either. On their wedding night, she cowers
naked under the sheets as her husband undresses. He climbs in next to
her and tries to be reassuring.

"My darring" he says, "I know dis yo firss time and you berry frighten.
I pomise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting - juss anyting
you want. What chou want?" he says, trying to sound experienced and
hoping to impress his virgin bride.

A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently (and eagerly) for
her request. She eventually replies shyly and unsure,
"I want to try someting I have heard about... numbaa 69".

More thoughtful silence, this time from him. Eventually, in a puzzled
tone he queries...

"You want... Chicken wiff broccori?"

For anyone who has to deal with HM Taxes.

At the end of the tax year, the Tax Office sent an inspector to audit the books of a synagogue. While he was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and said: "I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle drippings?" Good question," noted the Rabbi. "We save them up and send them back to the candle makers, and every now and then they send us a free box of candles." Oh," replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way: "What about all these biscuit purchases? What do you do with the crumbs?" Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi, realising that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. "We collect them and send them back to the manufacturers, and every now and then they send a free box of holy biscuits." I see," replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all Rabbi. "Well, Rabbi," he went on, "what do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?"

Here, too, we do not waste," answered the Rabbi. "What we do is save up all the foreskins and send them to the Tax Office, and about once a year they send us a complete dick ".