Thought Id start this one going because its rather dead on this board at the moment and I suppose all my usual muckers are either at the Stella tennis event watching Dim Tim (lose again) or at Henly Regatta eating cucumber sandwiches (they wish,...NOT).

Anyway please feel free to just talk to yourself blast away and let it go on any company or subject you wish. Just wish Id thought of this one before.

cheers GF.

Congratulations Bos [& Mrs Bos - especially as she did the hard bit]. Now the fun times begin

bos
Congratulations bos it took its time must have been clinging to the sides, whens the next one.

thank you all for your congratulations. still on cloud 9 and luvin' it :))

Only just got home from away ,, congratulations bos , years of happiness ahead of you ,:-) ..
PS whats the weight ,Al and me are running a book on it .

A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing
a suitcase.
He asks, "What are you doing?" She answers, "I'm
moving to Sydney. I heard prostitutes there get paid
$400 for doing what I do for you for free."

Later that night, on her way out, the wife walks into
the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase.
When she asks him where he's going, he replies, "I'm
coming too I want to see how you live on $800 a year".

An Essex girl is involved in a nasty car crash and is trapped and
bleeding.

The paramedics soon arrive on site.

Medic: "It's OK I'm a paramedic and I'm going to ask you some
questions?"

Girl: "OK"

Medic: "What's your name?"

Girl: "Sharon."

Medic: "OK Sharon, is this your car?"

Sharon: "Yes."

Medic: "Where are you bleeding from?"

Sharon: "Romford, mate."

Subject: White House Breakfast

WHITE HOUSE BREAKFAST

Dick Cheney and George W. Bush were having breakfast at the White House.

The attractive waitress asks Cheney what he would like, and he replies,
"I'd like a bowl of oatmeal and some fruit."

"And what can I get for you, Mr. President?"

George W. replies with his trademark wink and slight grin, "How about a
quickie this morning?"

"Why, Mr. President!" the waitress exclaims "How rude! You're starting to
act like Mr. Clinton, and you've only been in your second term of office for
a year! ''

As the waitress storms away, Cheney leans over to Bush and
whispers..."It's pronounced 'quiche'."

Subject: Chinese Chef

A Chinese couple gets married - and she's a virgin. Truth be told, he
is not too experienced either. On their wedding night, she cowers
naked under the sheets as her husband undresses. He climbs in next to
her and tries to be reassuring.

"My darring" he says, "I know dis yo firss time and you berry frighten.
I pomise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting - juss anyting
you want. What chou want?" he says, trying to sound experienced and
hoping to impress his virgin bride.

A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently (and eagerly) for
her request. She eventually replies shyly and unsure,
"I want to try someting I have heard about... numbaa 69".

More thoughtful silence, this time from him. Eventually, in a puzzled
tone he queries...

"You want... Chicken wiff broccori?"

For anyone who has to deal with HM Taxes.

At the end of the tax year, the Tax Office sent an inspector to audit the books of a synagogue. While he was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and said: "I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle drippings?" Good question," noted the Rabbi. "We save them up and send them back to the candle makers, and every now and then they send us a free box of candles." Oh," replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way: "What about all these biscuit purchases? What do you do with the crumbs?" Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi, realising that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. "We collect them and send them back to the manufacturers, and every now and then they send a free box of holy biscuits." I see," replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all Rabbi. "Well, Rabbi," he went on, "what do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?"

Here, too, we do not waste," answered the Rabbi. "What we do is save up all the foreskins and send them to the Tax Office, and about once a year they send us a complete dick ".

A bear, a lion and a chicken meet.

Bear says: "if I roar in the forest, the entire forest is shivering with
fear."

Lion says: "if I roar in the desert, the entire desert is afraid of me."

Says the chicken: "big deal I only have to cough, and the entire planet
s***'s itself."

Good morning Baza, and welcome back.
jet-lag???? Posting at this time???
Alan

Morning Alan - yep - got back yesterday afternoon - but Goa is 5.5 hours ahead of UK - so my body clock says its 1pm at the moment - have been up since 5am.

Goa was wonderful daytime temperatures arounf 33 - night time around 24/25. I am basically a beach bum at heart so spent most of the time on the beach this year, reading and listening to music - something that I rarely get to do at home - having seen most of the sights in previous yeas. The beaches are wonderful, the hotels are ok - but good by Indian standards, the food is excellent and the people extremely frindly. The only criticism that I have is the amount of litter and rubbish that lies around - and plastic bags and bottles everywhere - matbe an opportunity for SEO ??

Baza

Bos - Many congratulations to you and the missus. Hope you get as much joy from your children as we have from ours. Well done

Baza

I'd love to see Goa, so I am jealous.
Went to Sri Lanka years ago and the people were so warm we felt like kings.
When you get through the SEO thread you'll see that too many products and opportunities is a problem for SEO (In the considered opinion of us know-it-alls) so I don't think we're looking for another one!!
Shame really, cos this morning I read that bottled water is getting polluted by deadly toxins that are leaching into it from the PLA based plastic bottles it is sold in. I wonder if Starpol contains the same toxins???
Alan

And so ends another day of delusions and shattered dreams.
None of my stocks announced the discovery of a cure for cancer or the secret of eternal life (not suprising really since I'm not in any Pharmaceuticals), so none of them have risen by 6 quizziollion%.
That means at least another day of working for a living. :-(((
Alan

brought my girls home today. i can look after them now. feel like i've won the lottery .... twice.


don't worry, i'll stop being a soft git soon enough and normal service will resume as normal :))

nothing like a bit of peace and quiet .......





and this is nothing like a bit of peace and quiet !!!!

Never mind, bos.
It will only be about 20 years and then you can look back and laugh about it.
Alan

And by that time you'll be skint.:-)

Of course, you could just ask your fillipino to do the night shift.