Thought Id start this one going because its rather dead on this board at the moment and I suppose all my usual muckers are either at the Stella tennis event watching Dim Tim (lose again) or at Henly Regatta eating cucumber sandwiches (they wish,...NOT).

Anyway please feel free to just talk to yourself blast away and let it go on any company or subject you wish. Just wish Id thought of this one before.

cheers GF.

Happy Birthday EG :)

Woodie cleverly used the other thread to put you of track so I have posted it on here take note of the time LOL.

WOODIE - 11 Apr 2006 07:18 - 7 of 9
i started the original thread before this company come to market ,being offered shares at 2.5 pence, at the time it was a good trading play sold out after a few months,but now i agree with scrip anyone wanting to buy these shares i would ask you to look at the rnss that have been released since they come to market and you will see, not much headway has been done it terms of revenue.i would avoided.

driver - 11 Apr 2006 11:53 - 8 of 9
WOODIE
Any other shares you are avoiding UBT are up 47.8%

I would be very grateful to hear of any news (good?) if possible,on Gravity diamonds.

This sort of news?:-


GRAVITY DIAMONDS LIMITED

(ASX & AIM : GRN)

10 April 2006


GRAVITY TO START EXTENSIVE 2006 AEROMAGNETIC SURVEY
OVER FURTHER BLOCKS OF KASAI CRATON IN DRC



Please refer to the attached PDF for the latest DRC project update of Gravity
Diamonds Limited.


Paste the following link into your web browser to download the PDF document
related to this announcement:

http://www.rns-pdf.londonstockexchange.com/rns/2617b_-2006-4-10.pdf

Or the sort my wife gave me yesterday - "If you don't get me a diamond by the weekend, you will not begin to comprehend the gravity of the situation."
kim

Diamonds are only bits of coal that got lucky

That's what I told my wife before she threw her gift on the fire.

Well it's nice to know that chocolate's good for the heart.
So I'm doing my bit now.

six inches enough for you?

"Doctor, Doctor. I keep seeing naked women in my sleep"!
"Have you seen a psychiatrist"?
"No. Just naked women"!

10 Days to the new cricket season and only 11 weeks to my holidays.
Not that i'm counting, you understand.............

Good to catch up with you all - not enough semi naked women though.

For those of you that are retired - you might like to take my lead here.

Working people frequently ask us retired people what we do to make our
days interesting. Well, for example, the other day I went into town and
went to a small shop down on High Street. I was only in there for about
10 minutes. When I came out, there was a traffic warden writing out a parking ticket.

I went up to him and said, "Come on buddy, how about giving a senior citizen a
break?"

He looked up, then ignored me and continued writing the ticket. I called
him a heartless Nazi bastard. He glared at me and then started writing
another ticket for worn tyres. So I called him a piece of stinking dog
shit. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windscreen with
the first. I called him an asshole and a pig. Then he started writing
a third ticket. I called his mother a slut and a whore.
This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I verbally abused him, the
more tickets he wrote.

Personally, I didn't give a shit. I came into town on the bus. I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired. It's important at my age.

Tee Hee

Baza

I thought cricket was a dirty word at the moment! For my holidays this year I think I might take a tour of the country and pull Baza's trick in every town that I go to - it sounds damned good to me! Not that I would wish any more problems for the downtrodden motorist.........traffic wardens though....(got nothing against them really, or tax inspectors).

If a traffic warden and a tax inspector were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?

Nice one baza ,,Kim i would do neither i'd stand on their heads !!
no one hates Traffic Wardens more than me .

Kim, I once heard it asked a different way;

Q; You are trapped in a lift with Osama bin Laden, Saddam Hussein and a traffic warden. You have a gun and only 2 bullets. What do you do?

A; Shoot the traffic Warden. Twice.

A truck driver used to amuse himself by running over traffic wardens he saw walking down the side of the road. Every time he saw a traffic warden walking along the road, he swerved to hit him and there would be a loud "THUMP". Then he would swerve back on the road.
One day, as the truck driver was driving along the road he saw a priest hitchhiking. He thought he would do a good deed and pulled the truck over. "Where are you going, Father?" The truck driver asked. "Im going to the church 5 miles down the road", replied the priest.
"No problem, Father! Ill give you a lift. Climb in the truck". The happy priest climbed into the passenger seat and the truck driver continued down the road. Suddenly, the truck driver saw a traffic warden walking down the road. Instinctively he swerved to hit him. At the last moment he remembered there was a priest in the truck with him, so he swerved back to the road and narrowly missed the traffic warden. Certain he shouldve missed the traffic warden, the truck driver was very surprised and immediately uneasy when he heard a loud "THUMP". He felt really guilty about his actions and so turned to the priest and said, "Im really sorry Father. I almost hit that traffic warden". "Thats okay", replied the priest. "I got him with the door."

Whats the difference between a traffic warden and a bucket of shit?


The bucket

A priest, a doctor, and a traffic warden were waiting one morning on a particularly slow group of golfers. "Whats wrong with these guys?" fumed the traffic warden. "We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" "I dont know," said the doctor, "but Ive never seen such ineptitude!"
"Here comes the greenskeeper," said the priest. "Lets have a word with him. Say, George, whats with that group ahead of us? Theyre rather slow. arent they?" "Oh, yes," said George, "Thats the group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight while saving our club last year. We let them play here anytime free of charge!" Everyone was silent for a moment. Then the priest said, "Thats so sad, I think Ill say a prayer for them tonight." "And Im going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there is anything he can do for them," the doctor added.

"Why cant they play at night?" asked the traffic warden.

An elderly patient needed a heart transplant and discussed his options with his doctor.
The doctor said, We have three possible donors; tell me which one you want to use. One is a young, healthy athlete who died in an automobile accident. The second is a middle-aged businessman who never drank or smoked, he fell off his motorbike. The third is a traffic warden who just died after giving tickets for 30 years. Ill take the traffic wardens heart, said the patient. After a successful transplant, the doctor asked the patient why he had chosen the donor he did. It was easy, the patient replied. I wanted a heart that hadnt been used.

If there are any traffic wardens reading this thread I wish to dissociate myself from recent posts, my identity has been stolen....but if there aren't any.....

Whats the difference between a porcupine and a car with two traffic wardens riding in it?
A porcupine has pricks on the outside.

Change of Topic

Three ladies were having lunch together and discussing the merits of Cosmetic surgery.

The first lady say's, " I need to be honest with you girls, I'm getting a boob job done."

The second lady say's, " Oh that's nothing! I'm having a face lift next week.

The third lady say's, " Well hell girls, that's all very well but I've gotta tell you I'm thinking of having my arsehole bleached!"

To which the first lady replies, "Holy shit Wendy.........you know, I just can't picture your husband as a blonde ......"