Thought Id start this one going because its rather dead on this board at the moment and I suppose all my usual muckers are either at the Stella tennis event watching Dim Tim (lose again) or at Henly Regatta eating cucumber sandwiches (they wish,...NOT).

Anyway please feel free to just talk to yourself blast away and let it go on any company or subject you wish. Just wish Id thought of this one before.

cheers GF.

A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes

in and informs the dad that his son was born without torso, arms or legs.

The son is just a head! But the dad loves his son and raises

him as well as he can, with love and compassion.



After 18 years, the son is now old enough for his first drink.

Dad takes him to the bar, tearfully tells the son he is proud of

him and orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the

bar patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in

disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol.



Swoooosh! Plop!! A torso pops out! The bar is dead silent; then

bursts into whoops of joy. The father, shocked, begs his son to drink again.

The patrons chant "Take another drink!"

The bartender continues to shake his head in dismay. Swoooosh!

Plip!

Plop!!

Two arms pop out.



The bar goes wild. The father, crying and wailing, begs his son

to drink again. The patrons chant, "Take another drink! Take another

drink!!" The bartender ignores the whole affair and goes back to

polishing glasses, shaking his head" clearly unimpressed by the amazing scenes.

By now the boy is getting tipsy, but with his new hands he reaches down,

grabs his drink and guzzles the last of it.

Plop!

Plip!!

Two legs pop out.



The bar is in chaos. The father falls to his knees and

tearfully thanks God. The boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the left then

staggers to the right through the front door, into the street, where a

truck runs over him and kills him instantly. The bar falls silent.

The father moans in grief. The bartender sighs and says,

(Wait for it)







































(It's coming)





































(Ya ready?)







































(Don't hate me)





































(Ya gonna hate me)













































"He should've quit while he was a head!"

lol

This might cheer someone up;

2% or 98%

This is strange...can you figure it out?

Are you the 2% or 98% of the population?

Follow the instructions! NO PEEKING AHEAD!

* Do the following exercise, guaranteed to raise an eyebrow.

* There's no trick or surprise.

* Just follow these instructions, and answer the questions one at a time and as quickly as you can!
* Again, as quickly as you can but don't advance until you've done each of them ... really. * Now, scroll down (but not too fast, you might miss something.)

































Think of a number from 1 to 10














































Multiply that number by 9
















































If the number is a 2-digit number, add the digits together












































Now subtract 5















































Determine which letter in the alphabet corresponds to the number you ended up with

(example: 1=a, 2=b, 3=c,etc.)













































Think of a country that starts with that letter.










































Remember the last letter of the name of that country.
















































Think of the name of an animal that starts with that letter.
















































Remember the last letter in the name of that animal.















































Think of the name of a fruit that starts with that letter.






































Are you thinking of a Kangaroo in Denmark eating an Orange ?

i got a cat eating a tangerine in the dominican republic.

Awkward bugger

I got a Lama eating an apple in Brazil ,just don't ask me how .

Jimmy, hows your maths???

I got a Kudu eating god knows what in Denamrk!!

My maths is ok Al ,i think its my animals and fruit im not up on i'll have another go .

It's an Ant munching on a Guava in Kazkhstan.

I'm off home

I've a tortoise with the biggest joint sitting inside a dutch cafe!

Al
I got this.

LOL !!! how did you think that one up ,,sure your not sitting with him .

jimmy

His sitting on my lap

Actually driver today i don't blame you.

This is more like it

Don't know which one i prefer .

Just remembered, I never brought you up to date on my weekend cricket exploits!!
I had wormed my way into the 1st XI, only for that match to be cancelled due to the pitch being under more water than the Marianas trench, while the 2nd XI won a fine victory at home.
Bloody typical. My day to shine and its all over cos of the weather. The 1st XI batsman I was replacing got 95 Not Out and will be back in the 1st XI next week and I'll go back down again. Life is so unfair.
Anyway, both teams are in round 2 of the cup and the 1st XI are unbeaten at the top of the league while us mere mortals have moved off the bottom and lie 2nd bottom.
Hoping the weather clears up enough that we don't need Jacques Cousteau as an umpire this weekend.
Alan