Thought Id start this one going because its rather dead on this board at the moment and I suppose all my usual muckers are either at the Stella tennis event watching Dim Tim (lose again) or at Henly Regatta eating cucumber sandwiches (they wish,...NOT).

Anyway please feel free to just talk to yourself blast away and let it go on any company or subject you wish. Just wish Id thought of this one before.

cheers GF.

Nice to hear Al , i'll save that get well soon card .

Is that Peter Crouch showing us his a dab hand in goal?

KD.

They're not on line, explosive. They were e-mailed to me so I can't do that!
Alan

Just looking back over my memorabilia from yesterday and the highlight is the pit computer print off from my best lap in the Formula Palmer-Audi single seater.
Tight circuit and you are totally on your own. No instructor, no intercom, just your own abilities and a race prepared super fast piece of metal.
The print out shows speed, engine speed, throttle depression and gear selection as a graph around the circuit and is overlaid on the best lap achieved in an identical car by Justin Wilson, Formula One driver.
Our traces are almost identical on speed, though his is higher than mine and he achieved an average 109.7 MPH. I got an average 96.9MPH round the track, so I was within 11 MPH of a world class professional driver!!
How satisfying is that?
I could go on for days, and bore you all senseless.
Alan

and you probably will ....... :))

sounds like a fun day out.

Brings back the memories Alan. Scariest moments I had after similar day at Silverstone 15 years or so ago was on the drive back home - kept having the urge to overtake on blind bends. Still have the overalls they handed out on the day, albiet now patched up after I accidentally fell into the pit in the garage last year!

Thanks for sorting out my next Christmas pressie Alan, I'm always stuck when asked what I want....it has to be a JP day now!! I had a day at Oulton Park a few years ago, a track I love, but they tend to try to restrict your speed...but hey!, who's going to jump into the track to stop you?! Apparently I will need plastic surgery and a change of name before I will be allowed back!

Top Ten Reasons Why Racing Is Better Than Sex
10- It is socially acceptable to race while others watch.
9- During a real hot lap, if you call your car the wrong name, it will still finish the race.
8- Cars with small engines often outperform big engines.
7- You don't have to sit through dinner and a show before you race.
6- Your race car won't leave you if you drive another car.
5- You can drive hard, right from the start.
4- You and your car always finish at the same time.
3- You always know where to put your hands.
2- Your car will never stop running just because you forgot the day you bought it.
1- The crowd cheers when you finish first.
kim

I'm gonna risk the wrath of Ian and JT with a bit of unauthorised advertising!!!
Check it out.
Still on cloud 9 here!!!


Stupidly fast cars

JOKE OF THE DAY

George Bush was out jogging one morning along the parkway when he tripped, fell over the bridge railing and landed in the creek below.

Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, three kids, who were fishing, pulled him out of the water.

He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted.

The first kid said, "I sure would like to go to Disneyland."

George said, "No problem. I'll take you there on Air Force One."

The second kid said, "I really need a new pair of Nike Air Jordan's."

George said, "I'll get them for you and even have Michael sign them!"

The third kid said, "I want a motorized wheelchair with a built-in TV and stereo headset!"

George Bush is a little perplexed by this and says, "But son, you don't look like you are handicapped."

The kid says, "No, I'm not, but I f*#king will be after my dad finds out I saved your sorry arse from drowning!"

Brilliant - heres another one - not quite as good though

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.
Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them, and hides in the
bedroom cupboard to watch.
The woman's husband also comes home unexpectedly.
She puts her lover in the cupboard, not realising that the little boy is in
there already.
The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a football."
Man - "That's nice."
Boy - "Want to buy it?"
Man - "No, thanks."
Boy - "My dad's outside."
Man - "OK, how much?"
Boy - "250"
A few weeks later, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the
cupboard together.
Boy - "Dark in here."
Man - "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have football boots."
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?" !
Boy - "750"
Man - "Sold."
A few days later, the boy's father says to the boy, "Grab your boots and
football, let's go outside and have a game of soccer.
The boy says, "I can't, I sold my ball and boots."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
Boy -"1,000."
The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that.
That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church
to make a confession."
They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the
confession box and he closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that sh*t again. You're in my cupboard now"

At the chemists, a man asked to talk to a male pharmacist.



The lady at the counter said that she herself was the pharmacist, and that she and her sister owned the store, so there were no male employees.



She then asked how she could help. The man said that it was something he would be more comfortable discussing with a male pharmacist.



She reminded him that she was completely professional, and he could speak to her in the utmost confidence.



"This is tough for me to discuss," he said, "but I have a permanent erection. So I was wondering what you could give me for it."



"Just a minute", said the pharmacist, "I'll go and consult my sister."



She returned a few minutes later and said: "We discussed this at length. The absolute best we can do is: one-third ownership of the shop, a company car,
and 2,000 a month living expenses."

COME ON ENGERLAND.

goldfinger
COME ON where to?

well i hope you all had a good summer. absolutely pissing down , thunder storms , the lot in bolton at the mo.

Its nice on the south coast bos ,although we need the rain down here.

I'm sure the weather won't spoil boz's sunny countenance.
Looks like its heading over this side of the pennines when you've finished with it Boz.

well it's gone now, should be coming your way soon , alan. it looks like the weather is improving. i hope so. might be going to manchester tonight to watch the italy game on the big screen. just depends on the weather really.

btw, happy birthday , driver !!!!

something for the ladies :))

something for the ladies cos i'm in a really good mood. type your name in the box , turn the volume up loud and press enter ........

Well I've had better days

Only BAA & ULT blue in my portfolio now :0( Driver has at least got a birthday to celebrate! Still, the way I look at it is that there are now some good investment oportunities :0) Got no spare cash though :0(