Thought Id start this one going because its rather dead on this board at the moment and I suppose all my usual muckers are either at the Stella tennis event watching Dim Tim (lose again) or at Henly Regatta eating cucumber sandwiches (they wish,...NOT).

Anyway please feel free to just talk to yourself blast away and let it go on any company or subject you wish. Just wish Id thought of this one before.

cheers GF.

JOKE OF THE DAY

George Bush was out jogging one morning along the parkway when he tripped, fell over the bridge railing and landed in the creek below.

Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, three kids, who were fishing, pulled him out of the water.

He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted.

The first kid said, "I sure would like to go to Disneyland."

George said, "No problem. I'll take you there on Air Force One."

The second kid said, "I really need a new pair of Nike Air Jordan's."

George said, "I'll get them for you and even have Michael sign them!"

The third kid said, "I want a motorized wheelchair with a built-in TV and stereo headset!"

George Bush is a little perplexed by this and says, "But son, you don't look like you are handicapped."

The kid says, "No, I'm not, but I f*#king will be after my dad finds out I saved your sorry arse from drowning!"

Brilliant - heres another one - not quite as good though

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.
Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them, and hides in the
bedroom cupboard to watch.
The woman's husband also comes home unexpectedly.
She puts her lover in the cupboard, not realising that the little boy is in
there already.
The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a football."
Man - "That's nice."
Boy - "Want to buy it?"
Man - "No, thanks."
Boy - "My dad's outside."
Man - "OK, how much?"
Boy - "250"
A few weeks later, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the
cupboard together.
Boy - "Dark in here."
Man - "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have football boots."
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?" !
Boy - "750"
Man - "Sold."
A few days later, the boy's father says to the boy, "Grab your boots and
football, let's go outside and have a game of soccer.
The boy says, "I can't, I sold my ball and boots."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
Boy -"1,000."
The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that.
That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church
to make a confession."
They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the
confession box and he closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that sh*t again. You're in my cupboard now"

At the chemists, a man asked to talk to a male pharmacist.



The lady at the counter said that she herself was the pharmacist, and that she and her sister owned the store, so there were no male employees.



She then asked how she could help. The man said that it was something he would be more comfortable discussing with a male pharmacist.



She reminded him that she was completely professional, and he could speak to her in the utmost confidence.



"This is tough for me to discuss," he said, "but I have a permanent erection. So I was wondering what you could give me for it."



"Just a minute", said the pharmacist, "I'll go and consult my sister."



She returned a few minutes later and said: "We discussed this at length. The absolute best we can do is: one-third ownership of the shop, a company car,
and 2,000 a month living expenses."

COME ON ENGERLAND.

goldfinger
COME ON where to?

well i hope you all had a good summer. absolutely pissing down , thunder storms , the lot in bolton at the mo.

Its nice on the south coast bos ,although we need the rain down here.

I'm sure the weather won't spoil boz's sunny countenance.
Looks like its heading over this side of the pennines when you've finished with it Boz.

well it's gone now, should be coming your way soon , alan. it looks like the weather is improving. i hope so. might be going to manchester tonight to watch the italy game on the big screen. just depends on the weather really.

btw, happy birthday , driver !!!!

something for the ladies :))

something for the ladies cos i'm in a really good mood. type your name in the box , turn the volume up loud and press enter ........

Well I've had better days

Only BAA & ULT blue in my portfolio now :0( Driver has at least got a birthday to celebrate! Still, the way I look at it is that there are now some good investment oportunities :0) Got no spare cash though :0(

Right, all round to Drivers for a serious drinking session and gentlemans party.
I'll bring the inflatable sheep and the industrial meths, Kim can you manage the catering.
A large bag of twiglets should just about do it.
Alan

Erm, I could bring a real sheep if you'd prefer!
kim

Nah. You can't get lipstick on the real ones.

Al ,you don't know what your doing ,of course you can get make up on a sheep ,it's what iv'e been told anyway.


It's a bloodbath out there , lets see what the yanks do this week it could easily turn around .

I reckon it would be easier to turn a sheep around Jimmy, or is that what you meant?!
kim

I do like mine with long hair.

Ooooo! she's a cheeky on one the right. I had a relationship with a girl like her once but in the end she gave me the cold shoulder then I got the chop.
kim

Is that Wales answer to Bob Marley and the Wailers???