Thought Id start this one going because its rather dead on this board at the moment and I suppose all my usual muckers are either at the Stella tennis event watching Dim Tim (lose again) or at Henly Regatta eating cucumber sandwiches (they wish,...NOT).

Anyway please feel free to just talk to yourself blast away and let it go on any company or subject you wish. Just wish Id thought of this one before.

cheers GF.

Surreal??
How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Answer; A Fish

Cheers Bos! :o)

Although actually I thought the foot massage was well worth staying in for :o))

just emptied me shed before i kick it down. i never knew you could fit so much into a little shed!!!! now where am i going to put it all? anyone need a 1930's axe, scythe and some other lethal looking objects of torture that i've found? starting to wonder just what the previous occupants got up to ...... i mean , there's a very worrying slab of concrete down the bottom of the garden with a date inscribed into it .......

I love wrecking sheds, Bos -wish I could help! Have fun!

Afternoon all,
After trawling the other threads on this site I seem to keep comming back to this one, could it be the ever changing topics, the varied and informative comments, the knowledge imparted or the high reguard I have for the writers?

To be honest I think it because I can write irrelevant paragraphs and know Ill get equally irrelevant answers that make me giggle away the working day.

The Standard leads with the rise in drink driving convictions in London, which it claims, is up to 50 a day. I like a drink like the next bloke but I dont drink and drive,(generally I cant focus enough after drinking) clearly the threat of losing your licence is not enough. Any suggestions?

Some one in Leeds once proposed ensuring all pubs have no car park and making the streets around them permit holder parking zones, to force people not to drive. I don't think that would work because most people drink and drive after visiting a friends party or BBQ.
The speed cameras could be replaced by gas detectors for the following whiff of fart from the car of a drunken driver (I know what theakstons Old Peculiar does to me and i'm sure i'm not on my own).
What about a new stricter alcohol level test?
Give the driver a donner kebab. if he can eat it - he must have had too much to drink.
Alan

All this talk of kebabs is making me hungry, which means it must be LUNCHTIME!!!!!!

If kebabs makes you hungry you must have already had a good liquid lunch. The thought of a kebab without copius amounts of time spent with Ron Bacardi makes me want to heave.
Looking at your photo implies you think the meat in a kebab actually comes from an animal bred for the industry as apposed what is acutally in them.

No, I stated before my position re cats being the primary constituent of kebabs. The photo was simply the first thing I found that showed a bunch of ravenous creatures with their heads in a trough.

My mistake, naturally cats are the best suited animal for kebabs. How many do you think it takes to make one of those lumps you see in the kebab shop.
I have a feeling that because of the amount it would take they are not that fussy.

Why the attack on drunk drivers???
Mini-cab drivers are a much bigger menace in the towns and cities of this sceptered isle!! Have you tried driving through a city centre at about 3am?? Lunatics. Every one of them.
And in the daytime its people driving white vans. And local councils and street planners, who devise the stupid road schemes. That would be a more apposite offence to prosecute if we want to avoid death on the roads. Planning without due care and attention.
I'm starting to sound like Prince Charles, but who let the lunatics take over the asylum (or the criminals take over the prison)?

No Al ,,bus drivers ,i f.....g hate them .

BTW, forgot to tell you all about our wonderful colonail cousins from the USA. I met a shedful of them in Mexico, at our hotel and around about, and here is a handful of their quotes of wisdom;
"What currency do you spend in England"
"Oh, is that England? I thought it was Britain"
"I'd love to see Britain. Can you see it all in a week or will I need to stay a little longer?"
"so who is the president when the queen gets voted out?"
"Do you need to book a ferry to go to Scotland"?
"Britain is an Island??!!! Are you sure?"
"You should move to Louisianna. We are all thick. You brits would run rings round us. God I run rings round them and I aint educated".
The funniest sight was the cigar shops in San Miguel rubbing their hands in glee when the USA cruises pulled in. they would sincerely tell the yank visitors that taking Cuban cigars back to USA was fine providing they were not in a full box and so as a special for US visitors they sold open boxes of 24 cigars, instead of 25 at a bargain price of up to $125 dollars per cigar (cost to a brit on the island was about $6 each). The yanks were buying in bulk, and bragging how they could show off back at home.
Wonderful entertainment.
Alan

Are we back on the offences deserving the death penalty, then Jimmy??

That goes to traffic wardens Al , iknow thats an obvious one ,but they arn't like they used to be ,,it's not abot the death penalty ,,it's about torture where their concerned..

alan, why would you be driving through a city centre at 3am? very suss .......but you've probably got an innocent explanation ;)
i do agree with you fully on town planners and their idea of traffic calming/improvement schemes. the oh-so-clever people at bolton council came up with this wonderful idea of making part of the pavements jut out halfway into the road, forming parking bays. so far , so good. they then "improved" matters further by painting yellow lines in the parking bays!!! on one street in particular, residents now have to move their cars by 7.00am or they will be booked for the crime of parking in a parking bay right outside their own front door. needless to say, these measures have proved to be very popular !!

Which brings us back to traffic wardens , they have done all those type of so called improvements in my area and employed another 30 wardens to enforce it , ,,and they do,, like little Hitlers .

I firmly believe that people who become traffic wardens are frustrated leaders. They didnt have the confidence to lead people so they work enforcing pathetic rules to the letter of the law, to make themselves feel better.

Touched a nerve here.
I think we should use traffic wardens instead of Animal vivisection. It would stop all the protests and be a very popular move.
We could even re-introduce fox hunting by allowing hounds and horses to chase traffic wardens through town centres and rip them to pieces.
This would be a great spectator sport, and my nomination for spectator would be the guy in West Yorks who is responsible for the sighting of speed cameras. He could be forced to watch by a big bloke with hairy knuckles and badly spelled tattoos, who could mutter things like, "see what happens to people who persecute motorists".
I'm warming to the idea.