Thought Id start this one going because its rather dead on this board at the moment and I suppose all my usual muckers are either at the Stella tennis event watching Dim Tim (lose again) or at Henly Regatta eating cucumber sandwiches (they wish,...NOT).

Anyway please feel free to just talk to yourself blast away and let it go on any company or subject you wish. Just wish Id thought of this one before.

cheers GF.

I'm ever so good with vice. I can do that.

if only i could govern my vices ........

Had an offer accepted for a house. Its been a good weekend.
I was driving past a rather nice public park today and noticed that all along the roadside the council had erected huge boulders as a fetching, but effective way of keeping the gypsys out.
This has led me to a whole new theory on the real practical reasons our ancestors erected Stone Henge. I am about to submit a paper to National Geographic entitled " On the subject of giant Gypsys camping in Monolithic Temples".
I expect nothing less than 2 nobel prizes and a phalanx of local liberals and social workers banging my door down to give me counselling on my prejudiced views of travellers (and possibly invite me to a tea, biccies and angst session at our local outreach centre).
Now where was I............Oh yes...........Dear National Geographic............

hewittalan6

That was so witty [ not ]. Before you say it , i wouldn't stalk you even if i was gay and you was the only gay in the village.

Agony aunt Al replies;
Aldwickk, dear. Unrequited love is such a terrible thing to endure, but I know you'll get through it. Many people will probably think the posts of Hewittalan6 are dull, uninformative and as far away from funny as it is possible to get, but they don't feel the need to follow every one of his posts with those repeated comments, do they? This tells me you have some unresolved problems.
tell me, do you relate to Daffyd?? Your homosexual urges are nothing to be ashamed of in this day and age, and it may do you good to talk about them with your partner, if you have one, or your collection of barbie dolls if you don't.
I urge you to seek some attention before you slide further into despair, because this addictive behaviour will make your life so less bearable, to the point where you are as lonely as a Hezbollah member at a Barbara Streisend concert, and just as welcome.
Try to get out more and interact with real people. You will find someone who wants you. Eventually. You may have to look along time but it will be worth it and then you can put your infatuations behind you and rejoin the human race.
Good Luck.
Agony Aunt Al

Forget the blind driver.
This is an absolute belter;

But BAE Systems said it was not embarrassed about its efforts to protect the environment or by a statement on its website that "lead used in ammunition can harm the environment and pose a risk to people".

WOW. Bullets that are not a risk to people!!!

hewittalan6

If i had any homosexual urges i wouldn't have Barbie dolls i have a action man.

Why do you feel the need to take up half a page to answer my post? you are such a pompous wind bag i bet you send letters to the editor of your local rag every week to impress people . I bet you sound and look like Captain Mainwaring.

You think Tony and I are twins??????
Or are you so unoriginal that you can only think of the one insult?
After all, the last time you tried something all you could do was copy Little Britain.
Don't take it so personally, old bean. You are just such an easy and tempting target, I'm actually quite bored with it all now. Its a bit like asking Frank lampard to play in the Sunday pub football league.
Take a wee breather, stop making yourself look so foolish, and find some kind of therapy to take your mind off me. You know it makes sense.
Love and kisses,
Alan

hewittalan6

Are you saying that Barbara Streisend concert joke is original.

Anyones entitled to be a tosser, but you have abused the privilege

[ Thats not original i admit that ]

Since this is a talk to yourself thread I thought id throw a few question from todays news into the arena and see what people think.

1. Jamies School Dinners and the women getting fish and chips from the chippy.

Is it just me or is this most stupid thing Ive ever heard. I may not be the biggest jamie fan but he is trying to make kids more healthy. This woman should be arrested and charged with child abuse. If my son went to that school i'd be horrified.

2. Is it right to prosecute people for tranmitting HIV / AIDS?

you surely can only prosicute if the person knew they had HIV or AIDS and then had sex deliberately to infect thier partner. A gay man was aquitted in August after passing the virus to his partner. It is right to highlite these illness and create awarenenss and promote safe sex but surely this was reckless behaviour and he deserved to be punished.

3. The pope and now the Arch Bishop of Canterbury have dropped themselves in it this week by speaking the truth. Immediately there were banners saying 'behead those that say Islam is violent'. I rest my case.

One for bos

Amazing feet!

A married couple were on holiday in Jamaica.
They were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods and such when they passed this small sandal shop.
From inside they heard the shopkeeper with a Jamaican accent say, "You foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop!"
So the couple walked in.
"I have some special sandals I think you would be interested in,"the Jamaican said to them. "Dey make you wild at sex."
Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them, being the sex god" that he was.
"How could sandals make you into a sex freak?" the husband asked the shopkeeper.
Just try dem on, Mon," the Jamaican replied.
After some badgering from his wife, the man finally gave in, and tried the sandals on.
As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes ... something his wife hadn't seen in many years!
In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Jamaican, quickly bent him over a table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaican's hips.
At which point the Jamaican began screaming,


"YOU GOT DEM ON DE WRONG FEET, MON! YOU GOT DEM ON DE WRONG FEET!"

hey ... mire a muchacho golpear esa playa ;)

grassy arse ;)



vamos ala playa ....... oh oh oh oh oh

Mine's pinker than yours :P

and so it should be ;)

We're in for a bad spell of wether.

wether what

Rain and wind and fings

Its my birthday tomorrow and I have it on very good authority that the mrs has bought me a rather nice Mont Blanc pen.
Looking forward to it!!!!

You should have bought her a more expensive coat Al, these things pay off in the end..