Thought Id start this one going because its rather dead on this board at the moment and I suppose all my usual muckers are either at the Stella tennis event watching Dim Tim (lose again) or at Henly Regatta eating cucumber sandwiches (they wish,...NOT).

Anyway please feel free to just talk to yourself blast away and let it go on any company or subject you wish. Just wish Id thought of this one before.

cheers GF.

Nice one Bosley.

It's not my fault. I just do what the Rice Krispies tell me.

watch out for them, alan. they're evil little feckers, especially that crackle.

not spoke for a while. 'ow's tha' fettlin'?

Very well, Bos me old mate.
Hows your belly for blackheads??
Very busy recently so the boards have taken a back seat for a while, but the nights are getting lighter, the cricket season is almost here and I am coming on leaps and bounds on the old guitar.
Business is booming, lifes a riot, settled into my tiny little new home and I am feeling as good as I ever have, thanks for asking.
Hows the wee one???
What do you think of the councils spending 28 million on touring pubs to make sure no-one is smoking? What next? Bouncers on the door of McDonalds saying "bugger off you fat salad dodger. You're not coming in here till you lose 3 stone".
I think I still have a different script to the rest of the world, but I'll soldier on.
Alan

only the one on me belly which gets a good squeezing every now and again .
the wee one will be 1 next month. she's walking, says the odd word and is giving me attitude already. she figured out early that daddy is a soft-arse and uses this knowledge to great effect to make sure she gets what she wants. to be honest, it's scaring the shit out of me just how quickly this year has gone. i can't help thinkiing that i'll be 50 when she is 10. how the hell am i going to keep up with a 10 year old ?? i really should be going to the gym more, get myself prepared, get fit and ready.

only 28 million? money well spent, in my opinion. i mean, it's not like that money could be used elsewhere as everything else is working perfectly well ......

Yeah, completely crime free and no roads to repair or hospitals to fund. Schools have so much cash they are giving it away and our bin gets emptied 12 times a week by the most polite blokes I ever met. I suppose it had to be something to spend the money on, otherwise they would have to charge less for the council tax.
I never did understand what was wrong with a seperate room for smokers.
Perhaps an enlightened and evangelical non smoker can enlighten me???
Alan

Al, I'm a non-smoker, although would question whether enlightened.

When I used to smoke Cohibas I always thought it was jolly generous of me to let others have a bit of passive involvement, free, gratis and for nothing. Given the cost involved I should have smoked them in an airtight portaloo with a plastic bag over my head.

Oh, and please don't go on about how depressingly weird Britain is becoming. I'm moving back in a couple of weeks and if I hear any more about weird laws I may just have to hijack my BA flight and demand they divert to Bali.

Britain AKA Little America............................

Seen "Team America: World Police" already?? Hilarious (it's the one with puppets, by the creators of South Park).

i may soon be joining the ranks of the non-smoker. well, i'm starting to seriously think about it. i would have prefered it if they had left the decision about smoking to the landlords. they should have been been free to decide if they wanted their pubs to be smoking or non-smoking and clearly advertise that. then the punter can decide if he wants to go into a non-smoking pub or not. i mean, what happened to being able to make up your own mind ?

Don't know. I'll wait and see what the governemnt tell me to say about making my mind up.

I quote the graffiti artist, Banksy: "The reason many people don't use their initiative is because no-one told them to." :o)

Good point Bosley. I got stopped for not wearing a seat belt the other day and when I asked the copper why, he explained that if I had an accident I would be a drain on the health service as the local hospital would have to patch me up, and that would be wrong.

I suggested to him that if that were true, then he should make it his duty to stop anyone partaking in dangerous sports such as hang gliding, he should stop every football match he sees beiong played in case someone gets injured, and he should immediately arrest anyone over 40 seen jogging.

Authority seems to want to stamp itself on every aspect of our lives.

Don't get me started on Britain !! ,i'm fed up with it ,,i'm going round the pubs smoking when this starts ,i want to see one of these jobsworths try and give me an on the spot fine,i'll set him on fire ,, anyway when you look at the league tables on champinvest ,i'm wishing i was a woman of 70 living in Berkshire.

In a move to help smokers kick the habit, car owners will be charged 600 to fit a black box for the pay-as-you-drive pricing system; they will then be charged an extortionate fee for driving to the local corner shop to buy a packet of fags, which they will no longer be able to afford by the time they get there. Crafty innit?

Heres one to make your head spin.
I have a private office at home (as many do) which is tax deductable.
I own my own car which I hire to my company for business purposes (as a tax break).
Both are therefore officially places of work and I am advised this makes it illegal, from July, to smoke in my own home and car.
I would love to see some jumped up little prick from the council try to enforce that baby without getting an umbrella up his arse and forcibly opened.

Two old ladies were outside their nursing home, having a smoke when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette and continued smoking.

Lady 1: What's that?
Lady 2: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Lady 1: Where did you get it?
Lady 2: You can get them at any drugstore.

The next day ... Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. The guy looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age), but politely asks what brand she prefers.

Lady 1: It doesn't matter as long as it fits a Camel.

In a School science class four worms were placed into four separate jars.

The first worm was put into a jar of alcohol.
The second worm was put into a jar of cigarette smoke.
The third worm was put into a jar of sperm.
The fourth worm was put into a jar of soil.

After one day, these were the results:
The first worm in alcohol --- dead.
The second worm in cigarette smoke --- dead.
The third worm in sperm --- dead.
The fourth worm in soil --- alive.

So the science teacher asked the class --- "What can you learn from this experiment."

Little Johnny quickly raised his hand and said. "As long as you drink, smoke and have sex, you won't have worms."

If there is a smoking section in a restaurant, should there be a peeing section in a swimming pool?

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette, with a satisfied smile on its face.
The egg, looking a bit pissed off, grabs the sheet, rolls over and says, "Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question."