Thought Id start this one going because its rather dead on this board at the moment and I suppose all my usual muckers are either at the Stella tennis event watching Dim Tim (lose again) or at Henly Regatta eating cucumber sandwiches (they wish,...NOT).

Anyway please feel free to just talk to yourself blast away and let it go on any company or subject you wish. Just wish Id thought of this one before.

cheers GF.

I very often see where a joke is heading before the punch line but not this time.

Brightened the day, Very funny.

LOL - great!

Altogether now with the Benny Hill theme tune.........

Here is a chronology of events since Paris Hilton's arrest in September last year.

Sept. 7: Officers arrest Paris Hilton in Hollywood for investigation of driving under the influence after she was spotted "driving erratically."

Sept. 26: Hilton is charged with misdemeanor driving under the influence.

Jan. 9: Hilton's lawyers enter not guilty pleas on her behalf to one count each of driving under the influence and driving with a blood-alcohol level of .08 or above.

Jan. 15: Hilton is pulled over by California Highway Patrol and informed that her license is suspended. She signs a document acknowledging she is not to drive.

Jan. 22: Hilton pleads no contest to a reduced charge of alcohol-related reckless driving. She is placed on three years probation, ordered to enroll in alcohol education and pay $1,500 in fines.

Feb. 27: Hilton is ticketed for misdemeanor driving with a suspended license. A copy of the document signed Jan. 15 is found in her glove compartment.

March 29: The city attorney's office says it will ask a judge to revoke Hilton's probation.

May 3: Prosecutors recommend Hilton serve 45 days in jail for a probation violation.

May 4: Judge Michael Sauer sentences Hilton to 45 days in jail.

May 6: Publicist Elliot Mintz says he and Hilton have parted ways over an apparent "misunderstanding she received from me regarding the terms of her probation."

May 8: Hilton rehires Mintz.

May 9: Hilton hires a new attorney, Richard A. Hutton, who specializes in DUI (Driving Under the Influence) cases.

May 14: Psychiatrist Charles Sophy says in court documents that Hilton is "distraught and traumatized as a consequence of the findings at the May 4 hearing ... and her fear of incarceration."

May 16: Sheriff's officials say Hilton will serve 23 days in a special unit away from the general population.

May 17: Hilton drops an appeal of her jail sentence.

June 3: Hilton reports to the Century Regional Detention Facility in Lynwood after attending the MTV Movie Awards and saying she's ready to serve her sentence.

June 4: Hilton's attorney says his client is doing well under the circumstances.

June 7: Hilton is released from jail because of an undisclosed medical problem and is ordered serve the rest of her sentence in home confinement. Judge Sauer later orders Hilton to appear in his courtroom to determine whether she should return to jail. Hilton's spokesmen Elliot Mintz's stated the heiress was "suffering from acute home sickness, painful detoxification and can't sleep away from her toy poodle Kinkajou." Bummer, eh? The Office of Lee Baca allegedly stated that Pairs Hilton did allegedly visit the Sheriff allegedly after midnight on Wednesday, but also stated the alleged sexual encounter that allegedly followed was "in no way related to her release."

June 8: Superior Court Judge Michael T. Sauer sends the sheriff to her home and orders Paris Hilton be brought to court Friday for a hearing on her early release from jail rather than listen to the proceedings by telephone.

Watch this space.....

Would that be this space ?

Deputies escorted Hilton out of the room, holding each of her arms as she looked back.

Suspicions confirmed - she's a hydra.

Love it Al .

docproc, looks like she's been a busy girl. where on earth did she find the time to make all those "stolen" home movies ? (i wont post the links ....... )

heyyyyy !!

Happy days

;)

:P

Jeez, what about the midsummer weather????
The locals around here are tipping a plaugue of locusts for next week, followed by boils in early July.

Did you ever have a dream that was so real you thought it was real?
I did. Last night. I dreamt I was living in a place where people could make their own choices, providing it was sensible and reasonable, and the government would only interfere when it became a menace to others. They would intervene with tact, and well thought out policies that had a worth beyond newspaper headlines and appeasing net-curtain twitchers in mock tudor houses.
How wrong I was.
I was awoken from this Utopian idyll by two more of those news items that make you realise our economy was once a manufacturing economy, then a service economy and has now bottomed out as an economy based on surveys, studys and claptrap.
Lets make 2 things clear. Drunken drivers and child beaters should be tied naked in a desert and....................fill in the rest yourselves. It wouldn't be half as bad as the punishment I would give them.
But how about the latest codswallop from "Nanny UK".
It is time to revisit the legislation from only 3 years ago to see if we should take the reasonable chastisement part out of the childrens act, apparantly. Despite the fact that a survey showed 90% of the UK think a clip round the lughole is fine and might save us from a hoodie of the future, the net-curtain twitchers who know best are calling (again) for an outright ban.
Fine. As a father of 3 I will succumb to the rule of law, but never EVER try to make me responsible for the actions of my kids, because if I have no say in how they are raised and disciplined, then I cannot be responsible when they start smashing up a bus shelter for the hell of it.
And drink driving. We have the third safest roads in Europe. Behind Sweden and somewhere else I cannot recall. This is not good enough. There are a staggering 300+ injuries a year from accidents involving vehicles and alcohol.
Leap of logic time, guys. Lets lower the limit for alcohol to match the lowest in Europe. seems fine, but if you examine the figures, alcohol and vehicle related very often means a drunken pedestrian falling in front of the taxi that is trying to take him home!!
Please also bear in mind that the lower drink drive limits in Europe are often tiered. A small fine at X milligrammes, a bigger one at Y, and a ban at Z. Z being much higher than our limit. If you really want to reduce accidents start by looking at a much too easy driving test and 83 year olds driving so close to the windscreen their chests develop a groove for the steering wheel.
Seriously. I am 40 and I know that a 25 year old with a pint of Stella swilling around in him has better judgement than me and reaction times about 10 times faster, even if I am stone cold sober.
Sorry to be so long winded about it all, but this thread is to get things off your chest, and I needed the therapy, but when, next Christmas (Or Winterfest if the idiots get their way) you receive two life sentences, one for driving after a spoonfull of Aunt Gerts sherry trifle and one for giving your 12 year old a clip around the ear for setting fire to Uncle Freds greenhouse, don't say I didn't warn you.

Wmbledon , the championships are warming up fantastic ..

missed you, jimmy ;)

Those pictures provide me with great inspiration to work hard on my backhand volley, and a cue for a joke about "love - deuce", but now you know the punchline you can make the rest up yourselves.
New balls please.

If only my share portfolio was in as good a shape as Maria!!!!. Some hope.

I could make comments such as, "closing my shorts, going long, raising my game" etc, but as this is a family show I won't.

Seriously, I have always thought, What a gorgeous girl!