Thought Id start this one going because its rather dead on this board at the moment and I suppose all my usual muckers are either at the Stella tennis event watching Dim Tim (lose again) or at Henly Regatta eating cucumber sandwiches (they wish,...NOT).

Anyway please feel free to just talk to yourself blast away and let it go on any company or subject you wish. Just wish Id thought of this one before.

cheers GF.

Fully agree with the above, BUT it does pain me to see that little bits are being eaten away almost daily. Don't want to go over old ground re this so will only put the one obvious note. Our beautiful island is vastly overcrowded. We have no more room. If we don't want to see more erosion of the above, we must say enough is enough, no matter what race or creed.

Q. By crumpet, does the writer mean the bird on the bike?
If the reply is, NO it's the sort you spread butter and jam on and then lick it off, I had better make no further comment.

After 6 months active service a squaddie gets 1 weeks leave.
He walks into the first brothel he can find and bangs 1000 on the table, asking the madam to get him a greasy bacon sandwich and the fattest, ugliest, smelliest girl they have on their books.
The madam looks surprised and tells him for 1000 he can have a fine 3 course dinner and the most beautiful girl she has to offer.
The squaddie replies to the effect that he hasn't come because he is horny, he has come because he is homesick.

Al,, i have read nearly all Bryson's books ,Love him,, he has just my sense of humour and hates most of the world ,in that i mean most of the idiots out there,,if you havn't read it ,try Down Under ,it's great and at the end you feel like you have just travelled Australia .

Read it, Jimmy and agree totally.
A hilarious book to read straight after is "The Last Continent" by Terry Pratchett, which rips the piss out of Australia in a barely disguised way.
What I love about Bryson is the way he engages the reader and makes everything so easy to understand, be it the stupidity of his fellow human beings or the intricacies of cutting edge science.
A great observer of the ridiculousness of the mundane in books like "letters from America", but his best work, for me, is "A short history of nearly everything".
It is a rare and cherishable talent that he can write a short essay on getting a haircut and leave millions thinking; Thats me!! Thats exactly how my visit to the barbers goes! While being very funny and wry.
Can't recommentd him highly enough to the uninitiated.

Rant time;

I now take my life into my hands for a brief(?) rant on todays news.
I will be condemned as right wing, racist and possibly the words Nazi and intolerant will be thrown at me. Such is the price of free speech.
Keith Jarrett, of the National Assoc. of Black Police Oficers (Now there's a racist - I would not be allowed to join because of my skin colour) has uttered something almost sensible. I know. It shocked me too.
He says that rather than see kids slaughtered almost daily on our streets, at the wrong end of an AK47, we might want to try and stop it. His suggestion? Lets use stop and search powers to try and find the guns before they get used rather than after. Seems reasonable to me.
As I understand these powers, policemen may stop and search anyone PROVIDED there is a report of someone of that description being involved in a crime, in that area shortly before the search. Or they have intelligence to suggest they are going to commit a crime. If the report says the crime was commited by an 6 stone 4 foot white woman in her early 60's, they cannot go and search the local wannabe gangsta rap star.
At this point of reasonableness, and an attempt to get our gun death rate lower than that of Baghdad, enter the delightful Ms Milena Buyum of the National Assembly against Racism.
I had just read a piece that was an attempt to help stop kids getting shot and was a little lightheaded at the experience of reading sense from a national leader. This accounts for my moment of giddyness, when I expected Ms Buyum to round on an official organisation where membership is based on skin colour. Given the name of her assembly, that is surely her job?
Alas, no. Her response was to bemoan that stop and search alienates black communities.
Forgive me for asking, but Why?? Do these communities wish to see an entire generation divided into the dead and the imprisoned? Are they happy with a community whereby kids shoot each other and the police do not use every power they have to stop it? Or is Ms Buyum afraid of something else?
What she seems to be saying is either the police get reports of a young woman shoplifting and so immediately round up lots of young black men, rough them up in the cells and call it stop and search, or, the intelligence reports and witness statements describe more blacks than any other group, and so they get searched more frequently. Is she actually frightened that using these powers might evidence that gun crime is more of a problem in black communities than white ones? personally, I doubt that it is, for all races have their good and their bad. But, as a parent, if the local cops want to frisk my 3 kids every day for a decade, and all the others in the area too, then please, be my guest.
because heres a thing. Those who commit these crimes will get caught. Those that do not will at least live long enough to get a job, get drunk and get into debt. Instead of ending up as a chalk outline on an inner city playground.
So please. if a top copper thinks stop and search will help, then lets use it. And please don't do it without reference to a persons most distinguishing feature, his race. After all Mr Jarrett seems very happy to use skin colour to see who can join his august band.

Perhaps its the silly season, perhaps its just my mood this weekend or perhaps the world is totally barking.
The great and the good are pulling out all the stops to outdo each other in annual "are you completely brain dead" awards.
Following our anti racism lady going on about something that isn't remotely racist and hampering the agencies of law and order in the process, our justice ministry realised the challange was on and thought about what they could do to look more ridiculous. They played an ace. Apparantly they are giving serious consideration to beating kids with batons. I am all in favour of discipline in young offenders institutes but something a little more humane may be appropriate here. Don't get me wrong. If an officer is attacked, or inmates are attacking each other, it behoves us to do all that is necessary to bring a swift end to it, and if a baton is the answer, then so be it. I just get a bit concerned that the last resort becomes the first response.
The prison officers tell us assaults in these places have risen over 100% and include ears bitten off, limbs broken and stabbings in the face with pens. These are attacks on officers, not other prisoners.
They have my sympathies. They must have the ability to defend themselves. We owe them that.
But the awards race is not yet over.Juliette Lyon of the Prison Reform Trust will not let the ministry walk away with the award so easily, so after long thoughts about how to appear even more stupid she came up with a moment of dazzling and inspired insanity. Honestly, and I cannot beleive I am writing this, this is her quote;

"the problem is if you're armed then you're creating a situation where violence can happen again."
Don't want to point this out, but I think it needs saying for the hard of thinking; Attacks have risen by over 100% under the lets not arm officers regime. Violence can, and is, happening again already, Juliette. This is not an arms race. It is simply making sure the innocent do not end up with a biro through the eye and an arm broken beyond repair. Prison officers with batons or tasers or any other form of arming may not be your idea of an ideal world (it certainly isn't mine), but in an ideal world these kids would not have commited a crime anyway. The world isn't and they did.
So if we deal in the hard currency of reality, what do we do with kids who think nothing of swinging a pool cue into the onrushing face of a guard? I have no idea. What we don't do is abandon the guard to his fate and invite the inmate to discuss his anger management over ovaltine and hobnobs.
Final thought. Please let me die before Ms Buyum and Ms Lyon. I want to have a few years enjoying the perfection of heaven, before they get there and start taking the little bows and arrows from cherubs and inviting lucifer round for talks on how inescapable evil can be introduced to the pearly gates, so all the little demons don't feel, erm, demonised(?) and disenfranchised.

Hi

I fully agree with your posts, you are only stating the facts and what is really common sense. This world would be a far better place is the do gooding liberalites stopped interfering.

To serve time in a YOI the detainee has to be aged between 18 and 21. Some of these young offenders are capable of the most extreme violence.
They are in anything but name, adults (perhaps not in behavior terms) but in physical terms.
The problem often when prisoners are categorized is the terminology, such as the term Child Offender. How many immediately picture someone small in stature under say 10 years old, carrying his/her satchel to primary/junior school. I don't think many picture a 16 stone 6' tall thug, and there are plenty about at the age of 14 years. A child offender is aged between 10 and 15 years of age.
You only have to read a newspaper or watch the news on TV to see what some so called children are capable of.
Not saying batons are the answer to every YOI problem, but what I have witnessed in the past they may be the answer in certain circumstances.
As with all such devises, it's the user that is usually the problem not the device of protection.
Perhaps Juliette Lyon of the Prison Reform Trust should go into a YOI next time there is a riot and sit the little darlings down and give them a good talking to.
I bet the result would change her pathetic views. I often wonder if people such as her really believe what they say, or is it a case of justifying their existence.

I often wonder, Greek.
If a politician had the balls to stand up and say things like that. Had the gumption and conviction to say it as it is and not be terrified of the liberal press eating him for breakfast. Actually stated that race creed and colour was no way to form policy and that it could never be used as mitigation for anything. That offenders would be treated as criminals, not as an experiment in social engineering. That he would outlaw any organisation that restricted membership on race grounds (white, black or any other). A politician who put the interests of Great Britain ahead of the interests of ANY minority. That the public deserved protection from habitual criminals, not the other way round.
Would that politician get elected by a landslide? I think he would but for the liberal elite who would brand him as intolerant and racist.
Can't understand the racist bit because nothing in the above is the least bit racist. Quite the opposite in fact. As for intolerance, I am proud to be intolerant. Intolerant of any individual or minority who are prepared to inflict damage on the majority, through fear of violence, destruction of property or through values that are alien to the majority way of life.

Yes, minorities should be listened to, but if their views are against the minority then it should be hard luck.
As is often said, the minority are the majority in volume, with the majority being silent. (well I said it anyway)
I think I mentioned previously that I believe if a politician would admit to a mistake and says something to the effect of, "I realize we have made a mistake. I have given this a chance and realize it just does not work, so we are changing our decision" he/she would gain respect.
The Governor of California, good old Arni (the Terminator) Schwarzenegger surprised people when within 1 year of office he admitted that one of his ideas had not worked so he was abandoning it. A couple of times since he has openly admitted to making decision mistakes.
From what I have read, the people in that state respect him even more.
I find it almost beyond believe that most politicians will not admit to errors even when they would be obvious to a half thick brain dead drunken blond neanderthal female from Essex (Ops watch out for the PC brigade) can see the truth.
It the establishment treat people like idiots, they must expect us to think that thats what they (the politicians) are.

Hi Alan, I agree with all you've written. The suggestions are a sign that tougher action may be brought in eventually and the Tories are certainly making the right noises. Big problem is the old EU Human Rights Act which enables the offenders to sue anyone who lays a finger on them--even the man on the street trying to stop a situation. I heard a statement this weekend from the normally quiet A /bishop of Canterbury speaking out about the easy availability of abortion on demand---as first resort rather than changing lifestyle. A woman in our local hospital for instance recently came in for her 7th termination! Alan for PM---I say!!

The main problem re what the Tories may bring in/change is the well known fact (here we go again, well it's well known to me anyway) that the best party is always the one in opposition (not counting the liberal democrats of course) as they can promise anything. Just look what this government promised the electorate pre elections.
In my book they all pig from the same trough.
Saying that I will be voting Tory next time purely to get this lot out. They can't do as much damage to the country as this lot have done, can they???
It's a shame the Monster Raving Loony party are no more, but looking at the Labour party they appear to be similar with just the monster part missing.
We are still a democracy but more in name than deed. Politicians have no moral fiber or standing, they lie through their teeth, and get away with it.
Notice how they are never corrupt, they only make errors of judgment.
Come the reckoning brothers. Banners at the ready.
Blimey, I thought Alan was the ranter on here.

Greek,

'It's a shame the Monster Raving Loony party are no more'

http://www.omrlp.com/index.php?page=a-message-from-our-leader

They're still going strong(ish!), and some very fine policies they have, as well!

Included in their Manifesto proposals:-

All socks to be sold in packs of 3 as a precaution against losing one.

It is proposed to systematicly destroy all wire coat hangers.

Underpants to be fitted with catalytic converters to reduce the amount of harmful emissions into the atmosphere.

The European Constitution which will be sorted out by going for a long Walk. "As everyone knows that walking is good for the constitution"

Separate Passports for Terrorists: Terrorists should be required (by virtue of law) to apply for separate passports in which they give there full contact details, number of explosives, and time (as well as location) of any plot. This would save time and money in gathering intelligence, and could also help identify the intended ambition(s) behind any atrocity(s).

It is proposed that the Isle of Man be renamed to "The Isle of Men, Women, Children and some Animals" as not just men live there.

Health
We will combat stress by abolishing Mondays ands having two Saturdays. Further reducing stress we will introduce the third class stamp. By the time your letter arrives the problem will have disappeared.

It is proposed to declare the Channel Tunnel a No Fly Zone.

It is proposed that people should have a free go on the national lottery when they go and vote.

Policy on Iraq: Since Iraq needs to have a proper infrastructure before they can run their own country, I propose we send our traffic wardens out to Iraq to give tickets to American Jeeps and Tanks illegally parked thereby raising much needed revenue for the Iraq government (and giving us a much needed break!)

Prescott Day
Since we have Guy Fawkes day because Fawkes ATTEMPTED to destroy Parliament (Penny for the Guy, mate!) and we burn effigies of Fawkes, should we not have a John Prescott day for SUCCEEDING in destroying Parliament, well credibility at least (Penny for the John, mate!) and we could throw John on the bonfire.

Lucky Month.
We propose to create 13th month, to get all those little things out of the way. The things you just never had time to do... like take out the trash, vote in a general election, learn Latin...
Another benefit would be that all monthly paid earners would receive an extra months pay.

The Loch Ness Monster should be added to the endangered species list.

All asylum seekers would be allowed to stay as long as they can tell a
good joke.

In order to reduce polution all cars must have their engines removed, instead they should have holes in the bottom where people can put their feet and run along.

Women's football
To get more men to watch women's football all players should have to swap shirts at the end of games (or better still, every time they kick the ball?)



More here:-

http://www.omrlp.com/index.php?page=manifesto-proposals

Ob,

A great funny read on a grotty day. With such a great manifesto, will obviously still vote for them.

It was revealed yesterday that when foreign nationals are sentenced to prison they are given the choice of whether they would like to serve their sentence in this country or their own. Yes you heard it right, THEY ARE GIVEN THE CHOICE.
Less than 200 have chosen to return to their own country to complete their sentences.
Figures earlier this year showed that foreign prisoners now make up one in seven of Britains jail population and cost the taxpayer almost 400 million a year to keep.
Incredibly, at least 21 such convicts sent to the two special jails have themselves been freed under the early release scheme - and given up to 174 in spending money.
More than 11,000 of the 81,000 prison population are foreign nationals.
These prisoners cost us the tax payer over 30,000 per year each.

Perhaps we should go further and give them the choice of cells, perhaps a south facing window and a balcony complete with room service would go down well.

No wonder this country is fast becoming the laughing stock of the world.

The Human Right Act (or more correctly the way this government interprets it) has a lot to answer for.

I know it's another rant but I get so annoyed.

Get McDonalds to do the prison catering - they'd opt to serve the sentence in their own countries then.

Come to think of it, it would be a great deterrent all round. The prisons would be half empty in no time!

I hope scientists discover intelligent life in the universe, cos there's precious little of it here on earth.

Alan, you ought to visit the south more often.

OB,

But most prisoners think a Big Mac stands for Methadone, Acid (LSD) and Cocaine.
But I suppose if it's served in a bun with salad they would at least be eating something nutritious.

Ob,
I must tell you I even have friends in the far south. Some are from as far south as Nottingham.
They tell me there is something further down the M1, but all they can tell me is to show me Photos of some mythological place where the afflicted are sent to mindlessly walk around mazes of concrete and steel. A place so likely to upset a balanced mind even the farm animals are of concrete construction (it is rumoured these are the cows McD uses for its burgers). They tell me it is called Milton Keynes, but I doubt it really exists.
It is for this reason that we have not ventured further into these realms. Beware; Here Be Dragons.

Alan,

Reading your bit about "where the afflicted are sent to mindlessly walk around mazes of concrete and steel. A place so likely to upset a balanced mind" I thought you were talking about the Houses Of Parliament until I read further.
And the line, There be dragons.....Have you see the female labor MPs.