Thought Id start this one going because its rather dead on this board at the moment and I suppose all my usual muckers are either at the Stella tennis event watching Dim Tim (lose again) or at Henly Regatta eating cucumber sandwiches (they wish,...NOT).

Anyway please feel free to just talk to yourself blast away and let it go on any company or subject you wish. Just wish Id thought of this one before.

cheers GF.

We actually bought a goat in lieu of a wedding present (as requested by the couple in question). They were much more expensive then, perhaps goat futures have collapsed in the meantime. Of course there is no way of checking whether the goat actually arrived or indeed if it has been eaten.

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well, it made me laugh.

cheers , kayak. my sis wants some fruit trees. d'ya get your money back if they don't bear fruit ? :)

Why d'you have to make things so complicated?
Buy yourself a couple of cartons of Copella apple juice - and then you can give her the apple tree they throw in.
Sorted.

I got a cow for my wedding, (only kidding, I love her really). My wife got a stallion,
(well I can dream can't I).

off to glasgow on saturday to see the world champions draw with scotland. i'll then be going on the piss, so, does anyone know any good places to eat and drink in glasgow?

in glasglow you'l be lucky to get out alive if you speak in an english accent better speak like a pole

Bos,
You'll get a very acceptable pint o' heavy and a deep fried Mars bar almost anywhere in Glasgow.
I checked the Michelin guide for you, and under Glasgow its recommendation for eating out is a little place near the train station called "The Ticket office" where you can get a cheap return to Carlisle.
;-))
Alan

There's a famous indian restaurant in Glasgow, but I cant think of it's name - theres helpful!

Anyone know it?

Glasgow is supposed to be very good for indian restaurants.

Here tis - the Ashoka

http://www.glasgowwestend.co.uk/eating/Indian.html

Yes, the Ashoka is really good, I think there are 2 or 3 in Glasgow; if you like Turkish Bosley, then the Alla Turca is worth a visit. I can't remember where exactly it is but it in the centre somewhere! The Living Room is usually a safe bet, tends to have a younger crowd from what I remember so if you like ogling the young ladies................but don't get caught doing that!!!; a "Glasgow kiss" is not to be recommended !

cheers, fellas. been doing some looking and i'll think we'll stick to pizza express and then a night in the west end.

well, what a night !! not the best game of football but what an incredible atmosphere!! commiserations to the scots. there was only one team in it in the second half when we got played off the park. sadly, once again, the game was ruined throughout by a set of shocking officials. how these people get to be given games of this importance is beyond me. a truly terrible performance by all 3 officials. went to the west end after the game and had a great night drinking, swapping scarves, caps and commiserating with the scots.

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monkeys and penguins ...... always funny :)

NEWSFLASH;

TomTom have recalled 15000 satnav systems because England cannot be found in Europe.

There is also a flood warning for tonight due to the Scots, Irish & Welsh spending all day Thursday pissing themselves.

spoilsports!

LONDON (Reuters) - An official announcer for London's Tube system has been sacked after making spoof messages mocking American tourists, peeping Toms and sweaty commuters.

Voiceover artist Emma Clarke, 36, recorded the announcements in the same smooth tones that have warned millions of passengers to "Mind The Gap" and posted them on her Web site.

The messages include:

* "We would like to remind our American tourist friends that you are almost certainly talking too loudly."

* "Would the passenger in the red shirt pretending to read the paper but who is actually staring at that woman's chest please stop. You are not fooling anyone, you filthy pervert."

* "Would passengers filling in answers on their Sudokus please accept that they are just crosswords for the unimaginative and are not in any way more impressive just because they contain numbers."

* "Here we are crammed again into a sweaty Tube carriage ... If you're female smile at the bloke next to you and make his day. He's probably not had sex for months."

Clarke said it was "just a bit of a laugh". But Tube operator Transport for London (TfL) failed to see the funny side and dropped her, after eight years.

"London Underground is sorry to have to announce that further contracts for Miss Clarke are experiencing severe delays," a TfL spokesman told the Evening Standard on Monday.

I see panto seasons nearly here

oh no it isn't

Hell's bells,....................why not......................Oh yes it is!

Westminster council have launched "SatLav" to help people find public loos in the capital. Top notch idea.
Now what else could they extend it to?
Based on my recent trip to the capital I can think of two straight away.
SatBin to find a street rubbish bin (why are they so rare in London?)
SatFood to find a cafe or takeaway that is not charging obcene and profiteering prices.
And of course SatBrit, to pinpoint a local resident to ask for directions when lost. Everyone I asked was either a tourist or spoke no English.
Any more suggestions?
Alan