Thought Id start this one going because its rather dead on this board at the moment and I suppose all my usual muckers are either at the Stella tennis event watching Dim Tim (lose again) or at Henly Regatta eating cucumber sandwiches (they wish,...NOT).

Anyway please feel free to just talk to yourself blast away and let it go on any company or subject you wish. Just wish Id thought of this one before.

cheers GF.

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monkeys and penguins ...... always funny :)

NEWSFLASH;

TomTom have recalled 15000 satnav systems because England cannot be found in Europe.

There is also a flood warning for tonight due to the Scots, Irish & Welsh spending all day Thursday pissing themselves.

spoilsports!

LONDON (Reuters) - An official announcer for London's Tube system has been sacked after making spoof messages mocking American tourists, peeping Toms and sweaty commuters.

Voiceover artist Emma Clarke, 36, recorded the announcements in the same smooth tones that have warned millions of passengers to "Mind The Gap" and posted them on her Web site.

The messages include:

* "We would like to remind our American tourist friends that you are almost certainly talking too loudly."

* "Would the passenger in the red shirt pretending to read the paper but who is actually staring at that woman's chest please stop. You are not fooling anyone, you filthy pervert."

* "Would passengers filling in answers on their Sudokus please accept that they are just crosswords for the unimaginative and are not in any way more impressive just because they contain numbers."

* "Here we are crammed again into a sweaty Tube carriage ... If you're female smile at the bloke next to you and make his day. He's probably not had sex for months."

Clarke said it was "just a bit of a laugh". But Tube operator Transport for London (TfL) failed to see the funny side and dropped her, after eight years.

"London Underground is sorry to have to announce that further contracts for Miss Clarke are experiencing severe delays," a TfL spokesman told the Evening Standard on Monday.

I see panto seasons nearly here

oh no it isn't

Hell's bells,....................why not......................Oh yes it is!

Westminster council have launched "SatLav" to help people find public loos in the capital. Top notch idea.
Now what else could they extend it to?
Based on my recent trip to the capital I can think of two straight away.
SatBin to find a street rubbish bin (why are they so rare in London?)
SatFood to find a cafe or takeaway that is not charging obcene and profiteering prices.
And of course SatBrit, to pinpoint a local resident to ask for directions when lost. Everyone I asked was either a tourist or spoke no English.
Any more suggestions?
Alan

It's behind you.

Is there a congestion charge for the loos?

Just the normal price of a packet of Ex-Lax...................

Hmmm, as panto season is upon us we'd best watch out for Mother Goose in those loos then?

do you think she will undo buttons?

Best not mention Puss-in-Boots then.

Nor the Ugly Shitsters.

http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/419kV5gIJzL._AA280_.jpg

MAM are doing a panto this year, so line up for the auditions.
They were going to do a nativity play but after trawling through all the BB contributors they couldn't find 3 wise men and a virgin.

Bet they could find plenty willing to make an ass of themselves though!

I hope you enjoyed St Andrew's day James1 and celebrated like a true Scot - with a nice cup of tea and a shortbread biscuit.

1) Was it St Andrews day?????
2) I'm not a Scot
3) Surely the traditional way is with a pint of Heavy, a fish supper, a deep fried Mars Bar and a fight down the local.
;-)
Alan

BREAKING NEWS:

After all the fuss in Sudan over the teddy bear called Mohammed, Sooty has decided to cancel his tour of Jamaica.
More to follow.........................