Thought Id start this one going because its rather dead on this board at the moment and I suppose all my usual muckers are either at the Stella tennis event watching Dim Tim (lose again) or at Henly Regatta eating cucumber sandwiches (they wish,...NOT).

Anyway please feel free to just talk to yourself blast away and let it go on any company or subject you wish. Just wish Id thought of this one before.

cheers GF.

A Little Humour.

Two southerners - both businessmen in London - were sitting down for a break in their new soon-to-be-opened store.

But as yet, the store wasn't ready, having only a few empty shelves set up.

One said to the other, "I bet any minute now some thick tourist is going to walk by, put his face to the window and ask what we're selling."

No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious Yorkshireman walked to the window, had a peek, and in a broad Yorkshire accent asked "What's tha sellin' ere then?"

One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling arse-holes."

Without skipping a beat, the Yorkshireman said, "Tha's doing well then...Only two left!"

This is going back to a former topic (Mr Wetherspoon and badly behaved kids) but has/would anyone tried/try what David Cameron is advocating today?
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/education/article3308629.ece

I'm all in favour Oblo; trouble is, if I intervene I am quite likely to be tempted to beat the crap out of one of the little sh*ts if they try to intimidate me - then who would be in trouble?

What about this Ripon thing then, cancelling the pancake race because someone may fall over? Bunch of tossers!

Any politician who talks about involvement with other peoples kids is talking crap.
A politician has not been this wrong since one stood on an aeroplane steps and waved a bit of paper around.
Fact. Once they are able to talk, the kids from the type of families that cause these problems would tell you to F*** off.
Fact. Children are taught from an early age in school that if people say or do things they don't like, they must ring Childline.
Fact. Government after government has laid down more and more draconian child protection laws to the point where approaching within 10 feet of any child is tantamount to criminality. Even my beloved cricket team has had to abandon its youth policy because we cannot afford seperate changing facilities for mixed age teams.
Fact. The kids know all this. At my eldest daughters school, when a mobile goes off in class, or something goes missing, standard policy was to do a "bag/locker search". This is being rethought after a 12 year old challanged it as an invasion of privacy and against there human rights.
If a politicain really wants to improve things, start punishing the little darlings with the full force and majesty of the law.
Rant over.

Amongst all this political stuff and putting of the world to rights, don't let's forget it's Pancake Day today and also Valentine's Day quite soon.

PS. There are some who say pancakes are bad for you.

Pancakes bad for you? Only in Ripon ExecLine, and only if you fall over!

Pancake Day Race cancelled in Ripon due to Health and Safety regulations.

The UK has surely finally gone mad. What Health and Safety poppycock!

I'm sure I said it before, but it bears repeating.
Anthropologists have found the fossil of the worlds first health and safety officer.
He belonged to a tribe who used to follow animals around waiting for them to die rather than hunting, becuase they were not allowed sharp spears, and then eat them raw as they were not allowed close enough to fire to cook them.

i know one of these guys , he earns a fortune going around counting cracks in pavements!

My confidence is now fully restored.

The Speaker of the house has chosen three MPs to investigate the allegations of MP's expenses. The three include David Maclean, the Conservative MP who tried to stop the Freedom of Information Act applying to questions about MPs expenses and who got the taxpayer to pay for his quad bike, and Sir Stuart Bell, a Labour MP who hired his son Malcolm as a researcher. While working in Parliament, Bell junior broke into George Galloway's (Saddam Hussein is my hero) office, stole his chequebook and made off with 2,000 from Galloway's bank account. Bell Senior is obviously just the man to decide whether MPs hiring members of their family can lead to dishonesty.

Talk about self interest. I would put unbelievable, but these days anything is.

And further to that..........
Yesterday David Cameron announced that all front bench Tory MPs must disclose everything about their expenses, who they employ, what for and where the rest of the money goes.
This was hot news on the radio, all day, and all day we were treated to a succession of Tory spokesmen pointing out that it was all in the interests of honesty, openess and transparancy. It was hilarious to then listen to them refuse to answer the questions of "will it apply to non front benchers" and "if not, why not". In a spirit of honesty and transparancy, they wriggled like hell and wouldn't give an answer, just trotting out the line of "why can't you be pleased we are doing something".
One interviewer of Ruth Kelly, illicited from her that while every man woman and child in the UK who wishes to claim expenses or tax reliefs must, by law, provide receipts, this doesn't apply to politicians, though her front bench would now have to. The back benchers apparantly, can still have the country take their word for it!!!

My problem is I desperately want this thieving Labour government out, but what's the alternative. Whoever wins the next election it will be a case of, it's now our turn to move from the opposition trough (not quite as lucrative) to the more lucrative we are now in power trough (which is probably a bit deeper).
I will probably end up voting for a fringe party. Not because I feel they would be any whiter, or better for the country, it would be purely as a protest vote.
I sincerely hope that with all the forthcoming financial problems, IE increases in prices for food, power, fuel community charge and so on people will say enough is enough and become far more militant.
The stone is being bled dry.

My problem is I want to vote for anarchy, and thats a bit of a paradox in anyones language.
By the way, according to the OED prior to 1929, anarchy was defined as "A perfect state with no need for government". Only now does it mean beating people with a pick axe handle.

Anarchy v Dictatorship. Someone recently stated that in this country we have a democratically elected dictatorship. Whilst obviously we are not a dictatorship as compared with many countries, there are often policies that are not even (especially under Blair) that were not discussed in cabinet. How can that and the none promised vote on the EU constitution be a democracy.

The present problem is, IMO, that we have a corrupt government doing a bad job. Having a corrupt government is (just about) acceptable if they are competent - I'd be happy to settle for that.

Trouble is, this government has even become incompetent at being corrupt!

Any new government is likely to be at best less than squeaky clean, but at least you have the chance (highly likely) that they may be more competent than the Gordon McBrown Gang.

The odd 50,000 paid to the pet Budgie for helping with research is a small price to pay if we're otherwise gettng value for money. You have to decide which party is most likely to deliver that value for money.

Alan, you don't need to vote for Anarchy - if this bunch stays in power much longer you'll get it!

Oblomov,

Incompetent at being corrupt! Classic absolutely classic.

Only one step left then - incompetent at being incompetent; or are we already there? I'm sure I've heard it said somewhere?!

I take back all I said a couple of weeks ago, about UK plc having no industry worth talking of left.
Todays news is all about a proposed boom in our import & export trade.
According to the premier league, we are about to export crowd trouble, bad haircuts and cliches worldwide as the clubs play an international fixture every year.
As for imports, our friend the Archbishop of canterbury has said we should import laws and morals from Afghanistan. Don't dare to criticise his support for Shariah, cos the law in Afghanistan means he would have to cut yer lips off for that.

There goes equal rights then, as if they were ever equal anyway, I always get lumbered with the DIY and mowing the grass... How you doing Alan, not spoke since the collapse of Stan...... Won't say the rest as a very sore subject??

Here's a subject that really irks me - whaling.

The BBC have shown footage on the news this evening of Japanese whalers killing a mother and its calf, allegedly in the name of science, but in reality to satisfy the Japanese food market. Having hunted the species to near extinction common sense eventually prevailed and a ban imposed to protect the whales. Personally I can see no reason for the Japanese nor the Norwegians to continue killing these magnificent creatures, it makes me sick. I have been lucky enough to get quite close to whales in the South Atlantic, a fantastic experience. It's a pity world opinion cannot be galvanised sufficiently to stop the killing. Japan's economy relies entirely upon its exports for survival, an embargo on Japanese products for a few months by the rest of the world would bring the country to its knees; would that ever happen? With regret, I would have to say, no chance!!