Thought Id start this one going because its rather dead on this board at the moment and I suppose all my usual muckers are either at the Stella tennis event watching Dim Tim (lose again) or at Henly Regatta eating cucumber sandwiches (they wish,...NOT).

Anyway please feel free to just talk to yourself blast away and let it go on any company or subject you wish. Just wish Id thought of this one before.

cheers GF.

Caught up with trev this weekend. He was, as usual, slightly the worse for drink, and tapping people up for a beer.
"I'm celebrating, Al", as he tried to sit on his smoking area stool.
"I picked all the right numbers on the Euro lottery on Friday".
This made me ask why he wasn't buying me a drink.
"Cos I never put my 1.50 on, thats why". I couldn't see why this was a cause for celebration. Suicide perhaps, but not celebration. So he told me.
"Narrowest escape of my life". Now I was perplexed, or even a little flummoxed.
"Imagine 95 Million. No way I could spend that. Ever."
"I tried" he said, "In my head, like, but it's not possible". I asked what he had tried to spend it on. "Well I'd pay my bar tab, obviously, and I might get you a drink. I was thinking about one of them right to buy things with my council flat, but what with the housing market and stuff, I might lose a bit on that. So then I thought about a car. One of those sporty Ferrari types." (As opposed to the much rarer non-sporty type).
"Anyway, I changed my mind about that on account of I can't drive and the kids would smash it up in the tower block car park. So then I thought I haven't had a holiday for a while so i might go on one of them real luxury ones where its like a hotel and not a caravan, somewhere tropical and distant, like Newquay".
"Well thats sensible Trev. You'd enjoy that".
"Yeah but its the water at these long away places innit? With my feet I don't want to be running to the privvy every 15 minutes, and I checked in the paper and it can cost a couple of hundred quid and the beers not very good. Anyway, I can't surf. Not with these feet". I was left wondering which feet he could surf with.
"So then I thought, Trev, what have you always wanted? And the answer came just like that. I always wanted to be covered in chocolate and fed to a group of 17 year old cheerleaders, so I went to see Madam Maggie in Cheap Street and asked for a quote, and she told me to bugger off, cos her house of ill repute has a good reputation".
"Yeah, but Trev," says I, "With 95 million you could have all that and more".
"Thats the point though, Al. Firstly would I be happy?" (I bloody would). "And secondly, I learned in time that my dole and housing benefit would be stopped and I've guarded that for decades, So thats why I never put my ticket on">
And with that, he fell off his stool and waddled off to the bar to see if he could get an overdraft facility on his tab for a packet of dry roasted.

Read a report in this mornings news which leaves me shocked and bemused.
Apparantly ASBO's (Anti Social Behaviour Orders) are criminalizing kids.
I didn't think any comment was necessary, but apparantly the report thinks this, so I better explain. Here goes for the hard of thinking.........
How do ASBO's criminalize???? Surely they commit a crime before getting an ASBO? By definition, having an ASBO means you are a criminal so how can an ASBO criminalize a criminal? The government has spent money on educated(?) people to get this claptrap?
Okay, I'll try one. Passing your driving test makes you want to drive a car. That'll be 20million please for my report.
It goes on to say that ASBO's are too often used as a way of punishing kids. I was under the impression it was a punishment, not a reward for good school attendance or excellent handwriting.
So in summary, well behaved and adjusted kids who happen to go round trashing cars and scaring the bejesus out of old Mrs Clough next door are being put into a reward system that turns them into worse criminals, and its all the fault of the people who complain about them and a judiciary who desire to see them punished and off the streets.
NURSE!!!! They're out of bed again!!!!

The main problem with Sharia Law is not so much the draconian punishments as we could do with some of them in this country, it's their so called justice system. Guilty till found innocent, especially if you're female.
Would anyone out there trust to such a court for a fair hearing.

Alan,

Re above comment on ASBO's. Now if we gave the little S**T* a Sharia ASBO (Amputation, Stoning, Beheading Order) it might just work.

Years ago I was in a Magistrates Court when the mother of a youth with multiple convictions stood up and said (and she was being serious) that her little cherub would not have a criminal record at all if the Police did not keep locking him up. Twisted logic or what.
Another stupid statement often spouted by the lefties is that Prisons are a university of crime. As a person has to break the law (and be caught) many times before prison is even considered, unless of course the offense is VERY serious, they have already been well versed in all aspects of criminal behavior. They learn all they need to know from their mates outside. This is what they discuss, standing on street corners, or loitering outside beer offs and takeaways.
There are many kids younger than 10 year old who can and do hot wire cars, motorbikes and the like. I met a 9 year old kid years ago who told me how to use a spark pug to break into a car via the window without making any noise.
The Police learn most tricks of the villains trade from the villains themselves.

Whatever happened to that short sharp shock politicians kept spouting a few years ago?

Anybody remember Eric Burdon and the Animals singing the Nina Simone song,

"Baby, do you understand me now?
Sometimes I feel a little mad ...
But don't you know that no one alive -
Can always be an angel -
When things go wrong, I seem to be bad.
But I'm just a soul whose intentions are good:
Oh Lord! Please don't let me be misunderstood ..."

Rowan Williams is doing a cover version.....but since music is of the devil, there soon will be a fatwa against him........then we will be "rid..of this turbulent priest".

He has always had something of the Antichrist about him - it's the eyebrows I think.

.

Gosh ! They've chopped off his head already !

MrCharts,

Yusuf Islam (Cat Stevens) did a fine version of it on his 'comeback' album a year or so back.

sorry just testing

Sorry to get all serious, but I detect a new breeze blowing in the subprime arena that may well be a short term help to the economy, even if it is a long term drain.
let me explain.
The downturn is predicted based on the inability of low credit families to raise money, which they had done for years and spent at the supermarket or on cars and holidays. The credit crunch and unwillingness of banks to lend to each other caused this.
Sub prime lenders responded by toughening criteria and restricting loan to value to the point where raising money this way was pointless.
Capitalism abhors a vacuum, and I said as much 4 or 5 months ago. The lenders (not the banks) would source their money elsewhere and fill a gaping hole in the market. This they have done, by sourcing their sub prime lending requirements from stable economies and offering the loans as sterling to avoid the client having a currency risk.
Today, I am notified of the launch of sub prime lending where the criteria is as it was 12 months ago but the rates are not attached to the LIBOR rate, they are based on the Swiss Franc equivilent of LIBOR, which runs at 2.75%.
This means clients with ccj's and arrears can now lend at a rate as good as our own high street, without currency risk and spend, spend, spend as they did before, while the lenders are getting their money wholesale from a stable economy, with a stable currency, build in their own currency risk margin and make a good margin from the loans, which will make them attractive as a SIV to others.
Could be good news on the economy, short term, but long term it is a client lost by british banks and the UK economy.

I'd got me cossie out and set up me paddlin pool and now I find me Reggae Reggae Sauce only lasts for 5 days once the bottle has been opened, so it's outa date.

It's full of just the natural ingredients, you see. Ah well.

And the suns gone in too. :-(

http://http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/middle_east/7244579.stm

Coming to a Sharia Court near you soon

You can see it here but not on the Tube. The London Underground has banned the picture after considering it to be too 'risque'.

Quite right too.
Anybody looking at it should be beheaded, or if they are under 5 years of age, just have their eyes gouged out.

This is even worse and is typical of Western filth.
http://www.royalacademy.org.uk/exhibitions/from-russia/about-the-exhibition/gallery-of-key-images/section-two,101,RAL.html

I mean, these degenerates are actually dancing !

Won't say unbelievable as nothing surprises me anymore re this Government.
Latest mind popping idea. (I know some of these have been posted before but never seen all the suggestions in one document before, care of The Daily Telegraph).

Parents with children who regularly play truant are to be given cash incentives to encourage them to attend more regular.
People who's health is at serious risk from overeating, smoking or drinking too much are to be offered cash incentives to improve their life styles.
People who are reluctant to get work are also to be offered similar incentives to encourage them to get off their buts and earn their keep.

So if you have very bad self induced health problems, don't give a damn about your kids and would sooner watch daytime TV than earn a crust you could be quids in.
But if you already try to keep healthy, are child responsible and work, it's BLOODY HARD LUCK.

The inmates are indeed in charge of the asylum.

Now I know where I went wrong.

This is about bribing people to vote Labour.
Look at Gordon Brown. Would you buy a used car from this man, especially if he "smiles" at you?

at age 18..all citizens in this country should be assessed to determine if they are/will contribute to society, even if it means all they do is sweep the streets at night or stack shelves or any of the million other jobs that are low paid but necessary.
If the answer is no........Bullet in the head.
Call it Sharia-shameless law.
if nothing else i think my council tax would come down after the first years expenses for the millions of bullets.
Also the bodies could be burnt to generate electricity.
Hows that for being green and thinking outside the box.
welcome to NEW Britain.
;-)

What an unholy alliance - Church of England/Islamo-Fascists/Socialist Govt.
Where are the Tories and the Lembit-Democrats? They are supposed to be OPPOSING.
Thank goodness for the press; with all its faults, it's the only viable opposition to the insanity of those running this country.
We will even have a king one day who talks to plants and wants to be a tampon.

No trees were felled, damaged or offended in the making of this carbon-neutral post.

Put this on the London Underground ,at least their clothed.