Thought Id start this one going because its rather dead on this board at the moment and I suppose all my usual muckers are either at the Stella tennis event watching Dim Tim (lose again) or at Henly Regatta eating cucumber sandwiches (they wish,...NOT).

Anyway please feel free to just talk to yourself blast away and let it go on any company or subject you wish. Just wish Id thought of this one before.

cheers GF.

About the wife...it depends whether you love her or not...distract her and tie a rope to her foot during the fireworks display, if she notices anything say to her : "that it will only take her into sub-orbit.....it's for the kids you'll see ...it'll make them smile"....!

Euhhh !....as some of my blogs are serious..."please don't try this at home folks" !.

hear hear required!

You might enjoy this one!

The US Presidential Election - An Announcement


A MESSAGE FROM HRH THE QUEEN


To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II
In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves properly, we hereby revoke,renounce and declare to be void and of no effect your so called declaration of independence.
(You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary).

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories forming the Union or any part thereof (except for Kansas, which she does not particularly fancy).

Your new Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.
Congress and the Senate are hereby dissolved and disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
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1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').
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2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as 'like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English.. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.'
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3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
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4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you cannot sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you are not ready to shoot grouse..
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5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
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6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.
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7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.
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8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.
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9. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.
---------------------
10. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full Kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies)..
---------------------
11. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the Australians first to take the sting out of their deliveries.

12. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the immediate collection of all tax monies due (backdated to 1776).
---------------
God Save the Queen!

You lot are not as mucky as I thought. I would have put money on it that there would have been several sexual suggestions on how to improve my sex live.
No doubt the rest of you are on a higher moral plain than Tabasco and Required Field (but I doubt it).

This Is Me,

Just seen your post. Very good/funny even if there is a lot of it that rings true.
Of course the days of teaching other countries democracy have long faded. Come the revolution brothers!

Amazing.....! thanks this is me, too much influence from the USA !.

Greekman ..I am very moral. You have hurt me..take the m away.even more so! lol

Come, come Tabasco...we shall live to fight again !,.....vive la revolution (as long as my earnings keep coming in) !.

OK then RF you have talked me into it you silver tongued smoothy!..Bo**ocks to Abama.anything in America with Democratic in the title is advisable to give a huge swerveI dont think it means the same thing in their dictionary.

Well it's Obama.....he has a lot to sort out and make this a better world....he will have his hands full !.

The only problem is that he is intent of pouring 'gas' on the burning economy. Low interest rates ant too much cash sloshing around caused the problems and guess what he intends to do?

Barack Obama who has raised more than $600 million since he announced his candidacy in February 2007 has an awful lot of favours to repay on Wall StreetI think this could end in tearsBush is not a hard act to follow..But..
The US national debt is currently running at $10.2 trillion in September 2008.. the national debt clock had to have the digital dollar sign eliminated to make space for an extra digit the 1″ in $10 trillion. According to the Associated Press there is now a new National Debt Clock being made to allow for a quadrillion dollar debt its reported to be completed early 2009.

I understand Obama has been seeking the Messiah's (Gordon Browns) advice re the economy, as Gordon being the more experienced statesman. So the USA have nothing (financially) to worry about then.

LOL

US election thoughts;

Our colonial cousins across the pond are simple folk, apt to adopting and understanding very simple notions. Complex international policy has to be summed up for them in terms of goodies and baddies. Their grasp of policy is only bettered (worsened?) by their grasp of good English, and that is saying something.
In my opinion, the short term future for Uncle Sam looks fairly bright. One can almost see the citizens of that former colony strapping a dead moose to their car bonnet (not a hood you ignoramous), leaning out of the car window with a can of Colt 45 and whooping and hollering down the streets in anticipation of a bright new dawn, under a young and vibrant president.
To be fair, we did the same in an understated British kind of way, when TB was elected.
This hope of a new age reminds me somewhat of the euphoria surrounding JFK (I was not born, but I have read of it). Lets face it. Every nation on earth depends for its economic recovery on those simple Americans feeling good and buying things, and I think the new Mr President may instill a bit of that.
As for the longer term I'm not so sure.
Our redneck friends are very keen on conservative (with an enormous "C"), middle aged white men who will not rock any boats (other than commie ones that they can blast out of the water). So to elect Mr Obama is a little odd, and if things go a bit awry, they will be very unforgiving.
I do not envy him his job. He has his work cut out after a brief honeymoon period, and failure may well knock his causes of equality, equity, moderation, liberalism and negotiation back at least a generation.
The really interesting bit is that a media who pretend to be ultra politically correct, in a nation that invented political correctness have majored on one thing. Not policy, but Skin colour, with a small mention of African roots.
Could anyone tell me where Mr McCains dad comes from?

Re economic recovery.

Sub Prime.
Lending to those who cant pay and then selling the packaged loans on to others that also did not understand, but never thought, 'Hang on a mo, so this package that is full of c**p that you don't want, you want me to buy as an investment', Yes please, because I can sell it on to an even thicker person/institution for a profit.
As the sub prime market did not cause any problems till the passing of the parcel stopped, I blame the person/institution who went and spoiled it all by having a sneaky look inside.
Governments are always warning us of Boiler House scams so how come they did not see this coming.
As to the present financial state of the world, yes we will get out of it but as it will rely on those that got us into this mess in the first place, my personal opinion is that it won't be until 2020 or beyond.
Not usually a pessimist but I think that many Governments, including ours are hiding the full extent of the problem, in the same way as the financial institutions did, re write downs, and their dept book.
After all Gordon Brown has so many items of dept that do not appear in the accounts, who in their right mind thinks that he is going to be any more open re this.
Hope I'm wrong but!
Any thoughts?

Why not leave this country and try another one. I am sure somebody will love you!



8-)

Hi Fred,

Agree that we, including myself probably knock this country too much and that compared to many countries we have many things that are far better. I had one of those days yesterday, you know, grey skies, grey mood. It's the loss of many things over the last few years that wind me up. It's actually the love of this country that make me despondent on where things appear to be heading.
As to leaving the country. I keep doing that but they keep sending me back, so possibly you are wrong, and nobody loves me. Oh dear, depressed again.

Hi Greekman.if Freds having a go at you he must have had an off daywarm pint?I have provoked him many a time to get a handle on his views.absolute gentleman!

Morning Tabasco,

No prob re Fred's post. People who continually knock this country often wind me up as well.
When I was far younger I got a bit fed up with the older generation with their, 'When I were a lad' and 'In the good old days' comments. Well now I'm one of them (60) I find it is often me looking back with rose tinted glasses, summers were warmer, winters colder, snow every Xmas, Beer 2 bob a pint, chips 6 pence a bag and a tank full of petrol about 2. UK Governments being more democratic (but not much).
I don't know how old Fred is but I bet when he gets toward 60 there is a good chance he will join the Victor Meldrew brigade.
As to this country. I travel a fair bit and often hear people on holiday say that they would love to live in certain countries, but I appreciate that holidaying and living in a country are very different, although many of my ex colleagues have emigrated, mainly due to the high cost of living and high taxes.

So as the Yanks say, 'have a good day all' including FRED.