Thought Id start this one going because its rather dead on this board at the moment and I suppose all my usual muckers are either at the Stella tennis event watching Dim Tim (lose again) or at Henly Regatta eating cucumber sandwiches (they wish,...NOT).

Anyway please feel free to just talk to yourself blast away and let it go on any company or subject you wish. Just wish Id thought of this one before.

cheers GF.

I received a letter from the FSA today. It started "Unauthorised overseas......" I thought "oh sh*t, now what?" Then I realised I was not being accused of anything, just warned of "Unauthorised overseas brokers targeting UK consumers". The FSA went on to say that my name has been found on a list used by fraudsters who cold call people trying to persuade them to buy often worthless shares.

I receive at least 4 calls a month from 'boiler room' shites and I have to confess that I take a perverse pleasure in baiting them, convincing them that they've found another sucker, before I tell them to piss off!

I don't need any boiler room to sell me worthless shares, I can do that on my own!

It is good to see the FSA doing something useful though isn't it?!

Yes you can have some fun winding these cold callers up. Same with the cold callers at your door. I tell them straight away I am not interested (I never buy anything at the door). If as they never take the first no for an answer, they carry on trying to sell, I allow them to think I am sort of interested. After several minutes I tell them I am still not interested. They of course carry on the spiel. I then tell them I have no money. Then of course the old, 'We can help with a finance package' comes out. After a few more minutes of flannel, I tell them I am really interested but as I am an undeclared bankrupt and that I have not yet filed yet, with also several County Court Judgements against me I doubt if they could set me up with a loan. (I hasten to add, none of the Bankrupt/CCJ's is true).
Never yet had any further sales pitch.

My wife has also been told that I will always speak to Jehovah Witness and Labour Party activists. I talk them all to a stand still. I think I have converted a few Jehovah's, and the party activists wish they had passed by.

Can't believe that people do buy shares from these cold callers. There are obvious excuses for the none young, mentally challenged (PC brigade won't get me).

Usually, when I get the God Squad at the door, I explain that the wife and I were just discussing religion and the pros and cons of the various versions, but that I am on my way out. The missus, however, is in the lounge and they should go straight through and talk to her.
Meanwhile, I grab my coat and disappear in the general direction of pub.

Alan, you should do a rewrite of 'The Great Escape'!

Alan,
Great idea. Must try that one when I don't have time for the chat.
Trouble is though my missus would become a convert to both the Jehovah's and the Labour Party.
Imagine that, a Jehovah Witness who is a Labour party activist. One bleeds you dry, the other doesn't believe in blood transfusions.
I left her alone once and a salesman sold her some conservatory blinds, and we don't even have a conservatory.
Only kidding, but she does have a soft spot and a salesman would only have to spin a poverty line, such as, will be fired if did not meet sales target, kids have no food on the table, house being repossessed etc and she would buy any line.
Having been married to me for nearly 29 years proves the point.

Alanif you tell them you are a registered blood donor they seem to go with very little persuasion.if that dont work the dog normally takes a small chunk out of the leg and then they need one which of course they cant have.so they bleed to death.dont get a lot of callers these days?

Letting your dog loose on a Jehovah's Witness is cruel.
My last dog, a chihuahua, choked to death on one.

Wifes has just come home with ABBA the movie.7 asda.seen the West End Stage Show 8 times.we are sad!.if you ever feel down in this sometimes depressing World of bad news...give it a go

:-)

Haven't seen it myself. Sounds very much like I might be missing out.

So Gordon Ramsay the highest-earning chef in the worldmarried for 12 years and has four children under tenVoted Celebrity Father Of The Year in 2006 and in 2007 the Ramsays were named Celebrity Family of the YearIn short he has got the lot!
Not enough for that foul mouthed fu*kerhe wants it all and a bit on the sideTanashame on him if he fools you onceshame on you if he fools you twicetake him for the lot
I also remember Paula Yates being the perfect Motherwrote two books on how to achieve thishaving to have psychiatric treatmentand being a heroin addictsays a lot about our so called celebritiesyes Jonathan Ross you twat.I suggest everyone on here turns their channel over when Ramsey or Ross appearI will be!

Tabasco,

Could not agree more. These days many so called Celebs are worshipped like some type of god. It seems that as soon as they have a child they become experts at child rearing, writing books on the subject. They appear in magazines giving advice on anything from fashion to marriage guidance. Within a couple of years they appear on talent show panels judging others, when half of them have no talent themselves.
And just look at these 'I'm a celebrity get me out of here shows'. Just how many are real celebrities! They should be called, 'I'm a has been or/and never was get me out of here.
I am always surprised that anyone buys their books or watches these programmes.
Jonathan Ross is just a foul mouth yob, with no talent that I can see.
As for Gordon Ramsey, he is also a foul mouth yob, but he at least has a talent.

Welcome to 'Miserable old men'.

Tonight's Grumpy old men are Tabby, Doc and greekman. Should be an absolute corker.

Greekmanthanks.Gausieit has been obvious for some time the standard of your morality.here is a little reminder of the meaning:- What are moral values? Moral values are the standards of good and evil which govern an individuals behavior and choices. Individuals morals may derive from society and government religion.. or self When moral values derive from society and government they of necessity may change as the laws and morals of the society change An example of the impact of changing laws on moral values may be seen in the case of marriage vs. living togetherwhich side of the fence are you working from Gausie?

Oh Gausie.nobody parties more than me sunshineI aint grumpyI am just not prepared to suffer arseholesyou set your own morals as low under the bar as you wish!

Limboooooooooooooooo..haaaaaaaaa

Again agree. I also try to get the most out of life. I moan because often it is the only way to change things. I have though stopped asking people to mind their language as much as I used to, as all you get back is more of the same and it has got me into more than a few scrapes. You can go in most pubs these days and hear the most foul language. When I am with other males it does not bother me, but nowadays it matters not if you are out with your wife or kids are present.
Society must have standards, otherwise we descend into total anarchy.
Due to my previous career of 25 years, I came into contact with some of the worse types of people that this world contains, so I'm not a person who is easily offended by words or actions. This does not mean I have to accept such behaviour.
Keeping quiet and meekly excepting where the world is heading is easy.
Standing your ground to be counted is the hard part.

Very good, clever and funny, but someone else found it before you. Now we know where GB and AD put all the countries money.

Britney doing "Womanizer" - at the Bambi Awards in Offenberg, Germany - where Karl Lagerfeld gave her the gong for "Best International Pop Star" :-



Britney doing 'Womanizer" - the one that got cancelled for its nude shots :-



You can watch her on 'X-Factor' on Saturday night and make an assessment to see if she's full recovered. Not with clothes, that is, but mentally and also as a performer.

A Modern Parable.

A Japanese company (Toyota) and an American company (Ford Motors) decided to have a canoe race on the Missouri River. Both teams practiced long and hard to reach their peak performance before the race.

On the big day, the Japanese won by a mile.

The Americans, very discouraged and depressed, decided to investigate the reason for the crushing defeat. A management team made up of senior management was formed to investigate and recommend appropriate action.
< BR>Their conclusion was the Japanese had 8 people rowing and 1 person steering, while the American team had 7 people steering and 2 people rowing.

Feeling a deeper study was in order, American management hired a consulting company and paid them a large amount of money for a second opinion.

They advised, of course, that too many people were steering the boat, while not enough people were rowing.

Not sure of how to utilize that information, but wanting to prevent another loss to the Japanese, the rowing team's management structure was totally reorganized to 4 steering supervisors, 2 area steering superintendents and 1 assistant superintendent steering manager.

They also implemented a new performance system that would give the 2 people rowing the boat greater incentive to work harder. It was called the 'Rowing Team Quality First Program,' with meetings, dinners and free pens for the rowers. There was discussion of getting new paddl es, canoes and other equipment, extra vacation days for practices and bonuses. The pension program was trimmed to 'equal the competition' and some of the resultant savings were channeled into morale-boosting programs and teamwork posters.

The next year the Japanese won by two miles.

Humiliated, the American management laid off one rower, halted development of a new canoe, sold all the paddles, and canceled all capital investments for new equipment. The money saved was distributed to the Senior Executives as bonuses.

The next year, try as he might, the lone designated rower was unable to even finish the race (having no paddles,) so he was laid off for unacceptable performance, all canoe equipment was sold and the next year' s racing team was out-sourced to India.

Sadly, the End.

Here's something else to think about: Ford has spent the last thirty years moving all its factories out of the US, claiming they can't make money paying American wages.

TOYOTA has spent the last thirty years building more than a dozen plants inside the US. The last quarter's results:

TOYOTA makes 4 billion in profits while Ford racked up 9 billion in losses.

Ford folks are still scratching their heads, and collecting bonuses...

IF THIS WEREN'T SO TRUE IT MIGHT BE FUNNY