Thought Id start this one going because its rather dead on this board at the moment and I suppose all my usual muckers are either at the Stella tennis event watching Dim Tim (lose again) or at Henly Regatta eating cucumber sandwiches (they wish,...NOT).

Anyway please feel free to just talk to yourself blast away and let it go on any company or subject you wish. Just wish Id thought of this one before.

cheers GF.

As our illustrious government is chucking money at several lost causes, I have approached them for a consideration of bailing out my share portfolio (over the last 6 months I would consider it to fit the definition of a government deserving lost cause if ever there was one).
After all if they have bailed out the banks toxic debt.
Toxic noun....the physiological state produced by a poison or other toxic substance.
As my portfolio has effected me physiologically, and most of my shares fit the definition of a toxic substance, I think it fits the bill.
If my request is granted, I have promised to spend most of any cash they send me, throwing a huge party down the local pub. Not for self gratification of course but to save them from closure. After everyone has had a skin full, any monies left will be channelled back into the Labour Party as a donation, via my business 'Zimbabwean Holiday Homes'. Obviously a British registered business.
After all if this latest government initiative fails investing in Zimbabwe might start looking a tempting prospect.
Nothing appears to have worked, from the VAT cuts, bank bail outs to those vast cuts in interest rates.
Doh, its not the interest rates you muppets, it's the none availability of loans. Get it yet!

Anyone else out there want some Quantitative easing.
Note...Anyone interested in purchasing a holiday home in Zimbabwe, please post here and I will send you a brochure. All payments must be in Zimbabwean dollars (ZWD) as I don't trust the strength of the .
This offer must close by end of March .

Double talk.
"we saved our custmers just under 46m in foreign currency loading fees"
"We are not making a profit"
Except for all the transactions outside of Europe.
Figures dont lie, but liars can figure.

Try Lonzim Greekman they could just be the investment of the year.
When they come back from suspension.
Could make a fortune with many Zero`s.
Luck.

Cheers Porky,

The thing is a lot of my shares are heading toward a figure with lots of Zero's. Problem is they are not proceeded with an actual number.
But if I make any sort of success with my investing, my plan re a government hand out wont work.
Remember the bankers (yes I did say bankers) motto, especially Fred the Shred's.
Nothing breeds success like failure.
Apologise to Sir Arthur Helps, 1868:...Nothing breeds success like success.

Talking about reward for failure. If the payout gets bigger, the more you fail, GB and AD must be looking at the most monumental pay out of all time.

Collecting extra data. Did you know this about speed cameras. Big brother is really watching you.
Check what cameras have recorded you. Where and how many times.
The info has been released under the Freedom of Information act. BUT THEY DON'T WANT YOU TO KNOW, so it's been kept quiet, up till now.

http://www.i-database.co.uk/index1.php

Thank God for that.

One look at the picture and its obviously the wife driving.....................

Morning Alan and all,

If your wife looks like that, no wonder you are always on here.
Does she have an identical twin? as if so we may be related by marriage re my wife.
Good site though. And must admit it caught me out.
Don't want to give any more away though, re the big brother thing.

Greek.

Just when I started to think that this countries rules could not get any more ridiculous.

It appears that over 5,000,000 has been paid to compensate prisoners that have been released early under the 'early release scheme'.
This 'compensation' is to reimburse the prisoners for loss of accommodation/food etc that would have been supplied by the state (IE us) if they had not been released early.
No doubt it won't be long before some enterprising ex con claims for other losses.

How about a years free Gym membership, to compensate for loss of facilities.
Free private medical/dental cover.
Hairdressing, free TV licence, phone calls (they are allowed a certain number of free calls) and of course the regulatory bit of spending money for essentials.

What brain dead muppet thought up this one.
The mind truly boggles.

I read:

1. Gary Barlow spent 50,000 on a jet to bring his Comic Relief Mount Kilimanjaro pals home.

2. The celebs raised 1.5million for Comic Relief.

Hmmm?

Why, as he was on a fund raiser, did Barlow not give the 50,000 to Comic Relief?

And another thing....I reckon it was we, the general public who raised 1.5m and then contributed it to Comic Relief. But this is probably not the right time to discuss the complications of having 'a jolly' and seemingly linking it to charity work.

And will Cheryl Cole and Arsley Cole still be together this time next year? I think not.

Hi ExecLine,

The bigger question is will Gordon Brown and Alistair Darling still be together this time next year.
I think I have a better chance of being propositioned by Angelina Jolie for a night of passionate sex (my make believe world is a wonderful place).
Anyone care to post odds.

Execline,

Whilst not totally disagreeing with what you say, I've climbed Kilimanjaro and it isn't exactly 'a jolly'.

Assuming they really did get to the summit and not just the rim of the volcano (Gilmans Point) - a lot of people I've spoken to over the years who have claimed to summit have actually only got to Gilmans Point and usually only about 30% of climbers actually reach the summit (Uhuru Peak). That last bit from Gilmans to Uhuru is a real killer and doesn't leave you feeling very jolly - 10 paces leaves you gasping for breath and then you stop and rest before attempting another 10 paces, often past people laying on the ground who have given up!

It really is incredible that all of them summitted and a great achievement if true, so credit where its due. Mind you, I didn't have a team of doctors waiting to give injections at every step! And I didn't climb the easiest route as they did, but maybe I'm being a little churlish!!

Ah, just found this from the BBC - says it better than I did:-

http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/A530632

'Pulling yourself up onto Gilman's Point a while later, you will rightfully feel a sense of achievement and euphoria. Reaching here, you have officially climbed Mount Kilimanjaro, and will receive a certificate saying so. It is a perfectly rational thing to take your photographs, shake the guide by the hand and make your way back down the mountain. There is only ice in any other direction, and the water in your bottle has probably already frozen solid; you are unlikely to get another swig out of it until you begin your descent.

However, Gilman's Point is not the summit of Mount Kilimanjaro. Uhuru is only some 300 metres higher up, but it also lies a couple of kilometres around the rim of a crater. It can take up to an hour to reach. This may not sound like much, but the sheer exhaustion you will feel on reaching Gilman's Point will be a strong incentive to discontinue.
'

Just found this which shows 4 at the summit, so I assume the others made it. I take my hat off to them - I'm amazed they all went right to the top.

http://www.comicrelief.com/news

Anyone apart from Alan, visited the site I mentioned on post 7497 yet. It is worth a visit, well it tickled me anyway.

Yup. Thanks for that Greek - I had to take another blood pressure pill, then I clicked on the photo!

I've had a look too Greek, thought it was going to be a spoof site until I saw my photo, looks like I'm going to get a fine and 3 points!

Steve,

If you are unfortunate enough to look like the drivers photo, I will pay your fine in sympathy.
Just post me your full name and address plus bank details and I will transfer the amount asap. Honest.

So you're the one who keeps sending me all those emails wanting my details! :o)

Just thought I'd pop in and say hello ...... and it's good to see the same nutters on here :) It's incredible what has happened to the banks over the last 12 months. You really couldn't make it up. I'm so glad I haven't had any money 'cos I think I would have been shafted many times thinking I was buying at the bottom.
Anyway, the monkey is 3 tomorrow. 3!!! Where the bloody hell did the last 3 years go ?

Blimey! Bosley!! First Jimmy pops in, now you; good to hear from you! Good grief.....3! I'll bet she has you wrapped around her little finger! (obviously it is a bigger little finger now, having been around for 3 years!).

If it wasn't so serious, I'd make a joke about the banks. Oh hang on, they are a joke!