Thought Id start this one going because its rather dead on this board at the moment and I suppose all my usual muckers are either at the Stella tennis event watching Dim Tim (lose again) or at Henly Regatta eating cucumber sandwiches (they wish,...NOT).

Anyway please feel free to just talk to yourself blast away and let it go on any company or subject you wish. Just wish Id thought of this one before.

cheers GF.

Cool down dear boy, cool down. It is only money. Yours and mine!

Saw Trev in Asda today, doing his weekly shoplifting.

Being an inveterate old sod, he had on a filthy old overcoat and a large hat, in a spookily similar shape as a packet of cornflakes.

"Alan, old bean", he shouted holding his hand out to shake and a packet of pork sausages falling to the floor.

Asked how things were he told me it was well and truly on the up, and with luck like his, he would soon be able to afford a proper holiday, not one at her majestys pleasure.

What made him so lucky? He had found that an old cell mate of his , known as Weasel, had got a job as a kitchen porter at Mal Maison, a restaurant so posh it has a salt & pepper menu, and the Maitre d'hotel makes you feel stupid and common.

Weasel had made an offer to Trev. If Trev could see his way clear to looking after a few packages in unmarked boxes for a week or two (y'know, just while the probation officer leaves me alone), then Weasel would let Trev eat in the restraunt and sneak him out through the kitchen prior to the bill arriving.

Knowing that Trev described his accomodation as light, airy and cheap to run, and everyone else described it as a shop doorway, I had to ask what he had done with the packets. Trev tried to tap his nose, and missed. Lets just say that they are also detained at her majestys pleasure, he said.

This left me perplexed, perhaps even confused so I asked for clarification.

Trev had posted them. To himself. In a shop doorway. I asked where he had found the money for the stamps. He grinned so much he exposed both teeth and winked, a sight I will never forget even though I'll try hard. Thats the clever bit, he told me. I'll pay cash on delivery when Weasel wants 'em back, and the packages will be safe with the Royal Mail.

I must say I was mightily impressed with this graduate level thinking from Trev.

Best of all he told me, the packs weren't even dodgy. They just had something plastic in them that Weasel said would be good for bonfire night. Torches he thought. This made me wonder, but that was disturbed as a packet of Asda own brand frozen peas fell from his trouser leg.

"Why own brand, Trev?"2

"Don't be daft, theres a credit crunch on. We should all get cheaper grub. Gotta go, now, Alan. I had a lovely soup at that posh place and I want to make it, but I can't find the main ingredient to nick".
"What was it?"
"Well it tasted like mushroom, but the snobby guy in the tux that served me insisted it was dejour soup, and I can't find a bloody dejour in any supermarket".

Alan, you just have to write that book!!

Most MPs have just taken advantage of their expenses system. How has that made them any different from the majority of the population? Don't forget that company boards make their own rules too. How often have you heard a group from an organisation discussing how to pad out their expenses claim. Some firms encourage it for management as it saves paying tax and national Insurance on the money involved.

The Telegraph's Barclay brothers in Sark?

What have they got to do with price of bread?

Hello Greek -

haven't looked in here for weeks. I see you're doing the C to C - I did it with my wife 5 years ago - a fantastic experience, I'm sure you'll love it.

Are you going west to east, or t'other way?

AN OPEN LETTER TO THE CHANCELLOR OF THE EXCHEQUER


Dear Mr. Darling,

Please find below my suggestion for fixing Britain's economy. Instead of giving billions of pounds to banks that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan :

There are about 20 million people over 50 in the work force. - Pay them 1 million apiece severance for early retirement with the following stipulations:

1) They MUST retire. Twenty million job openings - Unemployment fixed.

2) They MUST buy a new British CAR. Twenty million cars ordered Car Industry fixed.

3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage - Housing Crisis fixed.

4) They must send their kids to school/college/university - Crime rate fixed

5) Buy 50 of alcohol/tobacco a week there's your money back in duty, tax etc

It can't get any easier than that!

P.S. If more money is needed, have all Members of Parliament pay back their falsely claimed expenses and second home allowances.

While stitching up the hand of a 75 year old Devon farmer, who cut it on a gate while working cattle, the rural doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic got around to Gordon Brown and his appointment as Prime Minister.

"Well, you know," drawled the old farmer, "this Brown fellow is what we would call a fencepost tortoise."

Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a fencepost tortoise was.


The old farmer said, "When you're driving along a country road and you come across a fence post with a tortoise balanced on top, that's called a fencepost tortoise."

The old farmer saw a puzzled look on the doctor's face, so he continued to explain,
"You know he didn't get up there by himself, he definitely doesn't belong up there, he doesn't know what to do while he is up there, and you just have to wonder what kind of idiots put him up there in the first place."

since this is the talk to yourself thread i feel unable to reply to others.
so i shall have to just talk to myself i guess. i wonder what kind person or persons might return that tortoise to earth. seems a nice thing to do. perhaps it might then be able to get back to being a tortoise. maybe a hare might be more succesful.seems most think so. i already posted many months ago cycles recurr it dont matter who was or is in government it was due and so it is seems to be happening, yet again, and so it goes on, there is nothing new under the sun.that which has been before etc.etc. we just dont believe or it gets forgotten every third or fourth generation or so.lets remember to tell our grandchildren. maybe they will take it in and believe. she aint sung yet.
jkd

Oblomov and all,

Just got back from the Coast to Coast. Did the west to east direction. We also carried all our camping kit, about 24lb. The weather for the first 6 days was atrocious. Every time we needed to pause for either a rest, refreshment or both it meant sitting on wet ground, in the driving rain. The remaining 7 days was not much of an improvement. We had only 2 days out of the 13 with no rain, and 1 day with rain from about 4pm onward, every other day it rained for most of the day and night. But the scenery was absolutely magic, and we met so many interesting people.
We have many stories to tell, but won't bore you with them, but suffice to say it was an experience (even with the awful weather) and we raise about 300 split between Lupus UK and Dove House Hospice Hull.
Nice to be back to the humour of you all (notice Trev's still active).
Will be back down our local market square Sat wearing my protest (UK MPs are institutionally morally corrupt Democracy is dead T shirt).

Greek - sounds like you enjoyed it. One of the great things about the C to C is the camaradery with other walkers (it is famous for it) - we met (and drank with!) many people over the two weeks and that really makes ita great experience as opposed to the Pennine Way which is just tough with none of the socialising! We managed 7 or 8 days without rain - you were unlucky. You had the worst weather for the toughest part. Also did west to east - we're going back one day to do east to west. Well done on raising the money.

Thanks. As you rightly say, it's the people met that will be remembered just as much as the actual walking.
On Sat and on any day running up to the June elections if I do see any MPs that have been named and shamed (do they know what shame is) I will in a voice that will draw attention, tell them that while my son and myself, were walking for charity, they were bleeding us dry. Corrupt bastards.

Well done, Greek.

Your post stimulated me into finding out a bit more. I found a map for a start, which shows where it is and where the start and finishing points are:



By 'eck! It looks like a long way to walk in the rain!

Well done Greek! Can it be done by car? ;o)

Cheers Bob,

Yes its quite a way. Most sites show it as 190 miles, but it is now believed to be 210 due to the more modern accurate way of measuring (the original system had difficulty with measuring the gradients). Also you tend to do about another 10 miles due to detours to camp (can you still say that) sites.

Steve,

If you can get a car up some of those Lakeland hills, I will drive it down.

Greek.

And talking of cars.....

I see some of my taxes are helping people out there to buy a new foreign car under the scrappage scheme. I say 'foreign', because I don't think we make things in this country any more, do we?

Now surely, if they can afford a new car, why do they need a subsidy from me?

My car is only 1 1/2 years old. I'd like a subsidy to assist me to consider keeping it for another 2-3 years, or maybe even longer as I would be helping our 'balance of payments deficit'

Thinks....Do we still have a B of P D? I am not sure? But surely, it's better we spend our money in this country rather than on expensive imports, isn't it?

Greek,

It's actually considered to be nearer to 230 miles if you include the evening pub crawls!

You're all wrong on the distance.

Speaking as a Yorkshireman, I speak with authority that the walk is traditionally measured in the old northern measurement of "firkins".

The walk is 2 firkin long and 2 firkin steep.

Alan

:o)