Thought Id start this one going because its rather dead on this board at the moment and I suppose all my usual muckers are either at the Stella tennis event watching Dim Tim (lose again) or at Henly Regatta eating cucumber sandwiches (they wish,...NOT).

Anyway please feel free to just talk to yourself blast away and let it go on any company or subject you wish. Just wish Id thought of this one before.

cheers GF.

Man City to make 50m bid for Newcastle United supporters

Premier League billionaires Manchester City have today launched an audacious bid for the entire fan base of recently relegated Newcastle United.

The unexpected move has come as part of Citys plans to be the best supported club in the world, and the so-called Best Supporters In The World have provided a logical starting point.

The move will see each of Newcastle Uniteds 50,000 regulars offered 1,000 to change their allegiances to Manchester City.

Our competitive advantage is our financial position, and we will buy anything and everything we feel will help us improve this football club. Said City boss Mark Hughes.

Securing the Newcastle United fans offers us a great opportunity to improve our position as the best supported club in the league,

They have just the sort of experience were looking for, in that theyve enjoyed fleeting periods of great expectation followed almost immediately by abject failure, which will be useful to us in the next two years.

Unlimited funds

Hughes continued, Well happily pay top dollar for supporters who will blindly follow their team and defend them as the greatest in the world in the face of over-whelming evidence to the contrary.

And in that respect, the Geordies really are second to none.
The Newcastle fans, who will not be subjected to a medical, are expected to have a fully clothed at all times clause inserted into their Man City contracts.

A Newcastle spokesperson said that although the move has come at a bad time for them, the entire fee will be used to rebuild the supporter base into a slimmer, better looking unit which they hope will be the envy of the Championship.

Skinny

I think you would have to have 'Welcome' in every known language as if one is left out no doubt it would leave an opening for prejudice action.

This-is me.

I have been a Newcastle supporter for ages, (well since I read your post), where do I sign.

To get to the top of the queue write to Mark Hughes at Shity, The Wastelands, MiddleEastlands, Far from Old Trafford, Manchester.

You could also offer him a cash and supporters exchange deal, taking all the Bitters (Shity Supporters) to the wilds of the North East.

This-is-me,

I have been on the 'how to spot a scam' course.

I was just about to send you a few quid thinking you had some influence with the Newcastle directors, when I spotted that there should be a space between Middle and Eastlands. I have therefor decided that you are trying to pull a fast one, and the address is false. Better luck next time.

The too clever for you one. Greek.

Another example of our none democratic government.

It will be announced today that motorists who drive to work will have to pay up to 250 per year to park in/on any land owner by their employer.
There are many companies that are drastically trying to cut costs, due to the recession, who will find this charge/tax yet another nail in their business coffin.
My son works for a businesses that is not on a direct transport route. If he was to travel by public transport he would have to catch a bus from our village (we have 3 per day outbound, 4 returning), travel 3 miles to a small market town, catch a second bus, travel 11 miles to the town where he works, then either walk 2 miles or catch a third bus that passes within 1 mile of his workplace. Obviously doing a reverse to get home but walking or taxi for the final 3 miles as our last village bus is at 1620 hrs.

The government is just not getting the fact that to millions of people a car is a necessity, not luxury (or is it that they just don't care).
And just what gives them the right to charge someone to park on land they have no right over.

What next. A tax on parking on your own private property, after all where is the difference.

For many years I believed that when people screamed big brother, meaning not just surveillance, but treading on our freedom of rights, the risk was not that serious. I am now convinced we are fast approaching a more oppressive society that it may be difficult to extract ourselves from.

Democracy in the UK may not be dead, but it is dying.

Time for a march?

Well, for now let's give it just a month or two. My heart is strong and my mind is set but my feet are killing me.

Greekman

I heard about this parking fiasco about 3 months ago. As a landlord of industrial premises who gives free parking to tenants (about 50 cars) this tax will cripple us, as one of our selling points is lots of parking (we are just outside a small town near Brafdord). The alternative for our customers will be to park on the main road (which has no yellow lines) and walk the last few yards to work. This will then block the major road to the nearest town, causing severe congestion. The council will then paint yellow lines on the road, our customers will be unable to park and move elsewhere when their leases expire, within a year or two we will be out of business and on the dole claiming benefits, instead of paying a fortune into the system like we do now.

Well done labour you set of total fcuking winkers

Hi dcb,

My brother lives just outside Nottingham where the first charges are being planned for 2011. Many businesses in that city have already stated that they will move out of the city as this parking charge will be the final straw.
But as I read this morning, several other cities are considering the same scheme.
As this scheme will reap millions for the cities concerned no doubt it will spread UK wide, then of course there will be nowhere to move to avoid the charge.
I also read that all the money received must be spent on Public transport infrastructure, so it will not just become part of the general tax pot, local or national.
Yer, right. I remember they said the same about Vehicle Excise Duty.

It is often said that the powers that be will squeeze till the pips squeak.
Well my pips are squeaking load and clear.

Perhaps what is needed is a bit of French style action.
We should all (if this tax comes in) take to the streets in our vehicles and cause the biggest congestion ever seen.

No wonder more and more people look at work, savings etc and compare that with being looked after by the state from cradle to grave.

Becoming more and more totally p****d off.

Just a thought. I wonder if our honourable (sic) MP's and Civil Servants will have to pay the charge, probably not, but silly me, if they did it would be us paying anyway.

And then there's the teachers who are parking their cars in the school's car parks.

Schools qualify for this, because they are Employers too and have more than the requisite 11 parking places, which are required to be had by the employer to qualify for the tax, and so they are going to get clobbered too.

All the teachers are going to go on the dole too. Stands to reason.

I'm glad they warned me, as I would never have guessed.

My local swimming pool now has hazard warning signs on the pool side telling people that, 'Caution the sides of the pool may be wet and slippery'.

A few of these signs are next to the steps that lead into the water, making the signs themselves a hazard.
Perhaps they should put up another set of signs warning, 'Caution the signs saying the sides of the pool may be wet and slippery are dangerous', Then they could put another set of signs, OK you get the gist!

You have to compromise in life.

eg, If your wife wants a cat and you want a dog, then simple, get two dogs.

On banking and banks:

Here's what Roger did:

Well done Roger! You had to make a statement and you did.

How's it going chaps .. I read of a council swimming pool that no longer allows you to swim lengths ,only widths as it's too dangerous ,they said it may take a lifeguard too long to get to someone in trouble ,,, now call me stupid but i can't work this one out if your doing lengths then your somewhere in the width ,it's been hurting my brain ever since,,,I may sue for mental anguish....

Jimmy B,

Read the same report. Thought it was a wind-up until my local baths stated they were also aware of it. When questioned a council spokesman/woman/person stated, 'that swimming widths would also keep swimmers fitter as they would have to turn round more often'.

As to widths being safer, if the pool is lane'd off into widths, it will mean that some will be in the shallow end continuously whilst others will be continually in the deep end. Presumably those who are in the shallow end will never be out of their depth, unless they are very young or are height restricted (IE small), whilst those in the deep end will always be out of their depth unless they are over 6'6" (in my pool).
Presume the next step will be a height measuring compare figure, similar to those you find at the entrance to fairground rides.

I wonder if it makes any difference if you can swim or not?

I knew there must be a sensible reason.

You could'nt make it up greek ,,, i'm sure that one day the health and safety people will say it's all been one big April fool....

Hmm, don't know about this April Fool thing, surely it can't be politically correct to make someone feel foolish?! :o)

At last Gordon Brown decided to throw the towel in and resign. His cabinet colleagues decided it would be a worthy gesture to name a railway locomotive after him. So a senior 'Sir Humphrey' went from Whitehall to the National Railway Museum at York, to investigate the possibilities.


"They have a number of locomotives at the NRM without names," a specially-sought consultant told the top civil servant. "Mostly freight locomotives though."


"Oh dear, that's not very fitting for a prime minister," said Sir Humphrey. "How about that big green one, over there?" he said, pointing to 4472 Flying Scotsman.


"That's already got a name" said the consultant. "It's called 'Flying Scotsman'."


"Oh. Couldn't it be renamed?" asked Sir Humphrey. "This is a national museum after all, funded by the taxpayer."


"I suppose it might be considered," said the consultant. "After all the LNER renamed a number of their locomotives after directors of the company, and even renamed one of them Dwight D Eisenhower."


"That's excellent", said Sir Humphrey, "So that's settled then...let's look at renaming 4472. But how much will it cost? We can't spend too much, given the expenses scandal!"


"Well", said the consultant, "Why don't we just paint out the 'F'?"

This is me,

I think it's a great idea, as the Flying Scotsman/Lying Scotsman are both full of hot air, make a lot of noise for little effect, as well as being clapped out and unproductive.
An alternative perhaps......We have Thomas the Tank Engine, so how about Gordon the ? ?
Now if our real prime minister Peter Mandelson was a few kilo's heavier he could play the part of the Fat Controller (where is John Prescotts when you need him).
Any idea's for Alistair Darling, Harriet Harman and others.

How about grouse on 12th Aug on a Scottish moor being shot down by the Tory gentry?

And how about paying 12,000 per head per day for the pleasure of it?

Or maybe more perhaps? That was the daily rate told to me by a gamekeeper on a Far East holiday we took some 20 years ago.

Mind you, at those sort of prices, if you aimed sideways instead of straight ahead, you might be shooting at royalty.

MM?