Thought Id start this one going because its rather dead on this board at the moment and I suppose all my usual muckers are either at the Stella tennis event watching Dim Tim (lose again) or at Henly Regatta eating cucumber sandwiches (they wish,...NOT).

Anyway please feel free to just talk to yourself blast away and let it go on any company or subject you wish. Just wish Id thought of this one before.

cheers GF.

This is me,

Going through the usual boredam of waiting for a flight. Your last 2 posts gave me a welcome laugh.
Must though point out an inacuracy in your Cat post.
The 40 second statement is way off, it took this old fart easily twice that.

Greek.

Sorry , but i resisted passing it on ............. or did i ?

Parvinder and Habib are beggars




Habib panhandles just as long as Parvinder ... but only collects 2 to 3 pounds every day.




Parvinder brings home a suitcase FULL of 20 notes, drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage-free house and has a lot of money to spend.







Habib says to Parvinder "I work just as long and hard as you do .... but how do you bring home a suitcase full of 20 notes every day?"




Parvinder says, "Look at your sign, what does it say?"




Habib's sign reads, "I have no work, a wife and 6 kids to support."




Parvinder says "No wonder you only get 2-3"




Habib says to Parvinder "So what does your sign say?"




Parvinder shows Habib his sign:




It reads, "I only need another 20 to move back to Pakistan."

An utterly brilliant performance from Katherine Jenkins & Spellbound performing "Bring Me To Life" at the recent 'Help For Heroes' concert:



Lyrics:

How can you see into my eyes like open doors
leading you down into my core
where Ive become so numb
without a soul
my spirit sleeping somewhere cold
until you find it there and lead it back home

Wake me up inside
Wake me up inside
call my name and save me from the dark
bid my blood to run
before I come undone
save me from the nothing Ive become

now that I know what Im without
you cant just leave me
breathe into me and make me real
bring me to life

Wake me up inside
Wake me up inside
call my name and save me from the dark
bid my blood to run
before I come undone
save me from the nothing Ive become

Bring me to life

frozen inside without your touch
without your love darling
only you are the life among the dead

bid my blood to run
before I come undone
save me from the nothing Ive become

Bring me to life

Even better watching it live :-)

.

Agreed mnamreh, this version lacks the heavy rock guitar - but it is a great spectacle.

And what about Robbie Williams thumps up or down [ or if you bat for the other side bums ] bat 4 the other side, that sounds so English

.

A man in a London Tesco tries to buy half a cauliflower. The very young produce assistant tells him that they sell only whole cauliflowers. The man persists and asks to see the manager. The boy says he'll ask his manager about it.

Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager 'Some prat out there wants to buy half a cauliflower.'
As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, 'And this gentleman has kindly offered to buy the other half.'
The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way.

Later the manager said to the boy, 'I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from, son?'

' Liverpool , sir,' the boy replied.

'Well, why did you leave Liverpool ?' the manager asked.

The boy said, 'Sir, there's nothing but whores and footballers up there.'

'Really?' said the manager. 'My wife is from Liverpool .'

'You're kidding?' replied the boy. 'Who did she play for?'

I've worked out the difference between the Catholic and the Anglican churches ...
the latter you go straight to the cash desk but with the former you pick up a basket or a trolley first before heading for the cashier....
and with the Jewish church (Synagogue)....you make sure there is a washroom and a window with a direct access to the carpark....

Anybody having trouble logging in to barclays stockbrokers ?

We all know some of the ridiculous ways the police work nowadays, but I have to have my say on this one (I often bite my tongue when I see all the stupid ideas floating around as they make me so mad).
Saw on Antiques Roadshow Sunday a Police helmet with a darkened badge, it was a night helmet, designed so that any street lights could not reflect from the dull surface.
To my dismay, these went out years ago.

Then in about 1998 an order came out to most Police Forces that we were to wear florescent jackets when on general patrol in order to make ourselves more visible to the public (and villains of course). I 'stupid' that I am, thought that this was a ridiculous idea, but obeyed the order anyway, until our first night shift, when on being told the rule also applied at night thought it was an error in the orders , instructed my unit to patrol in our normal dark uniforms, without the florescent jacket.

Although I as warned by several bosses, we managed to get away with this for several weeks by wearing the jackets till we got well away from the station and bosses.
With most higher ranking officers either going home and the few left not leaving the station, it was not difficult.
We were the only unit of of our group (I did not have figures for other groups) whose arrest figures for crime did not go down.
After a few weeks of nights, word got round and I was threatened with disciplinary action, so my unit started to comply with the order. Guess what, yes our arrest rate for crime went south. I spoke to several of our local criminals who told me that they thought the jackets were great with comments such as 'We can see you coming miles away' and 'What wally thought up that idea'.
My thought was we may as well have a day glow uniform with a flashing light attached.
If you are out at night, you still see many officers wearing these bright yellow jackets, even in the hours between midnight and dawn.
Mind you, whoever thought up the idea is probably now a Chief Constable somewhere.

Can anyone out there see any benefit, because I can't.

Hi Greek, this logic usually applies to your usual office waller from the rank of Inspector or above. They no doubt would point out that part of the definition of a Constable that states the prevention and detection of crime to justify it, in other words by being seen you are preventing crime, which is true to a certain extent. The reality of course when trying to catch a serial burglar is somewhat different, for some strange reason never met one of these walking down the road in a stripey jersey carrying a bag with 'swag' written on it.

Agreed Chris,

The main problem is with so called high visibility policing, is that all it does is move crime on or/and the villains just wait till you have turned a corner.
A bit like burglar alarms. OK if everyone had one, but if you have an alarm and your neighbor doesn't, all that does is push up the percentage of the likelihood of your neighbor getting burgled.
Same with so called purges in an area. You concentrate in one area, the villains just move to a neighboring one. You move across, they move back.
Crime stays the same, it's the offenses that tend to change

" You move across, they move back " You could also be talking about the Taliban.

Smile for the day

A guy is driving through Whitianga and he sees a sign in front of a bach on the beach: 'Talking Dog For Sale ' He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.
'You talk?' he asks.

'Yep,' the Lab replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So, what's your story?'
The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the Security Service. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.'
'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.' 'I got married, had a mass of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

'Ten dollars,' the guy says.

'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'


'Because he's a liar. He never did any of that shit.

greekman

Have you seen Amir Khan's next opponent in action on you tube ? his a very hard puncher. think his name is Medina .

His name is actually Marcos Maidana - and you're damn right about how hard he can punch!

Apparently quite hard !