Thought Id start this one going because its rather dead on this board at the moment and I suppose all my usual muckers are either at the Stella tennis event watching Dim Tim (lose again) or at Henly Regatta eating cucumber sandwiches (they wish,...NOT).

Anyway please feel free to just talk to yourself blast away and let it go on any company or subject you wish. Just wish Id thought of this one before.

cheers GF.

A man in a London Tesco tries to buy half a cauliflower. The very young produce assistant tells him that they sell only whole cauliflowers. The man persists and asks to see the manager. The boy says he'll ask his manager about it.

Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager 'Some prat out there wants to buy half a cauliflower.'
As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, 'And this gentleman has kindly offered to buy the other half.'
The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way.

Later the manager said to the boy, 'I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from, son?'

' Liverpool , sir,' the boy replied.

'Well, why did you leave Liverpool ?' the manager asked.

The boy said, 'Sir, there's nothing but whores and footballers up there.'

'Really?' said the manager. 'My wife is from Liverpool .'

'You're kidding?' replied the boy. 'Who did she play for?'

I've worked out the difference between the Catholic and the Anglican churches ...
the latter you go straight to the cash desk but with the former you pick up a basket or a trolley first before heading for the cashier....
and with the Jewish church (Synagogue)....you make sure there is a washroom and a window with a direct access to the carpark....

Anybody having trouble logging in to barclays stockbrokers ?

We all know some of the ridiculous ways the police work nowadays, but I have to have my say on this one (I often bite my tongue when I see all the stupid ideas floating around as they make me so mad).
Saw on Antiques Roadshow Sunday a Police helmet with a darkened badge, it was a night helmet, designed so that any street lights could not reflect from the dull surface.
To my dismay, these went out years ago.

Then in about 1998 an order came out to most Police Forces that we were to wear florescent jackets when on general patrol in order to make ourselves more visible to the public (and villains of course). I 'stupid' that I am, thought that this was a ridiculous idea, but obeyed the order anyway, until our first night shift, when on being told the rule also applied at night thought it was an error in the orders , instructed my unit to patrol in our normal dark uniforms, without the florescent jacket.

Although I as warned by several bosses, we managed to get away with this for several weeks by wearing the jackets till we got well away from the station and bosses.
With most higher ranking officers either going home and the few left not leaving the station, it was not difficult.
We were the only unit of of our group (I did not have figures for other groups) whose arrest figures for crime did not go down.
After a few weeks of nights, word got round and I was threatened with disciplinary action, so my unit started to comply with the order. Guess what, yes our arrest rate for crime went south. I spoke to several of our local criminals who told me that they thought the jackets were great with comments such as 'We can see you coming miles away' and 'What wally thought up that idea'.
My thought was we may as well have a day glow uniform with a flashing light attached.
If you are out at night, you still see many officers wearing these bright yellow jackets, even in the hours between midnight and dawn.
Mind you, whoever thought up the idea is probably now a Chief Constable somewhere.

Can anyone out there see any benefit, because I can't.

Hi Greek, this logic usually applies to your usual office waller from the rank of Inspector or above. They no doubt would point out that part of the definition of a Constable that states the prevention and detection of crime to justify it, in other words by being seen you are preventing crime, which is true to a certain extent. The reality of course when trying to catch a serial burglar is somewhat different, for some strange reason never met one of these walking down the road in a stripey jersey carrying a bag with 'swag' written on it.

Agreed Chris,

The main problem is with so called high visibility policing, is that all it does is move crime on or/and the villains just wait till you have turned a corner.
A bit like burglar alarms. OK if everyone had one, but if you have an alarm and your neighbor doesn't, all that does is push up the percentage of the likelihood of your neighbor getting burgled.
Same with so called purges in an area. You concentrate in one area, the villains just move to a neighboring one. You move across, they move back.
Crime stays the same, it's the offenses that tend to change

" You move across, they move back " You could also be talking about the Taliban.

Smile for the day

A guy is driving through Whitianga and he sees a sign in front of a bach on the beach: 'Talking Dog For Sale ' He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.
'You talk?' he asks.

'Yep,' the Lab replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So, what's your story?'
The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the Security Service. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.'
'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.' 'I got married, had a mass of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

'Ten dollars,' the guy says.

'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'


'Because he's a liar. He never did any of that shit.

greekman

Have you seen Amir Khan's next opponent in action on you tube ? his a very hard puncher. think his name is Medina .

His name is actually Marcos Maidana - and you're damn right about how hard he can punch!

Apparently quite hard !

Hic!

This could be one of the fights of the decade, if Amir Khan can do what he is now very good at, 'hitting behind a tight defense. The thing is Marcos Maidana looks to punch well above his weight and if Amir drops his guard just once to how he used to in his earlier days, something which he is still prone to do, that will be it.
I have watched a few of Maidanas fights on YouTube (I don't have sky so a bit stuck watching his fights live) and the only slight weakness I can spot is on the very few times he has been forced back, he has been a bit vulnerable, being a tad slow to cover up.
If Amir can keep tight it may go his way, he throws more flurries of punches than Marcos when he gets an opening and he is faster, so I think it could go either way.
Will be a close call in by book who wins but many are looking at an early KO by Marcos or a points win by Amir. Me I think it will be an early KO by Marcos or a KO in the middle rounds or TKO in the later rounds by Amir. I just can't see Amir keeping Marcos at bay for a full fight distance.
Both boxers will have a hell of a fight on their hands.
I don't think Marcos has fought anyone as fast as Amir, and Amir has definitely never fought anyone with a punch like Marcos.
Don't usually sit on the fence, but with this one!

greekman

i think you summed it up about right , they say that he just punches though any defence, Amir's critic's must give him credit for taking this fight he's taking a big risk.

He's getting knocked out at some point as there are too many good light welters around and as for talking about a match with Mayweather ,dream on ,you can't train yourself to have a good chin and he hasn't got one ,look at the super featherweights who knocked him over when he was on his way up .
Being out in LA with Freddie Roach has done him the world of good in every way they have tightened up his defense,toughened him up and he is living as a pro fighter should but as i said they can't give him a world class chin..

very true

aldwickk ,the Labour party are finished (for now) so it wont matter.

Edit THANK GOD !!!!!!!!!

maybe she should stay just to remind those tosser's who voted Labour what a mistake they made once again, now they have left us with the con/dem's and saint vincent

fighting on a 27/1 stat is impressive indeed . This guy is the real deal .One of the best pound for pound fighters ive ever seen. Dynamite indeed. have watched a number of marcos maidana fights on sky and American cable tv .and am wagering rather heavily on his sheer power to totally overwhelm khan.Has the punch of a middleweight rather than a LW. For all his speed khan has never fought a puncher like this man / and MM has the stamina to throw flurrys and lethal combos all the way throughout a fight ........khans defence is dubious and he will get one on the chin early in the fight and go down like a sack of tatties .......

A year or two ago, Mayweather v Amir or Marcos, I would go for Mayweather, but he is now 33 and 5 of his last 6 fights have gone the distance although he won unanimous decisions, the other being a TKO.
So is he slowing down a bit? Could he keep Marcos away for 12 rounds (Not sure)?
Could he handle Amir's speed (probably), but remember Amir is getting stronger and more powerful?
To me Mayweather is the ideal fighter, fast, hard hitting and durable, a joy to watch, but like all great fighters especially the lower weights, the enemy that usually beats them is age.