Thought Id start this one going because its rather dead on this board at the moment and I suppose all my usual muckers are either at the Stella tennis event watching Dim Tim (lose again) or at Henly Regatta eating cucumber sandwiches (they wish,...NOT).

Anyway please feel free to just talk to yourself blast away and let it go on any company or subject you wish. Just wish Id thought of this one before.

cheers GF.

NEWS FLASH by Text Message.

It is reported that all asylum seekers, illegal immigrants and foreign nationals spunging off the government have decided to go home. A spokesman said all money will be paid back to the government, houses given back to local councils and stolen property returned. The spokesman also apologised for the behaviour of the minority and assured the press this will never happen again in Great Britian.











Carlsberg don't send text messages, but if they did, they'd probally be the best text messages in the world!!

ingenuity at its best ;))

You should get out more, Bos.

Although I thought the office stamps advertised on the same page were hilarious - something to remember at Christmas if I get stuck for a gift for my brother.

"Alternative" office stamps

soultraders, taking your advice and going out into manchester tonight for a right good piss-up :))

"a good piss-up"
Is there such a thing as a bad piss-up????

lovely to be able to sit outside all night drinking and letching. why oh why, sambucca ????
alan, i think there is such a thing as a bad piss-up. i've had a few , but then again, too few to mention. i did what i had to do and saw it through without exemption. i've loved, i've laughed and cried. i've had my fill, my share of losing. and now, as tears subside, i find it all so amusing.

I Think i can probably rattle up a tune to that, Bos!!
We had one of those wonderful cricket matches yeaterday, that reminds me of why i love the sport so much.
We batted first (very badly) and then after tea we started to field. Not for long though as the thunder started big style and the umpire took us off. Unfortunately this meant that 25 blokes had to spend several hours in the bar awaiting instructions as to whether play could resume. it couldn't, so several more hours were passed in the company of Joshua Tetley and his friend jim beam.
Marvellous sport, cricket.

for what is a man, what has he got? if not himself, then he has naught. to say the things he truly feels and not the words of one who kneels. the record shows i took the blows .........and........ they bloody hurt!!!!
alan, i was with mr peroni, mr kronenberg, big ron bacardi, and the boss of all bosses, don sambucca. strangely, i feel perfectly fine.

I must have fallen out with Mr tetley and Mr Beam, because I feel like they mugged me in the car park, and gave me a going over. its the only thing I can think of to account for my memory loss and thumping great headache.
normally such amiable chaps,as well.
I put it to you, sir, that if you are capable of tangling with such fine sportsmen as big Ron and Don Sambuca, there is a place for you in our cricket team. Sometimes the captain bleats about attracting people who have a talent with bat and ball, but this is seen as a secondary qualification by the rest of us.
there is definitely a place in the squad for anyone who can demonstrate the ability to down the equivilent of the output of the Smirnoff factory, sing "My Way" and finish by doing a handstand while whistling "The Song of Solomon" up his trouser leg.
Those whose qualifications are merely bare foot hedgehog juggling should not apply. We've got loads of them.
A distinct bonus would be anyone who can compete in the league ear-wrestling championships, where strong men lock ear to ear, over a table and try to force each others face down into a bowl of live crabs, drawing pins and lit candles, as this is the usual method for deciding the result of a rained off match.
Your CV should be sent to;
The Matron
Rothwell Cricket Club Home for the Dangerously Bewildered,
Leeds
With a recent photo of you staggering down the road drunk, without trousers but wearing a traffic cone on your head at a jaunty angle.

what a gorgeous day !!! off work this week so i'm hoping it's going to be like this all week !!



see you at the next meeting, alan ;)

Afternoon, all.

Bosley, delighted you've been able to let your hair down and get a whole week off to recover. I gather it's as hot in the UK as it is here in Germany (i.e. about 35 C), so I hope you are enjoying your break.

I had the most surreal moment of my life at the weekend - giving my ex-girlfriend a relaxing foot massage when suddenly "The Final Countdown" started playing on the radio. So we sang along and headbanged too. Maybe it's me who is now in need of getting out more, but we thought it was hilarious at the time.

soultraders, "Maybe it's me who is now in need of getting out more", i think so too !!!

Surreal??
How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Answer; A Fish

Cheers Bos! :o)

Although actually I thought the foot massage was well worth staying in for :o))

just emptied me shed before i kick it down. i never knew you could fit so much into a little shed!!!! now where am i going to put it all? anyone need a 1930's axe, scythe and some other lethal looking objects of torture that i've found? starting to wonder just what the previous occupants got up to ...... i mean , there's a very worrying slab of concrete down the bottom of the garden with a date inscribed into it .......

I love wrecking sheds, Bos -wish I could help! Have fun!

Afternoon all,
After trawling the other threads on this site I seem to keep comming back to this one, could it be the ever changing topics, the varied and informative comments, the knowledge imparted or the high reguard I have for the writers?

To be honest I think it because I can write irrelevant paragraphs and know Ill get equally irrelevant answers that make me giggle away the working day.

The Standard leads with the rise in drink driving convictions in London, which it claims, is up to 50 a day. I like a drink like the next bloke but I dont drink and drive,(generally I cant focus enough after drinking) clearly the threat of losing your licence is not enough. Any suggestions?

Some one in Leeds once proposed ensuring all pubs have no car park and making the streets around them permit holder parking zones, to force people not to drive. I don't think that would work because most people drink and drive after visiting a friends party or BBQ.
The speed cameras could be replaced by gas detectors for the following whiff of fart from the car of a drunken driver (I know what theakstons Old Peculiar does to me and i'm sure i'm not on my own).
What about a new stricter alcohol level test?
Give the driver a donner kebab. if he can eat it - he must have had too much to drink.
Alan