Thought Id start this one going because its rather dead on this board at the moment and I suppose all my usual muckers are either at the Stella tennis event watching Dim Tim (lose again) or at Henly Regatta eating cucumber sandwiches (they wish,...NOT).

Anyway please feel free to just talk to yourself blast away and let it go on any company or subject you wish. Just wish Id thought of this one before.

cheers GF.

:)

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some classic comedy from a master of "tellin' 'em" :D

Little Johnny is staying over at his grandmother's house. He's downstairs eating some icecream when he hears his grandmother calling for him to come upstairs. Up he goes into the bedroom where he finds his grandma bent over.

"Johnny, I need you to do me a favour and help me put this suppository in. "

She hands little Johnny the pill. Johnny has a look.

" Grandma, do you want me to shove it into the brown hole or should I put it in the turkey's mouth? "

Todays news states that the RAF have lost a dummy bomb. They have no idea whether they lost it from the tornado jet it was attached to (with a bit of blue tack) over the sea or land, or even which country it may have fallen on. I assume from this it was a training exercise being run by the USAF, as it is an improvement over there attempts which cannot be certain which continent they drop real bombs on.
The bomb is 2 and a half feet long and made from concrete, painted blue. An RAF spokesman said it was not a danger to the public, so volunteers please to have this dropped on their head from 20000 feet to prove the spokesman right.
Once again, I really wish I were making the news up, I really do. It wouldn't be nearly as funny, but it would be a lot less scary.
I'm off back to live on planet Alan, where things actually make sense.

50 years since the "Sputnik" was launched.... How big a moment was that!!

A friend of mine in Zimbabwe has told me of a terrible accident he saw yesterday.
A car driven by a black Zimbabwean, was driven straight at a white couple and their child, at high speed. The woman was crushed into the bonnet, the man smashed through the windscreen and the child was catapulted 50 feet through the air.
The police were very efficient though and have charged the woman with criminal damage, the man with breaking and entering and the child with leaving the scene of an accident.
Robert Mugabe is very upset about the incident, apparantly and has launched an immediate investigation into how three white people were in his country.

i'll be there on sunday, stinking of hawaian tropic, a cold moretti in one hand and a philip morris in the other :))) ah ..... heaven.

Florida Law Enforcement
It's good hearing about top quality police work. Florida got it right. Bravo for Sheriff Grady Judd!!!
As reported earlier this week, some dirt-bag who got pulled over in a routine traffic stop in Florida ended up 'executing' the deputy who stopped him. The deputy was shot eight times including once behind his right ear at close range. Another deputy was wounded and a police dog killed.
A statewide manhunt ensued. The low-life was found hiding in a wooded area with his gun. SWAT team officers fired and hit the guy 68 times.
Now here's the kicker:

Naturally, the media asked why they shot him 68 times.

Polk County Sheriff Grady Judd told the Orlando Sentinel, 'That's all the bullets we had.'

AIM Shares.

I presume (although I cant find confirmation) that the removal of the Taper Tax Relief from shares puts shares on the AIM in the same bracket as on the main markets when it comes to CGT.
If so, one of the main reasons why many punters buy/sell AIM shares has been removed at a stroke, although presumably they still don't count regarding IHT, but do they.
As with all things put out by this spin laden, immoral government, there is always devil in the detail.
Any comments?

Annoying Advert on Stockwatch,

I have sent an E-Mail to Moneyam re the above and received the usual prompt reply, although they state, "Unfortunately, there is no way to disable this I am afraid. We will however be slowing the animation down in due course.

We do try to balance the needs of our customers against the needs of our advertisers, and I apologies for any inconvenience this may cause".

I was considering upgrading to Terminal, but am now reconsidering.
Anyone out there on terminal, who can tell me if the ad shows on there.

Thought this thread was more appropriate than the bugs/problem thread.

just move the page across so you cannot see the thing

Hi Maddoctor,

Thanks, I've now done that. Did not think about it till someone else suggested it, just before you. (I'm to computers what Pavarotti was to ballet dancing).
Still find it annoying, probably my age. My son says I'm in the grumpy old man era, but there again I always have been.

I've adjusted my page now, too - couldn't figure out how to do it this morning, when I complained on the Bugs/Enhancements thread (and my tech-support son has abandoned us for uni).

The Terminal doesn't show all the columns - at least not the way mine are set up - so you can go ahead and upgrade Greekman.

Toya,

Thanks for that. Will consider giving it a try.

Re my post of 1454 yesterday.
According to the Daily Telegraph, members of the LSE are to have a meeting with Alistair Darling re the change to CGT and AIM shares.
In the proposals, AIM shares will be on a par with the main market regarding CGT.
Also the advantage of holding such shares re IHT have been diminished due to the increase in IHT allowances.
So if they become on a par, will they be allowed in an ISA (probably wont be considered as that would be a good thing).
If the proposed rules are not changed, resulting in the above, I can see many leaving the AIM and investing in the main markets instead.
Of course those looking for a blue sky or bust share will still find favor investing in AIM shares.
As my previous post said, "there is always devil in the detail", with more of the detail emerging.
But for a change we now know who that devil is, Gordon Brown.

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and
was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde.

The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license.

She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.

"What does it look like?" she finally asked.

The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."

The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and
handed it to the policewoman.

"Here it is," she said.

The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "Okay,
you can go.

I didn't realize you were a cop
-----------------------------

I love that.

Don't even think about using spell check!!!!!!!!
fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too. Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can.
i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be
in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!

Well no one seems interested here at the moment, i bet i get a response though with this ,,what a lovely soft tail it has .

I wouldnt mind riding that round the block, the bikes not bad either

Just read this in a book by that most talented of wordsmiths - Bill Bryson.
I came over all misty eyed and nostalgic, but full of patriotism and I make no apology for it. It made my day so much I have reproduced it below. Bill Brysons final thoughts before leaving to return to his American roots;

Suddenly, in the space of a moment, I realized what it was that I loved about Britain - which is to say, all of it. Every last bit of it, good and bad - Marmite, village fetes, country lanes, people saying "mustn't grumble" and "I'm terribly sorry but", people apologizing to me when I conk them with a careless elbow, milk in bottles, beans on toast, haymaking in June, stinging nettles, seaside piers, Ordnance survey maps, crumpets, hot water bottles as a neccesity, drizzly Sundays - every bit of it.
What a wonderous place this was - crazy as f**k, of course, but adorasble to the tiniest degree. What other country, after all, could possibly have come up withplace names like Tooting Bec and Farleigh Wallop, or a game like cricket that goes on for 3 days and never seems to start? Who else would think it not the least odd to make their judges wear little mops on their heads, compel the Lord Chancellor to sit on something called the woolsack, or take pride in a naval hero whose dying wish was to be kissed by a fellow named Hardy? (Please, Hardy, full on the lips, with just a bit of tongue.) What other nation in the world could have given us William Shakespeare, pork pies, Christopher Wren, Windsor Great Park, the Open University, Gardners Question Time, and the chocolate digestive biscuit? None, of course.
How easily we lose sight of all this. What an enigma britain will seem to historians when they look back on the second half of the twentieth century. here is a country that fought and won a noble war, dismantled a mighty empire in a generally benign and enlightened way, created a far-seeing welfare state - in short, did nearly everything right - and then spent the rest of the century looking on itself as a chronic failure. The fact is that this is still the best place in the world for most things - to post a letter, go for a walk, watch television, buy a book, venture out for a drink, go to a museum, use the bank, get lost, seek help or stand on a hillside and take in the view.

A bit long, but it is sad that it takes a yank to restore a little of my national pride.

Fully agree with the above, BUT it does pain me to see that little bits are being eaten away almost daily. Don't want to go over old ground re this so will only put the one obvious note. Our beautiful island is vastly overcrowded. We have no more room. If we don't want to see more erosion of the above, we must say enough is enough, no matter what race or creed.

Q. By crumpet, does the writer mean the bird on the bike?
If the reply is, NO it's the sort you spread butter and jam on and then lick it off, I had better make no further comment.