Thought Id start this one going because its rather dead on this board at the moment and I suppose all my usual muckers are either at the Stella tennis event watching Dim Tim (lose again) or at Henly Regatta eating cucumber sandwiches (they wish,...NOT).

Anyway please feel free to just talk to yourself blast away and let it go on any company or subject you wish. Just wish Id thought of this one before.

cheers GF.

Also had a reply from David Cameron, and one from the LibDems, but th signature on that one cannot be made out, though it does say party leader. I checked with LibDem house and they said they were not sure who the leader was today but were having a meeting to try and find out;

Tories are saying they don't understand the question, but it must be a stealth tax as they haven't thought up another name to slander it by, and their way would be better, please vote for us.
LibDems are saying both other ways are right and both are wrong, and they will work with any party that is in power to put it right by taxing milk bottles or something, providing they can have one of those little red boxes and a ministerial Jag to share.

Last one, promise..............

I've just had a note slipped under my door, made up of cut out newspaper print, saying that for 6000 in easily negotiated, used currency in a brown envelope left in the gents at Kings Cross, there are over 500 MP's willing to answer my questions. The rest are on holiday.
Alternatively, a 0%, dateless, 20 year loan of 12million to labour party funds gets me any change to the tax law I want and free sausage rolls at the Buck house garden parties, plus lifetime membership of the cronies club and a crummy title.
Tempting......................

No, no ............. don't stop Alan, I'm short of bedtime reading material at the moment; my missus has confiscated my Playboy mags.

Gotta stop, Kim.
I'm using up all the material for a wee book I'm being persuaded to write.
Perhaps available later this year, if i can persuade anyone to print the damn thing.................

Oh well, if that's the case.........erm, have you got a Playboy mag I could borrow then??

OK, I did ask for other views and as I did not state 'sensible' I admit I did leave myself open. Still not much bothered now as I have had a job offer. I have just contacted an MP (who because of privacy rules will obviously remain nameless) who I traced via a family tree search as a very distant 5th cousin via a 3rd aunt, who had a incestuous relationship with my uncle Mary who after a sex change became a practicing solicitor (we don't mention him/her in general conversation since he/she became a solicitor).
This MP has offered me a huge salary (as we are related) to work from home conducting research for 10 minutes a week, with double time if the 10 mins falls at the weekend. When I asked what I was to research, he told me I could research whatever I liked as if I was asked at a later date, I could say it was confidential.
I thought I better check if this was within the rules so I contacted Gorbals Mike, you know that working class bloke that lives the life of Riley (can you do that if your Scottish) and who spends our money like water. He said it would be totally against all rules both legal and moral, but if I came round and did some decorating at his pad and kept quite about it, he could fix it. I would be paid cash in hand and some sort of papers would need signing.
He also asked if I had ever been involved in fraud and/or money laundering, or if I knew anyone who had (presumable he was not counting members of parliament). When I informed him that I had never been associated with such persons, he said it was a pity as he was looking at improving the government system of hiding such matter from the public as they were now aware of the current fiddles.
I was so affronted by this I informed him I would report the conversation to the Commons Standards Committee and to the FSA.
Never heard anyone laugh so much. If you watch PMQT on Wed I put money on it that he will still be smirking, as he always does.

But seriously, I bet all these fiddling, corrupt b*****ds when they get together think it's one big joke.

I am wondering how it is, that I can trust our MPs to run the country but definitely not trust them to claim their expenses honestly. It's an oxymoron for sure.

And then I thought a whole pile of them are simply going to get kicked out at the next election. Accordingly, someone somewhere on the Internet, will be making a list of who they are so that the voters can be kept informed.

The hunt is on! Does anyone know where it is?

Hi ExecLine,

I think it will be the Tax Payer Alliance. Been a member for about a year now. Its free to sign up and well worth a read. As you will see they have quite a loud voice. It was from this organization that the official complaint came re Gorbals Mike.

http://www.taxpayersalliance.com/

Formula One teams and manufacturers are questioning whether Max Mosley can stay on as FIA president following a sex scandal.

Toyota, Honda, BMW and Mercedes-Benz all issued statements Thursday expressing disappointment over Mosley's behavior, but stopped short of calling for his resignation.

"Toyota Motorsport does not approve of any behavior which could be seen to damage Formula One's image, in particular any behavior which could be understood to be racist or anti-Semitic," the Japanese car maker said. "When all the facts are known, it will be for the FIA to decide whether Mr. Mosley has met the moral obligations which come with the position of FIA President."

More on this at HERE

The News of the World, reported Sunday that Mosley participated in sex acts with five prostitutes in a scenario that is believed to involve Nazi role-playing.

The newspaper had the video on their web site but it has since been taken down. It can however, be seen at 'Guess where? Correct!' on YouTube at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e32-sp2yZOw

Mosley doesn't appear to be our Lewis Hamilton's best friend either, and has in fact done the McLaren team down IMHO. I do hope the scum bag goes.

Well well ,what was he thinking ,what a crazy thing to do,,being left in a room with five prostitutes ,,i could have thought up a much better scenario than being whipped and abused.

i'm still wondering just what he did that was so wrong ?

Surely, as head of Pornula 1, he can do what he likes?

As he is involved with motor racing does that make him a racist?

Can't put this on the Joke thread as now no access.
Pinched (with permission) from another site.

Dont get me started on politicians...damn, you just did
Subject: Prize Winner

Trevor the farmer was in the fertilised egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called 'pullets' and eight or ten roosters, whose job was to fertilise the eggs. The farmer kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced.

That took an awful lot of his time so he bought a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone so Trevor could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells.

The farmer's favourite rooster was old Gordon, and a very fine specimen he was too. But on this particular morning Trevor noticed old Gordon's bell hadn't rung at all! Trevor went to investigate. The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover. But to farmer Trevor's amazement, Gordon had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.

Trevor was so proud of Gordon, he entered him in the West Berks County Fair and Gordon became an overnight sensation among the judges.

The result:
The judges not only awarded Gordon the No Bell Piece Prize but they also awarded him the Pullet surprise as well.

Clearly Gordon was a politician in the making: Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention.

Do you know a Pullitician called Gordon?

The high horse is back, and I am mounting it and galloping off to utopia, a place where health and safety, and vicars are banned for being as limp as wet lettuce,as interesting as mould and as relevant as scub diving gear in a desert.
Today I read, though cannot believe, that the Birdman of Bognor contest is not being held due to health and safety concerns. I thoroughly expect the health and saety executive to introduce proposals that we all sit alone and very quiet in a well lit cellar somewhere, not moving around too much.
Following the Eduardo injury I expect them to review football and insist that it is either banned, or rules introduced to ensure players cannot get with 5 metres of each other. They will prefer it though, on the whole, if we abandon football as a national sport and instead take up maypole dancing, with easy snap ropes in case anyone gets caught up in them.
Get out, meet girls and get a life. Try bungee jumping. I will tie the knot.
The Bishop of Southwark banned the hymn Jerusalem from a service. He did this due to its lack of religious content.
The hymn that includes the holy lamb of God, the divine countenance and the idea of building a holy empire lacks religious content, apparantly.
I conclude that either the very reverand Colin got the job accidently while applying to be a bus driver, or he is being less than truthful. Could it be that the second verse of my favourite hymn is politically unacceptable to him? The bit that encourages us to use swords/spears/bows to build a new Jerusalem might upset a few non christians?
Can I remind him that other religions have messages saying that my ribs are an excellent place to test how sharp their swords are, and I have never complained, and it is unlikely that Mullah Omar will ban those passages from his teachings.
So please, Bishop, don't use your religion as a pawn, obey your Queen and stop trying to be a Grand Master. Leave our culture alone.

A mate of mine from up north has just phoned to tell us about his holiday in Goa early last year.

Whilst there, they had a full health check - 50. Cheap, eh?

It turned out he had a 9cm aneurism (a thing which is a bit like a balloon) on his aorta (the bath pipe diameter blood vessel that runs from the heart) sited just below the level of his kidney.

Result? First class flights home with a doctor to accompany them. They had originally flown from M/Cr but this was to H/Row, then H/Row to M/Cr and a taxi home - with the doctor on tow all the way. Straight into hospital and an op'.

They could have done the op' in Goa but he wasn't insured for this. If the aneurism had have popped then he would have been but it didn't and so he wasn't. Perhaps if it had have popped, then he'd be dead!

Apparently, Goa holidays are famous for these Health Check 'MOTs'.

Hmmm? 50 eh? Was that for the two of them or each? I'll have to ring him back and ask.

Heres some info from the Apollo Victor Hospital, Goa, on their health checks.

One thing worries me about this. Why does the doctor, 3rd down on the left, need to wear a hard hat?

There are full health cheack and full health checks. This one looks too full to me!


http://www.medicalindiatourism.com/apollo-hospitals-india/Master_Healthcheck_Program-I.pdf

Perhaps a bit OTT but it beats ASBO's.

Taken from The Daily Telegraph, by Sebastien Berger reporting from Johannesburg,

South Africa's deputy security minister has told police how to tackle rampant crime in their cities where, on average 50 persons are murdered every day.
Susan Shabangu told a police forum that they had failed to tackle crime and have the governments permission to kill these criminals.
She goes on to say,"I won't tolerate any pathetic excuses for you not being able to deal with crime. Kill the bastards and do not worry about regulations. You have been given guns, now use them . I want no warning shots. You have one shot and it must be a kill shot".

If only our governing body would take note. Beats hugging a hoody!

Edited as double post due to MoneyAm site being very slow.

Oh, and in with the 50, you get two sandwiches and a cup of tea.

So that's nice.