Thought Id start this one going because its rather dead on this board at the moment and I suppose all my usual muckers are either at the Stella tennis event watching Dim Tim (lose again) or at Henly Regatta eating cucumber sandwiches (they wish,...NOT).

Anyway please feel free to just talk to yourself blast away and let it go on any company or subject you wish. Just wish Id thought of this one before.

cheers GF.

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N.

There is something you can do about the problem you are having.

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Expensive, you say?

Here's some Jean Yu panties, priced at 295. Now, I think they are a rip off! :-)

I understand the massive A380, which is possibly the third biggest plane in the world, is due to land at Manchester Airport at 12:25 today.

Determining 'which is the biggest aeroplane' is always a bit difficult because you can use either weight or wingspan and get differing results. Here are just four of today's giants:-

Relative size comparison of the Spruce Goose, An-225, A380, and a 747



I was always amazed by the 747-400's statistics:

Empty: 399, 000 lb
Max Takeoff (MTO): 800, 000 lb
Payload: 249,122 lb cargo

In other words, at take off it carries about 70 tons of fuel , together with another 110 tons' worth of punters and their belongings. The bit I like about it best of all, is that it flies like a dream.

A London Fire

*In a run-down part of East London a fire



destroyed a dilapidated four-storey house

that had been divided into four flats.*

A Nigerian family of six Internet con artists
and full time benefit cheats lived on the first floor...
all six tragically perished in the fire.


A group of seven Islamic welfare cheats,
all illegally in the country, lived on the second floor...
they too, all perished in the fire.


Six Albanian, gang banger, ex-cons - all claiming
political asylum and living off the state for free,
occupied the 3rd floor...they too, died.


But the middle aged British white couple who lived
on the top floor miraculously survived the fire.

The Equal Opportunities Commission,
Amnesty International, Rights activists,
black community leaders and the
British Islamic Council were all furious
at the apparent racial inequality of the situation.


Why was just the British white couple saved?
It was monstrous they claimed, and showed
that systemic 'racism' still existed in all areas
of public service - questions were raised in the
House of Commons, the popular media picked up
the story and within hours it was national and
indeed international news.


Boris Johnson, Mayor of London, when questioned
stated calmly that it would be unwise to jump to
conclusions until the Police and Fire Service had
completed their report.
He closed by stating that he expected their initial
assessment to be available within the next 36 hours �
so perhaps it would be best to let the experts gather
the evidence and report back before
he commented any further.

The baying Press pack subsequently reported the
interview in such way as to intimate that the Mayor
was indifferent to suffering and was out of touch
with the feelings of the whole East London community!


A large motorcade of representatives from all five groups,
together with the Home Secretary drove to the area,
having demanded a meeting with the local chief fire officer.
They made sure that a large pack of popular Press and TV
had been briefed on the visit and so the motorcade was met
by a huge gaggle of journalists, TV interviewers and cameras.


On camera, they loudly demanded to know why the Africans,
Black Muslims and Albanians all died in the fire and
only the white couple lived.


One bemused chief fire officer quietly replied .


"Because they were both at work."

Check for Alzheimer's - Pretty Amazing!

The following was developed as a mental age assessment by the School of Psychiatry at Harvard University

Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake.

The average person over 45 years of age cannot do it!


1. This is this cat.
2. This is is cat.
3. This is how cat.
4. This is to cat.
5. This is keep cat.
6. This is an cat.
7. This is old cat.
8. This is fart cat.
9. This is busy cat.
10. This is for cat.
11. This is forty cat.
12. This is seconds cat.


Now go back and read the third word in each line from the top down and I betcha you cannot resist passing it on..........

This is me,

Going through the usual boredam of waiting for a flight. Your last 2 posts gave me a welcome laugh.
Must though point out an inacuracy in your Cat post.
The 40 second statement is way off, it took this old fart easily twice that.

Greek.

Sorry , but i resisted passing it on ............. or did i ?

Parvinder and Habib are beggars




Habib panhandles just as long as Parvinder ... but only collects 2 to 3 pounds every day.




Parvinder brings home a suitcase FULL of 20 notes, drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage-free house and has a lot of money to spend.







Habib says to Parvinder "I work just as long and hard as you do .... but how do you bring home a suitcase full of 20 notes every day?"




Parvinder says, "Look at your sign, what does it say?"




Habib's sign reads, "I have no work, a wife and 6 kids to support."




Parvinder says "No wonder you only get 2-3"




Habib says to Parvinder "So what does your sign say?"




Parvinder shows Habib his sign:




It reads, "I only need another 20 to move back to Pakistan."

An utterly brilliant performance from Katherine Jenkins & Spellbound performing "Bring Me To Life" at the recent 'Help For Heroes' concert:



Lyrics:

How can you see into my eyes like open doors
leading you down into my core
where Ive become so numb
without a soul
my spirit sleeping somewhere cold
until you find it there and lead it back home

Wake me up inside
Wake me up inside
call my name and save me from the dark
bid my blood to run
before I come undone
save me from the nothing Ive become

now that I know what Im without
you cant just leave me
breathe into me and make me real
bring me to life

Wake me up inside
Wake me up inside
call my name and save me from the dark
bid my blood to run
before I come undone
save me from the nothing Ive become

Bring me to life

frozen inside without your touch
without your love darling
only you are the life among the dead

bid my blood to run
before I come undone
save me from the nothing Ive become

Bring me to life

Even better watching it live :-)

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Agreed mnamreh, this version lacks the heavy rock guitar - but it is a great spectacle.

And what about Robbie Williams thumps up or down [ or if you bat for the other side bums ] bat 4 the other side, that sounds so English

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A man in a London Tesco tries to buy half a cauliflower. The very young produce assistant tells him that they sell only whole cauliflowers. The man persists and asks to see the manager. The boy says he'll ask his manager about it.

Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager 'Some prat out there wants to buy half a cauliflower.'
As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, 'And this gentleman has kindly offered to buy the other half.'
The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way.

Later the manager said to the boy, 'I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from, son?'

' Liverpool , sir,' the boy replied.

'Well, why did you leave Liverpool ?' the manager asked.

The boy said, 'Sir, there's nothing but whores and footballers up there.'

'Really?' said the manager. 'My wife is from Liverpool .'

'You're kidding?' replied the boy. 'Who did she play for?'

I've worked out the difference between the Catholic and the Anglican churches ...
the latter you go straight to the cash desk but with the former you pick up a basket or a trolley first before heading for the cashier....
and with the Jewish church (Synagogue)....you make sure there is a washroom and a window with a direct access to the carpark....

Anybody having trouble logging in to barclays stockbrokers ?

We all know some of the ridiculous ways the police work nowadays, but I have to have my say on this one (I often bite my tongue when I see all the stupid ideas floating around as they make me so mad).
Saw on Antiques Roadshow Sunday a Police helmet with a darkened badge, it was a night helmet, designed so that any street lights could not reflect from the dull surface.
To my dismay, these went out years ago.

Then in about 1998 an order came out to most Police Forces that we were to wear florescent jackets when on general patrol in order to make ourselves more visible to the public (and villains of course). I 'stupid' that I am, thought that this was a ridiculous idea, but obeyed the order anyway, until our first night shift, when on being told the rule also applied at night thought it was an error in the orders , instructed my unit to patrol in our normal dark uniforms, without the florescent jacket.

Although I as warned by several bosses, we managed to get away with this for several weeks by wearing the jackets till we got well away from the station and bosses.
With most higher ranking officers either going home and the few left not leaving the station, it was not difficult.
We were the only unit of of our group (I did not have figures for other groups) whose arrest figures for crime did not go down.
After a few weeks of nights, word got round and I was threatened with disciplinary action, so my unit started to comply with the order. Guess what, yes our arrest rate for crime went south. I spoke to several of our local criminals who told me that they thought the jackets were great with comments such as 'We can see you coming miles away' and 'What wally thought up that idea'.
My thought was we may as well have a day glow uniform with a flashing light attached.
If you are out at night, you still see many officers wearing these bright yellow jackets, even in the hours between midnight and dawn.
Mind you, whoever thought up the idea is probably now a Chief Constable somewhere.

Can anyone out there see any benefit, because I can't.