Thought Id start this one going because its rather dead on this board at the moment and I suppose all my usual muckers are either at the Stella tennis event watching Dim Tim (lose again) or at Henly Regatta eating cucumber sandwiches (they wish,...NOT).

Anyway please feel free to just talk to yourself blast away and let it go on any company or subject you wish. Just wish Id thought of this one before.

cheers GF.

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I
realized that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him
to forgive me.

I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go
swimming.

My Dad used to say 'always fight fire with fire', which is probably why
he got thrown out of the fire brigade.

I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said
'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, Six should be enough.'

If we aren't supposed to eat animals, then why are they made out of meat?

Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is
stand up and say, 'My name is Bob, and I am an alcoholic'?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Why does mineral water that 'has trickled through mountains for
centuries' have a 'use by' date?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible
crisp no one would eat?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze
these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out'?

What do people in China call their good plates?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't
point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom?

Why is a person that handles your money called a 'Broker'?

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over billion stars
in the universe, you believe them, but if they tell you there is wet paint
somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at
you but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out of the
window?

Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.

At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.

One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your
pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.

You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps.

Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a
calculator

Reading when you're drunk is horrible.

Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.

You never know where to look when eating a banana.

Rummaging in an overgrow garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.

Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.

The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your
teacher mum or dad.

Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee, flushed half way
through and then raced against the flush.

Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.

You never ever run out of salt.

There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got
your hand or head stuck in something.

No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.

Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their
arm broken by a swan.

The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an
upturned plug.

People who don't drive slam car doors too hard.

You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood
specifically to stir paint with.

Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose"

Desperate Bid To Resolve US Debt Crisis


Sky News 2011, 8:34, Sunday 31 July 2011

Leaders of the US Congress are making a desperate last-minute attempt to compromise on how to raise the country's debt limit so it can afford to pay its bills.

Senate majority leader Harry Reid has postponed until later today a test vote on a Democratic proposal to give more time for White House talks.

President Barack Obama is seeking legislation to raise the government's $14.3 trillion (8.7tn) debt limit by enough to tide the Treasury over until after the 2012 elections.

The House of Representatives passed a Republican-backed bill on Friday to provide a short-term boost - a $900bn (548bn) increase in the debt ceiling.

But two hours later, the legislation was defeated in the Democrat-controlled Senate.

Mr Obama has appealed to Democrats and Republicans to find a way forward before Tuesday.

The country will be unable to borrow money to pay its bills if Congress does not agree to increase the maximum level by then.

Earlier, Senate Republican leader Mitch McConnell said he was confident a deal could be reached in the "very near future" - a claim initially met with scepticism by Mr Reid.

Democrats in control of the Senate previously vowed to block the Republican proposals in favour of a longer-term $2.5 trillion (1.5tn) borrowing limit increase with about $2.2tn (1.3tn) in spending cuts.

Economists have claimed that defaulting on the debt could push the already fragile American economy back into recession.

Mr Obama has said there are "plenty of ways out of this mess" but warned "we are almost out of time".

He warned the US was in danger of losing its AAA credit rating - and this could mean tax rises in the form of higher interest rates on mortgages and credit cards.

Sky's US correspondent Greg Milam said there were "some signs of encouragement" now that talks at the White House were under way.

But he said: "It would still need to get through both houses of Congress and we've already seen that some members of both houses aren't keen on some of the deals that are being talked about.

"But it's progress after 24 hours of some pretty bitter language, each side voting down the other's plan to get through this crisis.

"All the time the clock is ticking and that moment when the US bumps up against its debt ceiling on Tuesday draws ever closer."

..US Debt: Politicians 'Very Close' To Deal

Sky News 23 minutes ago
....Politicians in the US are close to reaching an 11th-hour agreement on a debt deal that could help pay the country's bills.

ABC News reported that negotiators had reached a tentative agreement on a package, but a White House official cautioned that a deal was "not there yet".

However, Republican senator Mitch McConnell told US media that negotiations are "very close" to a deal and he was optimistic of a successful conclusion.

"I think we've got a chance of getting there," he said.

According to ABC news, the deal would raise the debt limit by up to \$2.4 trillion (1.46 trillion) and cut more than \$1 trillion (608bn) in spending over 10 years.

There were also plans for a new congressional panel to recommend additional deficit reductions of more than \$1 trillion.


Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, a Democrat, had earlier pushed back a key procedural vote on a debt limit plan by 12 hours.

It has allowed additional time for both sides to hammer out details before Asia markets opened.

"There are negotiations going on at the White House now on a solution that will avert a catastrophic default on the nation's debt," Reid said on the Senate floor.

President Barack Obama is seeking legislation to raise the government's \$14.3 trillion (8.7tn) debt limit by enough to tide the Treasury over until after the 2012 elections.


The House of Representatives passed a Republican-backed bill on Friday to provide a short-term boost - a \$900bn (548bn) increase in the debt ceiling.

But two hours later, the legislation was defeated in the Democrat-controlled Senate.

Mr Obama has appealed to Democrats and Republicans to find a way forward before Tuesday.

The country will be unable to borrow money to pay its bills if Congress does not agree to increase the maximum level by then.

Economists have claimed that defaulting on the debt could push the already fragile American economy back into recession.

Mr Obama has said there are "plenty of ways out of this mess" but warned "we are almost out of time".

He warned the US was in danger of losing its AAA credit rating - and this could mean tax rises in the form of higher interest rates on mortgages and credit cards.

Sky's US correspondent Greg Milam said there were "some signs of encouragement" now that talks at the White House were under way.

..

The Americans are a disgrace the way they are hanging this out.

Stocks jump, gold falls on U.S. debt breakthrough

Kevin Plumberg, 3:59, Monday 1 August 2011

SINGAPORE (Reuters) - Stocks rose while gold and the yen dropped on Monday as investors cut safety trades after Washington reached a last-minute deal to escape default, though the top U.S. credit rating could still be downgraded.

After a tense weekend in which rival plans to lift the U.S. borrowing limit were shot down in Congress, U.S. President Barack Obama said leaders from both parties reached a deal to cut the budget deficit by $1 trillion over 10 years, with additional savings of $1.4 trillion possible.

U.S. S&P 500 (SNP: ^GSPC - news) stock futures bounced 1.5 percent in a relief rally, high-yielding currencies such as the Australian dollar and emerging Asian units strengthened, while U.S. Treasuries -- which have maintained their haven status despite being at the centre of the debt ceiling impasse -- slid.

Investors were still on guard, though, since the plan, which will likely come to a vote in Congress on Monday, may not necessarily satisfy Standard & Poor's enough to keep the U.S. triple-A debt rating.

"For the rally to be durable, markets will need more than this downpayment agreement," said Mohamed El-Erian, co-chief investment officer of PIMCO in Newport Beach, California.

"They will look to a more coherent fiscal reform to emerge from the second step and, more generally, for additional measures to remove structural impediments to growth and jobs. Markets will also be asking whether this two-step agreement is sufficient to remove the threat of an S&P downgrade."

RELIEF OVER THE U.S. DEAL...

Japan (NYSE: MCO - news) 's Nikkei (Osaka: ^N225 - news) share average outperformed U.S. stock futures, gaining 1.8 percent , as investors bought back technology-related shares and the weaker yen invited buyers to dive back into major exporters.

"Obama's remarks may be enough for the Nikkei to regain the last three days of losses, but today's gains will likely reflect temporary relief, not solid confidence that all the negative elements in the U.S. economy have been priced in," said Tsuyoshi Kawata, a senior strategist at SMBC Nikko Securities in Tokyo.

The MSCI index of Asia Pacific (Chicago Options: ^RASPUSD - news) stocks outside Japan was up 1.7 percent after falling for the past two sessions, with gains spread out fairly evenly among the sectors with the defensive utilities segment underperforming.

Hong Kong's Hang Seng (HKSE: ^HSI - news) was up 1.5 percent , led by a 1.8 percent rise in HSBC (LSE: HSBA.L - news) after Europe (Chicago Options: ^REURTRUSD - news) 's largest bank said it would sell nearly half of its underperforming U.S. branch network.

The U.S. dollar index, which measures its value against a basket of six other major currencies, was largely unchanged on the day.

The euro weighs heavily in the basket, and so the index reflects deep-seated fears about the fiscal unsustainability for both the United States and the euro zone.

"Avoiding default by the U.S. government is of paramount importance, but investors also need to see a clear path towards deficit reduction that encourages confidence in the U.S. dollar. This is essential if we are to maintain America's AAA rating and encourage long-term investment in the U.S," said U.S. fund manager BlackRock Inc (NYSE: BLK - news) , which oversees $3.6 trillion in assets, in a statement.

The dollar shot up against the yen, hitting 78.00 yen before easing back to 77.63 yen, up 0.3 percent on the day. Traders in Asia had been keeping a close eye on the yen, since the dollar dropped below 77 yen to a four-month low of 76.70 yen on Friday, raising fears of yen-selling intervention by Japanese authorities.

ANXIETY OVER THE EURO ZONE

U.S. Treasury debt futures fell in electronic trading. The 10-year Treasury futures were down 6/32 to 125 16/32, and in the cash market, the benchmark 10-year yield rose four basis points from late Friday in New York (Xetra: A0DKRK - news) to 2.83 percent.

Oil futures also rose with risky assets. U.S. crude futures for September were up $1.19 at $96.89 a barrel, while Brent crude gained $1.17 cents to $118.11.

Gold prices tumbled 0.9 percent to $1,611.89 an ounce, down from a record high of $1,632.30 reached on Friday.

Many investors believe the market focus will shift to the likelihood of a rating downgrade as well as to the structural debt problems afflicting the euro zone.

Throughout last week's increasingly intense showdown in Washington over the U.S. debt ceiling, the spreads of Italian and Spanish bond yields over Germany have been widening sharply, signifying persistent unease that Greece's problem may spread to other European countries.

"Don't forget there's Europe in the background with problems in Italy and Spain," said Natalie Robertson, a commodities analyst at ANZ. "There is still heightened risk aversion in the market and gold will probably be volatile in the next few days."

(Additional reporting by Rujun Shen in SINGAPORE; Editing by Kim Coghill

How aquarium staff weaned Gary the gourami off his addiction to chocolate

More fish

And more.

That's awesome skinny, in the real sense of the word!

Yes. Utterly beautiful creatures and yet we never get to see them.

In the catfish post I liked the bit:

"It took me ages to bring it in, it was like trying to reel in a bus.

One of my mates went into the water to help lift it out."

Yikes!

THESE happy young people sit in the sun on a grass bank on Utoya a day before Anders Breivik unleashed 79 minutes of terror.



More at http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/3725040/Innocents-relax-before-Anders-Breiviks-massacre.html

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Morrissey is refusing to retract controversial comments he made comparing the massacre in Norway to the daily slaughter of animals for fast food outlets, insisting they are morally equivalent.

The staunch vegetarian launched into the rant while onstage in Warsaw, Poland last weekend, just two days after two terror attacks in Oslo plunged the Norwegian nation into mourning.

Before starting his track Meat Is Murder, the former The Smiths star told the crowd, "We all live in a murderous world, as the events in Norway have shown... Though that is nothing compared to what happens in McDonald's and Kentucky Fried S**t every day."

.

He is possibly referring to battery hens......in that case he is right.....free range, it has to be for all fast food chains.

And that means he is not a complete twat?

.

.

No - Morrissey is a twat. Along with the rest of the PETA brigade who anthropomorphise animals. That doesn't mean that animals should be maltreated or reared in inhumane conditions.

What is worrying about Morrissey and his ilk is that, in extremis, some of them are prepared to attack, even kill, people. See the SHAC mob's antics. He is fuelling that fire.

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