Thought Id start this one going because its rather dead on this board at the moment and I suppose all my usual muckers are either at the Stella tennis event watching Dim Tim (lose again) or at Henly Regatta eating cucumber sandwiches (they wish,...NOT).

Anyway please feel free to just talk to yourself blast away and let it go on any company or subject you wish. Just wish Id thought of this one before.

cheers GF.

You popping cherries bos?

that's very sweet of you, chocolat, offering me your cherry!!!!

Hello driver , how are you ,i havn't been on here so much.
Alan ,it's not racist to slap a frenchman .

Subject: FW: Logical Science - a new science



Two Dingles (Dwayne &Leon) are seated either side of a table in a rough Wolverhampton pub when a well-dressed man enters, orders a beer and sits on a stool at the bar.

The two dingles start to speculate about the occupation of the suit

Dwayne: - I reckon he's an accountant.

Leon: - No way - he's a stockbroker.

Dwayne: - He ain't no stockbroker! A stockbroker wouldn't come inhere!

The argument repeats itself for some time until the volume of beer gets the better of Dwayne and he makes for the toilet. On entering the toilet he sees that the suit is standing at a urinal. Curiosity and the several beers get the better of him.

Dwayne: - 'Scowse me.... no offence meant, but me and me mate were wondering what you do for a living?

Suit: - No offence taken! I'm a Logical Scientist by profession

Dwayne: - Oh? What's that then?

Suit: - I'll try to explain by example ... Do you have a goldfish at home?

Dwayne: - Er ... mmm ... well yeah, I do as it happens!

Suit: - Well, it's logical that you keep it either in a bowl or in a pond. Which is it?

Dwayne: - It's in a pond!

Suit: - Well it's reasonable to suppose that you have a large garden then?

Dwayne: - As it happens, yes I have got a big garden.

Suit: - Well then it's logical to assume that, in this town, if you have a large garden then you have a large house?

Dwayne: - As it happens I've got a five bedroom house ... built it myself!

Suit: - Well given that you've built a five bedroom house it's logical to assume that you haven't built it just for yourself and that you are quite probably married?

Dwayne: - Yes I am married; I live with my wife and four children.

Suit: - Well then it is logical to assume that you are sexually active with your wife on a regular basis?

Dwayne: - Yep! Five times a week!

Suit: - Well then it is logical to suggest that you don't masturbate very often?

Dwayne: - Do what? Not me, mate!

Suit: - Well there you are! That's logical science at work!

Dwayne: - How's that then?

Suit: - Well from finding out that you had a goldfish, I've told you about your sex life!

Dwayne: - I see! That's pretty impressive. Thanks mate!

Both leave the toilet and Dwayne returns to his mate.

Leon: - I see the suit was in there. Did you ask him what he does?

Dwayne: - Yep! He's a logical scientist!

Leon: - What's that then?

Dwayne: - I'll try and explain. Do you have a goldfish?

Leon: - Nope

Dwayne: - Well then, you're a wanker

jimmy
Hello, I haven't been on here either they are a load of bloody nutters if you ask me.

Baza,
Is that the same Dwayne and Leon who were drinking when they thought they saw the pope at the bar, buying a pint.
They argued over whether it was the pope or someone who looked like him.
Eventually Leon walked over to him and said "Excuse me, but are you the Pope?"
"Pi55 off, you stupid little T**T", replied the man.
Leon returned to Dwayne. "Well?", said Dwayne, "Is he the Pope?".
"Dunno", said Leon. "He wouldn't tell me".

Yep - same pair

Baza
ps - do u ever do any work - I have an excuse ????

Baza

Anybody esle having problems getting access to BSL

I have not been able to get onto the site all morning ??

Baza

Oh I work Baza. But you know how it is. It seems to be mostly about signing things that I don't understand and shouting at people.
Seriously, the job is not taxing, and is almost part time during the day. It can get very hectic on an evening though. On a normal day I do about 5 hours work but it is sporadic between about 8am and 10pm, so I have loads of time left to wind up people like ii, or regale explosive with my lifelong hunt for the beer monkey.
Alan

One for the girls - in case they are feeling left out

"Q. How can you tell when a man is well-hung?

A. When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck &
the
noose.



Q. Why do little boys whine?

A. Because they're practicing to be men.



Q. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A. One - he just holds it up there & waits for the world to revolve

around him.

OR. Three - one to screw in the bulb, two to listen to him brag about

the screwing part.



Q. What do you call a handcuffed man?

A. Trustworthy.



Q. What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath &

calling your name?

A. You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.



Q. Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to fertilize one egg?

A. Because not one will stop and ask directions.



Q. Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?

A. To stop the snoring before it starts



Q: Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?

A: Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.



Q: What is the difference between men and women...

A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants
every
woman to satisfy his one need.



Q: How does a man keep his youth?

A: By giving her money, furs and diamonds.



Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?

A: Rename the mail folder to "instruction manuals"

i don't think any of those jokes were funny , baza. not to your usual very high standard. not funny, any of them. in fact i'm offended and upset....

Tee Hee

If you haven't already had a look - go look at VOG - up 75% today - and I think it is only just starting

Baza

Great jokes Baza, but very true!
Just to illustrate, Alan is wearing one wellington at the moment because the weather forecast predicts a foot of snow.
H

bollocks. i read the bb a few days ago, had a look and thought the boat had gone......bugger!! did you get in , baza?

just enough to shrink him down to size then, H?

Shes some bloody room to talk.
When we got married she walked down the aisle backwards because she used to sell ice cream at the Odeon.

Sounds like the drinks are on Baza. Top call, mate.
Alan

Bloody hell - What a 10 minutes - I bought 10k at 100 10 minutes ago and just sold them at 117

I still have the 1k that I bought yesterday - that was quite exhilarating - never done that before

Phew - sorry blowing my own trumpet - but it does not happen often

baza

Baza,
Blowing your "pwn Trumpet" is something that even someone as depraved as me wouldn't consider!!!
Alan

In again at 108 - and out again at 120 - I cant believe this

baz
You should get back in looks like 200p tomorrow.

Smaller stock to watch



The AIM-listed Victoria Oil & Gas, the spin-off from Celtic Resources, surged 11p to 57p as independent consultants put the recoverable gas from its first discovery well in Russias West Medvezhye field at 500 billion cubic feet 31 times the previous estimate. With VOG, which owns 75 per cent of the field, still due to drill two further wells, Ambrian Partners said that the company could now rank among much larger Russian operators such as Sibir Energy and JKX Oil & Gas. The broker raised its target to 306p with a repeated buy recommendation.