Thought Id start this one going because its rather dead on this board at the moment and I suppose all my usual muckers are either at the Stella tennis event watching Dim Tim (lose again) or at Henly Regatta eating cucumber sandwiches (they wish,...NOT).

Anyway please feel free to just talk to yourself blast away and let it go on any company or subject you wish. Just wish Id thought of this one before.

cheers GF.

you having a "turtles head" moment there , driver?

I missed out on all that tonight you pair of twats !!!

Actually you three twats !!!!!

jimmy, inyerass with a black mambo strap-on, you great pillock!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You complete contents of a colostomy bag !!

Have a look at the pump and dump thread im going to invade it ..

Here - take this with you jimmy

Thats very nice chocolat ,,but i prefer to take a pair of boobs ,it's such a boring thread it needed some creative imput.

A bloke on his way into work this morning came to a

dead halt in traffic and thinks to himself



"Wow, this traffic seems worse than usual.

Nothing's moving."



He notices a police officer walking back and

forth between the lines of cars so he rolls

down his window and asks:



"Officer what's the hold up?"



The officer replies: "It's a Man Utd fan,

he's just so depressed about losing the

premiership to Arsenal last season and

again to Chelsea this season, being

knocked out of Europe, losing in the

FA Cup final, selling out to a yank and

winning naff all after gobbing off all

season whilst Liverpool have won the

European Cup , he's threatening to douse

himself in petrol and set himself on fire.



He says his family hates him and his mates are

all laughing at him. I'm walking around now taking a

collection for him."



"Oh really?" says the bloke "How much

have you collected so far?".



"Only about a litre, but a lot of people are

still siphoning."

Four men are arguing over their respective professions, and whose profession is the oldest and most venerable.
"Mine is," says the first. "I am a lawyer and in Genesis Cain murders Abel and gets away without punishment. Who but a lawyer could achieve this?"
"I disagree", says the second. "I am a doctor. Genesis relates the story of a rib being removed from Adam as he sleeps. Surely that is a surgical operation".
"But even before that", says the third man, "Genesis tells us that all was chaos and confusion and God created order. I am sure you will agree that creating order from chaos and confusion reflects my own job as an architect."
"Well that proves its mine." Said the fourth man. " I am director of policy for the Financial Services Authority".
"How does that prove its your job which is oldest?" Asked the lawyer.
"Who do you think created the chaos and confusion"?

Four men got together to play golf one sunny morning. As they were heading out to the course, one of them was detained by a phone call.

The other three were discussing their children while walking to the first tee.

"My son," said one proudly, "has made quite a name for himself in the home building industry. He began as a carpenter, but now owns his own design and construction firm. He's so successful, in fact in the last year he was able to give a good friend a brand new home as a gift."

The second man, not to be outdone, boasts how his son began his career as a car salesman, but now owns a multi-line dealership. "He's so successful, in fact, in the last six months he gave a friend two brand new cars as a gift."

The third man brags that his son has worked his way up through a stock brokerage firm, and has become so successful that in the last few weeks has given a good friend a large stock portfolio as a gift.

As the fourth man arrives at the tee box, the three smugly tell him that they have been discussing how successful their progeny are, and ask what line of work his son is in.

"To tell the truth, I'm not very pleased how my son has turned out," he replies. "For fifteen years, he's been a hairdresser, and I've just recently discovered he's gay."

As the other three recoil in horror, he continues, "but on the bright side, he must be good at what he does, because his last three boyfriends have given him a brand new house, two new cars, and a big stock portfolio."

Love it Al , :-)

Nice one Alan

Thought its about time to lower the tone of this thread............

WHY CAN YOU LIGHT A FART?

An average fart is 59 per cent nitrogen, 21 per cent hydrogen, 9 per cent carbon dioxide, 7 per cent methane and 4 per cent oxygen.
Farts can travel at speeds of 10ft (3m) a second
A person produces about half a litre (1pt) of farts a day.

Women fart as much as men.

The gas that makes farts stink is hydrogen sulphide. This gas, which is less than 1 per cent of the make-up of a fart, contains sulphur, the smelly component. Foods that cause smelly farts include beans, cabbage, cheese, eggs, fizzy drinks.

Most people pass gas about 14 times a day.

Happy new year :)

I wondered why all the fuss at our local Chinese Tobacconists, Wun Lung Soon.
The New Year falling on January 30th has caused a few problems though with the calander.
This year, Good Friday will be on a Wednesday and Pancake Tuesday will be Saturday. Black Wednesday will be on a weekend, which is good for the markets and Christmas day has had to be postponed till 2 dasy after boxing day. Bank Holiday Mondays will be Tuesdays and Thursdays and Autumn cannot be fitted in at all.
All deciduous trees have been advised to make their own arrangements for leaf dropping but local councils are offering reductions in council tax to all trees over 30 feet tall if they can manage to lose their leaves during June, when the roadsweepers tend to be a bit quieter.
2006 will end in September and to compensate, 2007 will last 13 months. the extra month will be called Kennedyuary and will be made up of 31 Sundays to fulfil the Liberal promise of getting into power in a month of Sundays.
European agreement has been sought for this and the Irish don't understand it, the french want a metric 10 day week, the Italians can't enforce it and the germans are unsure who to invade over it. The Spanish think it may affect their fishing quota and the French farmers are busy burning British lorries carrying diaries through Europe.
More updates later.

chocolat, i believe you have a reputation for being late for things , but 29 days is a bit ridiclious, dontcha fink!!!!?


never mind........'appy new year to you , too!!

interesting menu on offer tonight at our local chinese.

EAT MEE KITCHEN

Chinese Food to Eat Out

69 Fellatio Blvd, Givin Head, NY 10069

(212) I81-U812


-------------------------------------------------------------

SOUP W/NOODLES APPETIZERS PLATTERS

ONE TON SOUP SHRIMP DONG PEE YU PLATTER
FONG GOO PORK DONG PEE PEE PLATTER
CUM DROP SOUP SUC SUM TIT HOO FLUNG POO

-------------------------------------------------------------


DINNERS


SUM YUNG CHICK........$6.96 YU SUC WONG..............$6.69
WON HUNG LO...........$6.96 SUM CUM (Special sauce)..$1.69
WON BIG GUY...........$9.69 CUM ON CHIN..............$9.69
SUM DUM FUC...........$6.96 LIC MIE MOON.............$6.66
WON BIG DONG..........$6.96 TUNG MIE DONG............$9.69
SUC MIE PORK..........$9.69 TUNG SUM CHICK...........$6.69
ROAST PORK DONG.......$6.69 FUC MIE SLO..............$9.69
HO YU BIG GUY........$16.69 HOO SUC WONG.............$6.69
FONG MIE WONG.........$9.69 HOO SUC MIE..............$9.69
FUC YOU MON...........$6.96 HUNG LO GUY..............$6.69
EAT MI SPECIAL.......$69.69 PORK DONG (W/SUM CUM)....$9.69
CUM MI HAND...........$9.69 CHU SUM TWAT.............$6.69
WAI TU YUNG(SEASONAL).$9.69 SUM CUM GOO..............$3.69
HOO FUC DAT GUY.......$9.69 FUC DEM NOW..............$9.69
GOO WEE PORK..........$6.69 MAI PORK HUNG LO.........$6.69
CUM DIK NO BUD........$6.69 NO WAI HO SAI............$6.00
LAKKA NUKI............$9.69 SUM SLO YUNG GUY.........$9.69
SUM SUC WONG..........$6.69 CUM IN HAND..............$6.69
BUG HUNG GUY..........$9.69 LOT SA NUKI..............$6.69
SUC MI DONG..........$20.00 SUM DONT.................$6.69
FUC WON GUY...........$9.69 GUY SUCS MIE DONG........$6.69

i wouldn't mind LOT SA NUKI with SUM YUNG CHICK.

funny enough i live next door to a lovely chinese couple who had a white baby wat went wong

she had bunk up pie & chips instead of chinese takeaway........