Thought Id start this one going because its rather dead on this board at the moment and I suppose all my usual muckers are either at the Stella tennis event watching Dim Tim (lose again) or at Henly Regatta eating cucumber sandwiches (they wish,...NOT).

Anyway please feel free to just talk to yourself blast away and let it go on any company or subject you wish. Just wish Id thought of this one before.

cheers GF.

and a nice bit o' bush ;)

nice ass !!

See you're on top of things again.

oh yes!! here you go ...... just realised i haven't given you one for a while ;)

Mmmm nice ice.

What a funny old day.
My screen is completely blood red, and I thought i'd taken a hammering.
When I tot up the portfolio its only down 0.3%
Weird.

Oooooo, it's quiet in here!

A man and a woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away noticed that the man was slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, with the woman acting unconcerned.

The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. Still, the woman dining across from him appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that her dining companion had disappeared.

After the waitress finished taking the order, she came over to the table and said to the woman, "Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table."

The woman calmly looked up at her and replied firmly, "No he didn't. He just walked in the door."

Checking on the baby one night a wife found her husband standing over their baby's cot. Silently she watched him. As he stood looking down at the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions: disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, scepticism.

Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it aroused, with eyes glistening she slipped her arm around her husband. "A penny for your thoughts," she said.

"It's amazing!" he replied. "I just can't see how anybody can make a cot like that for only 26.50."


How's the nipper Bosley?

kim

You're right, Kim. Very quiet in here.
Time for a roll-call, methinks.
Can anyone who still bothers with this thread let us know they are still alive(ish).
Alan

Just hanging on.

i'm deliberately trying to stay off here cos i only got one thing on my mind at the moment ........




..........and it aint jimmy's pics. but that shouldn't stop mr j from posting some .........;)

C'mon Jimmy, prove I'm not going blind......mind you, after some of your pictures...........
kim

I saw that Stockdog's daughter is in the school production of the Wizard of Oz, reminded me of this oldie:-

Former Vice President Dan Quayle, Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich, and President Bill Clinton are traveling by car in Kansas. A tornado comes along and whirls them up into the air and tosses them many miles away. They fall into a daze.

When they come to and extract themselves from the vehicle, they realize they're in the fabled Land of Oz. They decide to go see the famous Wizard of Oz, known for granting people their wishes.

Quayle announces: "I'll ask the Wizard for a brain."

Gingrich responds: "I'll ask him for a heart."

Clinton looks around and says: "Where's Dorothy?"

kim

Still artound - but busy renovating a flat at the moment

A skinny little white guy goes into an elevator and looks up and sees
this HUGE black guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little
guy staring at him, looks down and says: "7 feet tall, 350 pounds,
20-inch private, 3-pound left testicle, 3-pound right testicle, Turner
Brown."
The white man faints and falls to the floor. The big guy kneels down and
brings him to, shaking him. The big guy says, "What's wrong with you?"

In a weak voice, the little guy says, "What EXACTLY did you say to me?"
The big! dude says, "I saw your curious look and figured I'd just give
you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me. I'm 7 feet
tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20-inch private, my left testicle
weighs 3 pounds, my right testicle weighs 3 pounds, and my name
is Turner Brown."
The small guy says, "Turner Brown?!...Sweet Jesus, I thought you said,
'Turn around'!"

.A man appeared before St. Peter at the pearly gates.



Have you ever done anything of particular merit? St Peter asked.



Well, I can think of one thing, the man offered. Once, on a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of high-testosterone bikers, who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him on the head, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, threw it on the ground and yelled, Now, back off or youll answer to me!



St. Peter was impressed: When did this happen?



Just a couple minutes ago.

Not sure if I have sent this before ?

The wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the
Man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them, being the
Sex God he was.

The husband asked the man, "How could sandals make you into a sex
freak?"

The Jamaican replied, "Just try dem on, Mon."

The husband, after some badgering from his wife, finally gave in, and
tried them on. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this
wild look in his eyes, something his wife hadn't seen in many years!

In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Jamaican, bent him
violently over a table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own
pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaican's hips.

The Jamaican then began screaming, "YOU GOT DEM ON DE WRONG FEET! YOU
GOT DEM ON DE WRONG FEET!"

Sorry chaps iv'e been away / busy,, and have neglected my duties.

Yes you have jimmy. That wall badly needs painting. Or is it in the flat that Baza is renovating????

I hadn't noticed the wall Al

jimmy b your birds are better than bosleys.



How do you stop a woman moaning?










Take her to bed.