Thought Id start this one going because its rather dead on this board at the moment and I suppose all my usual muckers are either at the Stella tennis event watching Dim Tim (lose again) or at Henly Regatta eating cucumber sandwiches (they wish,...NOT).

Anyway please feel free to just talk to yourself blast away and let it go on any company or subject you wish. Just wish Id thought of this one before.

cheers GF.

Still, she is a beautiful car to drive around in :-)
Alan

I wish.

I was going to put a piccy of my car on here, but I can't find one that does it justice.
You'll just have to go to a Jaguar site and browse the XJ8 4.0 Sovereign LWB.

I have to make do with a lowly Ciroen C5 VTR these days now that my two-tone Rolls with the red bonnet and red roof has been stolen.....hang on a minute - Jimmy, where'd you get that picture?!

Its in my underground garage Kim ,i don't use it much my Butlers off sick.

If she dosen't come back to work soon she's sacked

I got a 19inch and I still can't get it all on.

Driver, not enough blood for both of you??? ;-)
Jimmy, I'm not surprised, poor girl, shell catch her death of cold, like that without her vest on.
Alan

Doesn't she realising there's a huge car bearing down on her? She's going to get a right camshafting.
kim

That was rather large , this is better, i don't see whats wrong with the uniform Al ,and Kim no more smutty jokes about getting camshafted or getting hit with the big end ,rear ended or anything else , its not clever and above all its chauvinist.

Phwor, I fancy those on my hood! (I mean the hood of my car of course Jimmy - I am a reformed character).
kim

Food for thought while we are working!!


A father came home and found his three children were outside, still
in their pyjamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and
wrappers strewn all around the front yard.

The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the
house and there was no sign of the dog.

Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had
been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall.

In the front room the TV was loudly blaring out a cartoon, and the
family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.

In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled
on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled
on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile
of sand was spread by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles
of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she may be ill, or
that something serious had happened. He was met with a small trickle
of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered
inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over
the floor.

Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over
the mirror and walls. As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his
wife still curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel.

She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?"

She again smiled and answered, "You know every day when you come
home from work and you ask me what in the world did I do today?"

"Yes," was his incredulous reply.

She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it."

Food for thought while we are working!!


A father came home and found his three children were outside, still
in their pyjamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and
wrappers strewn all around the front yard.

The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the
house and there was no sign of the dog.

Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had
been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall.

In the front room the TV was loudly blaring out a cartoon, and the
family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.

In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled
on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled
on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile
of sand was spread by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles
of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she may be ill, or
that something serious had happened. He was met with a small trickle
of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered
inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over
the floor.

Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over
the mirror and walls. As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel.

She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?"

She again smiled and answered, "You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world did I do today?"

"Yes," was his incredulous reply.

She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it."

For all you ladies out there - that was worth repeating!! ;-)
kim (not quite the chauvinist you may think, well not anymore, not after Johnny has told everyone what my wife said to me yesterday!!)

Why is it that a man who thinks of men as superior, stronger, cleverer and better is a chauvanist pig, yet a woman who thinks that women are so much superior in all these areas is regarded as a feminist and presented as a cause celeb, witty, intelligent, invited on to discussion shows and often given or elected to high office.
Just a thought.
Don't all shout at me. I'm not a chauvanist. Some of my best friends are women. I even married one.
Alan

It is because we would not want to upset them Alan, otherwise they won't cook for us, wash and iron our clothes, look after the kids, do the shopping, bring us our beer and supper, slippers, turn the TV channel to what we want to watch, do the garden, housework - well a bit like Johnny's scenario; worst of all, they will have a sudden headache!
kim

You forgot about picking us up from the pub so we don't have to get a taxi.
Alan

Alan, you are so lucky, I'm still training mine!
kim