Thought Id start this one going because its rather dead on this board at the moment and I suppose all my usual muckers are either at the Stella tennis event watching Dim Tim (lose again) or at Henly Regatta eating cucumber sandwiches (they wish,...NOT).

Anyway please feel free to just talk to yourself blast away and let it go on any company or subject you wish. Just wish Id thought of this one before.

cheers GF.

Extremely.
I'm serious you know. Not only Xmas, but Hen and Stag night crackers, Adult party crackers. Owt.
I think it would be a big seller.

ho hum, back to work. what a miserable day.

Do You Think English is Easy???

Read to the end . . . a new twist to an oldie


Can you read these right the first time?




1) The bandage was wound around the wound.


2) The farm was used to produce produce.


3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse .


4) We must polish the Polish furniture.


5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present , he thought it was time topresent the present

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?


Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France . Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

PS. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"


You lovers of the English language might enjoy this

There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is "UP."

It's easy to understand UP , meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP ? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report ?

We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car . At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special .

And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP. We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.

We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP ! To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP , look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. I f you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP , you may wind UP with a hundred or more. When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP

When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP .

When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP .

One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP , for now my time is UP , so........... it is time to shut UP.....!

And what exactly is the difference between "flammible" and "inflammible"????

There is no difference. They are both spelled wrongly :-))

No, they are both spelt incorrectly :-))



Say this out aloud. No good just reading it in your head.

"I can speak english better than you used to could when you were a little children"

Any golfers on here ??

Not a golfer myself - but spotted this on another site. I believe the offer to be genuine - although I have not tried it out myself

18 holes of Golf at a choice of 30 top clubs only 3.95 or less delivered

Go to www.buyagift.co.uk and search golf, buy the "round of golf for one" for 7.50 and use discount code 953195 to get 5 off which makes it 3.95 with shipping.

This seems to be a pretty good deal to me. Go through quidco to get another 0.47 off, making it an amazing 3.47 for an 18 hole round of golf. Only conditions are after 1pm on weekdays.


And you can play at some great courses around the uk, voucher is valid for 10 months from date of purchase.


Hope some of you can enjoy this.

Baza

special offers

baza, that's the kind of thing you find on this site. some good stuff here.

Thats exactly where I did find it

Just bought myself the panasonic 40" plasma reduced from 1500 to 919 - including stand AND 5 years warranty AND Free delievry from John Lewis - which was a bargain in itself (Currys have same - but does not include the 5 year warranty - worth 250 alone)- but with the special offer found on that site they knocked another 10 off. The best deal I have found on there just before Xmas was that Tesco were doing a rather nice Chateauneuf du Pape reduced from 13 to just 5.99 (I think) - but with the Tesco voucher of 15 off on your first wine order - then it came down to 21 for 6 bottles - or just 3.50 per bottle - and it was decent wine toboot.

if only b & m bargains in farnworth had a website, baza. you'd love it in there !!

finally got round to treating myself to a camcorder. bought it from dabs.com which is in bolton. i'm in bolton, about 8 miles away, but it still took 3 feckin' days to get here !!! i would rather the money i paid for shipping had been used to pay abacab taxis to bring it. it was kinda interesting being able to track it as it went from depot to depot before finally being picked up by the delivery man at 6.30am this morning. i still didn't get it 'til dinner time.

Hi guys and girls,

A 2007 message..

Its so lovely to see this thread going from strength to strength.

Little did I know that this would have such a great impact on POSTERS lifes when I first set the thread up one hot summers day in the middle of a heat wave and no enthusiasm was shown to the markets.

Im not a big speaker but come on carry on lets have the best of everybody, and lets ROCK ON.

I love you all.
GF.

Goldie, we'd like to thank you for your inspiration and public spirit demonstrated by your setting up this thread.

Our lives would be much poorer without it.

ST ............. LOL.

I trust your keeping well.

love ya too, goldie.

got to send me camcorder back as it's faulty. i guess it's going to be another week before i get a new one now :S

Bos, that sounds like Sod's law at work. And don't even get me started about how long things have sat around at DHL here in Germany after I ordered them in a hurry.

GF - things are fine here, thanks - 2007 shaping up to be a great year.

After all the recent excesses ...



... it's high time for some more.

blimey!! that's a biggun!! doesn't look the same without any cream though. gis' a minute and i'll whip some up ;)

Just wondered what you twisted lot had come up with for your New Years Resolutions.
I Resolved to get fitter from a cardio-vascular point of view so I started exercising. The regime was challenging and involved increasing my exercise by parking the car a bit further from the kerb, so I had further to walk and not cutting my bacon sandwiches in half so they were heavier to lift.
After 3 days the strain was starting to tell, so how happy was I to read an article that says caffeine increases your heart rate.
I have abondoned the rigorous exercises and now drink alot more coffee, on the basis that I don't get tired and its a good workout for my heart.
This will probably be the easiest resolution to keep ever.
One downside is that coffee requires cigarettes to go with it (I'm sure Bos will agree) and that makes it almost as expensive as joining a gym, but I think the health benefits will be worth it.
alan

Al, I just learned from German TV that kissing is good for health and fitness. It strengthens the immune system and raises that heart rate and apparently if you snog for 5 minutes you burn the same number of calories as if you'd jogged 100 metres.

So if you have your cup of coffee before and a cigarette afterwards (which of course assists with deep breathing, very important for stress-busting), I reckon you'll be well on the way to total health.