Thought Id start this one going because its rather dead on this board at the moment and I suppose all my usual muckers are either at the Stella tennis event watching Dim Tim (lose again) or at Henly Regatta eating cucumber sandwiches (they wish,...NOT).

Anyway please feel free to just talk to yourself blast away and let it go on any company or subject you wish. Just wish Id thought of this one before.

cheers GF.

How you doing chaps ,missed you as well bos.

Wimbledon have got it all wrong.
The crowd want a spectacle. This is England so Wimbledon fortnight being bang in the middle of summer means its bound to rain heavily. And what do the organisers do?? Abandon play!!!
What they should do is schedule the ladies doubles matches to take place during heavy rain. After all, the tennis from them is crap, so no-one would see a significant reduction in quality. Furthermore, I think attendances would rise, to see 4 ladies slithering around a muddy court in waspishly thin and small tennis outfits, falling and sliding , writhing around the ground, their garments clinging with the wet.
Take a moment to think about that and then tell me you would rather have Cliff Richard singing a 40 year old song badly, with no musical accompaniment.
Thought so.
Alan

You were getting yourself in to quite a frenzy towards the end of that Al !!!! , however what a great idea,i think viewing figures would go through the roof.

"i think viewing figures would go through the roof." If they put a roof on Jimmy, they'll have to use hosepipes, let's hope there's no ban.

Alan,

My psychoanalyst says if I have any sort of problem keeping control, I should analyze my thoughts by putting them down on paper, and that his method would work and keep me sane. So here goes.

If the good angel was sitting on my left shoulder, talking to the good pure side of my brain, and you were the devil were sitting on the other, putting those unclean, impure thoughts into the evil side of my brain,I am 100% certain the good angel would prevail.
My will power is so strong, I am now going to drool, sorry I mean look at those pictures again, to test myself.
OK after 5 mins still feel fairly strong. 10 mins, still calm, but getting a bit hot.
15 mins, sweating slightly, but still having pure thoughts, sort of.
Becoming very difficult to keep these pictures, from becoming, wet T shirt, mud splattered pure none tennis playing sex goddess.
Becoming confused now, the NIKE logo keeps going fuzzy, and is beginning to read Waspish.
Streaming, (no not a level 2 term, you sad lot) now time for a cold shower.
Shower, mud, clinging.
What have you done to me. Must go now. At my age, this is not doing me any good at all. Time for a lie down.
Bloody psychoanalyst, waste of money

There you go greekman no need to think about it anymore.

Jimmy,

The thought Police have just paid me a visit. They are on route to you.
I think they want more pictures.

Jimmy,

The thought Police have just paid me a visit. They are on route to you.
I think they want more pictures.

Is your hand a bit shaky Greek? ;o)

My whole body is shaky.

A real Balls up...........
As the country prepares for 2012, and the greatest sporting event in the world, politicians and leaders are talking of how we can ensure we put up a great show, both on the field and off it. Except Ed Balls.
The aptly named schools minister has decided that what our children and teens really need in their PE lessons at school is tuition in how to lose gracefully.
My bone idle daughter is delighted cos her grades will go up, but what on Earth is Mr Balls next idea??? Teaching bad spelling in English, or how not to add up in Maths?
I am a huge fan of surreal comedy, but some of the stuff that comes from real life cannot be touched by even the greatest surrealists.
Alan

Alan,

Fully agree, no competition in schools, so no one ready to face the real world. No wonder there are so many stress councilors.
Several years ago I failed an examination for promotion. When I went for a consultation I was told, Don't look at this as a failure, as you have not failed. So I said, so I really passed then . The reply was, no you did not succeed which is not the same as failing, no one is a failure. I asked him to explain the difference. He waffled on about all sorts of psycho rubbish. I ended up calling him an idiot and walked out. I never did get that promotion. There is not much more to be said.

Count Dracula is on the pull in Glasgow. He spends the night drinking Bloody Mary's in various clubs and biting on unsuspecting women's necks.

He's heading for home, along Argyle Street sometime before dawn.

Suddenly he's hit on the back of the head. He looks round and sees nothing. He looks down and sees a small sausage roll. Mmmm, he thinks. What's going on here?

A few yards further on and........BANG. Smacked on the back of the head again! He whirls round as quick as he can - nothing. Again he looks down and there's a small triangular sandwich lying on the ground. How odd!

A few more yards further along the street and........crash. Smacked on the back of the head yet again! He whirls round as quick as he can - nothing. He's getting really angry now. Again he
looks down and there's a cocktail sausage lying on the ground. He stands and peers into the darkness of the night. Nothing.

He walks a few yards further along again when he gets a tap on the shoulder. With a swirl of his cape and a cloud of mist he turns as fast as he can. He feels a sharp pain in his heart. He falls to the ground clutching his chest, which is punctured by a small cocktail stick laden with a chunk of cheese and a pickled onion.

On the ground dying, he looks up and sees a young female. With his dying breath he gasps, "Who the hell are you?"


Wait for it...


Are you ready?...


Brace yourself...


This'll make your day...




... "BUFFET, the vampire slayer."

excellent bos , winging its way around the world

Ceres Power (CWR) will demo its fuel cell boiler in September at their offices- could be on the brink of something BIG as mass manufacturing talks are well on the way

And I wondered why there was a "talk to yourself" thread ;o)

Hands up those that are surprised re the CPS decision that no one is to be charged over the Cash for Honors farce.
In my last job the CPS were referred to as The Criminal Protection Society.
How can a final decision be taken by persons put in the job by those possibly involved. Conflict of interest!
Talk about you scratch my back.
Government more corrupt than ever.
At least we can once again trust the BBC as they are all being sent on How to be Honest Courses.
I understand on completion of these courses there will be new programme where you can vote for which presenter has the most honest looking face.
If it was the ordinary man/woman in the street, there would be corruption, fraud charges pouring through the letter box.
Cynicism rules. OK.

Takes some believing (well I thought so anyway).

Names have not been mentioned to protect the guilty.

Having a dispute with a Solicitor re a legacy left to my wife.

The basis of the dispute is as follows.

The solicitor (sole executor) took about 5 months to finalize a will.
He did not answer requests for account details involved (5 requests over 4 weeks) and admits to not chasing up a building society for 8 weeks after a none reply to an initial inquiry.
I have evidence to this from the solicitor himself, via an E-Mail.
Eventually I contacted the Building Society myself who quickly admitted that one delay was partly their fault and quickly offered compensation (after a threat of the FSA).
Not so the solicitors firm. I made a formal complaint to the solicitors firm.
I received a reply stating that, they do not act for the beneficiary (which I was aware of), and that they only have responsibility and duty to their client the executor.
On contacting the senior partner I had the following conversation.

Q "Can you confirm that you only have a duty to the executor"
R "Yes"
Q "Can you confirm you are the sole executor"
R " I'm not sure without looking at the file"
Q " I can confirm that you are the sole executor, so if so can you confirm that you are your own client"
R " Yes".
Q " So you are stating that you only have responsibility to yourself and no one else"
R " Yes"
Q "So you are only answerable to yourself"
R " We are only responsible to the executor who is our client".
Q " But you are the sole executor, so it follows you are your own client"

At this stage he became a bit stroppy. I think he realized I was one of those people that solicitors don't frighten.

It was at this stage I informed him I was taking this to the Law Society.
In my opinion the above could be the script for a Monty Python sketch.
I feel that the client is in the first place the person who made the will. The solicitors responsibility can't end on the death surely.

You couldn't make it up.

If the Law Society disagree with me and side with the solicitor I will take this as far as it can go.

As a foot note. Within 4 days of me chasing the Building Society the money was released to the solicitor, who 3 days later released it to my wife.

We pay these people well over the odds for a service which is often totally inept.

Priceless Greek, couldn't agree more! I have come across many solicitors in my life who have been exactly like the one you dealt with; having said that there are also just as many who are completely the opposite......I would like to think that the majority are not on the 'dark side' but would not be overwhelmingly surprise to find that is not the case!!

This solicitor sounds like a fool.

He was surely wrong in saying he only had responsibility and duty to his client, the executor.

The Executor has a responsibility to The Estate and the beneficiaries.

If he is also the Executor it follows he has a duty to the Estate and a responsability to discharge the wishes of the deceased.

See here:-

http://www.willsprobate.co.uk/executors.html

'Once the grant has been issued it gives the executor the legal right to deal with the assets of the estate in accordance with the wishes of the deceased. This may involve the sale of property, the liquidation of shares and calling in the balance on bank accounts. Once the assets are realised and all debts including tax are paid the executor must distribute the residual estate to the beneficiaries. Executors must be extremely cautious about the way in which they deal with matters and must remember that they have a responsibility for tax and a responsibility to the beneficiaries.'