Thought Id start this one going because its rather dead on this board at the moment and I suppose all my usual muckers are either at the Stella tennis event watching Dim Tim (lose again) or at Henly Regatta eating cucumber sandwiches (they wish,...NOT).

Anyway please feel free to just talk to yourself blast away and let it go on any company or subject you wish. Just wish Id thought of this one before.

cheers GF.

Alan - So when the punter asks the financial salesman about "the home being at risk" sentence (which he or she probably does understand) what is the response? Guess we might agree to differ on that as well! (FWIW my view is that the reply would be on the lines of "we have to put that in because your home is security for the loan" or something equally bland). I have no doubt you are representative of the good guys in the industry, but I do believe there are/have been a lot of sharks.

Kim,

can't remember where I bought the curlywurly, but do remember Terry Scott used to advertise the blessed things. As he's dead, can I sue June Whitfield?

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Good grief, I'd forgotten all about that ad. Sorry Oblo, going to have to sue you now - for reminding me of it!!

It's amazing what you find on You Tube!

one of the funniest reviews i have ever read. :)))))

well, it made me laugh.

kim, i agree. it is truly amazing what you can find on youtube. type in " worlds biggest nose ". speaking as someone with a very big nose, i certainly felt a whole lot better after watching that ;) also, try " man with can in mouth " :)

Do you remember this one, Kim?

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Bosley, next time I'm in Belfast I just have to go to Goodfellas!! That review is likely to boost custom....briefly! And yes, some nose but that mouth is something to shout about :o)

Oblo, I'm going to have nightmares for days (or should it be nights?) after that!

Last one - promise!

Does anyone else remember this - can't believe its on youtube. Took me back almost 50 years instantly!

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Classic Oblo, that programme was probably responsible for today's youth/crime culture!

Talking about advertising; is anyone else getting completely fed up about all the advertising on the BBC. There is as much advertising on the BBC between programmes as on ITV, if not more.

OBLOMOV great .silly dog.The first Toy boy

Another insider report by Thadeus Dipfinger.............

The rumours concerning HBOS yesterday were undoubtedly false, but I have it on good authority, from an un-named source, that another bank is making secretive moves to shore up its capital.
My source, a senior broker, tells me that Bradford and Bingley are very short on money and do not wish to go to the BoE for funds in case they do a Northern Rock.
Instead they have hatched a cunning plan and put in an audacious bid to buy DFS the furniture retailer.
They have calculated that the average settee has about 2.37 in loose change down the back of it and with all the settees DFS have, this will give B&B about 23m of free money. In a further twist it turns out that a bonus will be the average 6 pens in each settee means that the branches can cut their stationary spend and can also make a few quid selling lots of lost TV remotes on Ebay.
The broker tells me he is not sure the deal will happen, but as a hedge has short sold B&B and gone long on DFS.
He urges you all to do the same. He has told us that the deal will be announced on 1st April, but he has booked to sell his DFS and buy his B&B back on 31st March because he goes on holiday to the Indian Ocean that day.

Your priceless.LOL.

Yep, another classic Alan!

Just return from 2 weeks hols, wondering if the morality standard, sensibility and intelligence of posts on this thread had improved. Great to see nothing has changed. Still the smutty, low moralistically bankrupt, politically incorrect, sexually depraved, psychopathic bunch are still posting. Obviously the above is not aimed at any particular individual, but how have you been Alan.

Don't recognise your description of the thread, greek, I must say, but welcome back.

How was the security at the airport?

Welcome back, Greek.
I recognised the people you were describing and I am astonished Ian has never banned himself.
Thankfully the stuff you described is balanced by sane and thoughtful postings, provoking intelligent adult debate.
And to make my point;
With reference to Oblos post i would like to make a wise and salient observation, one that is satirical and cuts to the very heart of post 20th century communitys neo-political views. Look at the hooters on that !!!

Sexist remark Alan, tit tit, shame on you.

Welcome home Greek!

By our Political correspondant Brian O'Hanrahanrahanrahan;

At a time when the UK desperately needs to boost consumer spending in support of a flagging economy, they have decided to embark on a wide reaching policy of change for the retail services industry.
In an attempt to free up cash flow and encourage spending the minister for rank stupidity, Colin Titmus (MP for somewhere uninhabited) is pressing forward with a bill to stop shops displaying for sale anything that people might want to buy. Step one is to ban shops from showing that they sell things like cigarettes and tobacco, by having them behind closed doors, but this is only the start.
They are in discussion with Sainsburys about putting the dairy produce, and processed foodstuffs in shuttered cabinets and having alcohol in a seperate building altogether. There are also plans to legislate for KFC and McDonalds to only be allowed drive throughs with no vehicle access, and no tables or chairs in their dining rooms.
Titmus says he has support from both the health lobby, and people who have no lives of their own and are concerned others are enjoying themselves. A suprising supporter is the junior minister for illegal imports and contraband who thinks it will boost trade in his sector massively.
Titmus points to prohibition in 20's America and how it brought a massive increase in the number of firms in Chicago and foreign investment from Sicily and thinks the same could happen here. I raised the spectre of the St Valentines day massacre and Titmus said a few dead businessmen was nothing compared to the number of people who might see cigarettes for sale and perhaps buy some, maybe.
On the way it might affect business I consulted Thadeus Dipfinger, our city editor, but he was too busy selling his retail shares in order to book a few channel crossings to help me.
The minister, meanwhile, is booking a trip of his own. He is due to go factfinding in Afghanistan to see how retailers cope with nothing at all on their shelves.
It is clear from his oratory, that the biggest dangers facing youth today is not gun crime, the inability to find somewhere to live, unemployment from a crumbling economy, cheap drugs or being needlessly slaughtered by some bloke with 20lb of semtex strapped to his back. It is the knowledge that shops sell things like tobacco that might make you a bit unhealthy in 50 years time.
The minister deserves our full support. I propose we support him with a noose from a tall lamp post.

Obituary

It is with great sadness we announce the death of mathematics in this country.
The country that gave the world Newton and his "Principia" has a teaching union incapable of simple sums.
You may laugh, but the mathematical education of an entire nations next generation is in the hands of a profession that are demanding a pay rise of "3000 or 10% for every teacher. Whichever is the greater."
I propose that if the maths department cannot work out which is the greater, or the english department cannot describe their demands in a more accurate way, then a career change may be in order.
It will contain 5 training days a year to learn to say, "Would you like fies with that?"