Thought Id start this one going because its rather dead on this board at the moment and I suppose all my usual muckers are either at the Stella tennis event watching Dim Tim (lose again) or at Henly Regatta eating cucumber sandwiches (they wish,...NOT).

Anyway please feel free to just talk to yourself blast away and let it go on any company or subject you wish. Just wish Id thought of this one before.

cheers GF.

By our Political correspondant Brian O'Hanrahanrahanrahan;

At a time when the UK desperately needs to boost consumer spending in support of a flagging economy, they have decided to embark on a wide reaching policy of change for the retail services industry.
In an attempt to free up cash flow and encourage spending the minister for rank stupidity, Colin Titmus (MP for somewhere uninhabited) is pressing forward with a bill to stop shops displaying for sale anything that people might want to buy. Step one is to ban shops from showing that they sell things like cigarettes and tobacco, by having them behind closed doors, but this is only the start.
They are in discussion with Sainsburys about putting the dairy produce, and processed foodstuffs in shuttered cabinets and having alcohol in a seperate building altogether. There are also plans to legislate for KFC and McDonalds to only be allowed drive throughs with no vehicle access, and no tables or chairs in their dining rooms.
Titmus says he has support from both the health lobby, and people who have no lives of their own and are concerned others are enjoying themselves. A suprising supporter is the junior minister for illegal imports and contraband who thinks it will boost trade in his sector massively.
Titmus points to prohibition in 20's America and how it brought a massive increase in the number of firms in Chicago and foreign investment from Sicily and thinks the same could happen here. I raised the spectre of the St Valentines day massacre and Titmus said a few dead businessmen was nothing compared to the number of people who might see cigarettes for sale and perhaps buy some, maybe.
On the way it might affect business I consulted Thadeus Dipfinger, our city editor, but he was too busy selling his retail shares in order to book a few channel crossings to help me.
The minister, meanwhile, is booking a trip of his own. He is due to go factfinding in Afghanistan to see how retailers cope with nothing at all on their shelves.
It is clear from his oratory, that the biggest dangers facing youth today is not gun crime, the inability to find somewhere to live, unemployment from a crumbling economy, cheap drugs or being needlessly slaughtered by some bloke with 20lb of semtex strapped to his back. It is the knowledge that shops sell things like tobacco that might make you a bit unhealthy in 50 years time.
The minister deserves our full support. I propose we support him with a noose from a tall lamp post.

Obituary

It is with great sadness we announce the death of mathematics in this country.
The country that gave the world Newton and his "Principia" has a teaching union incapable of simple sums.
You may laugh, but the mathematical education of an entire nations next generation is in the hands of a profession that are demanding a pay rise of "3000 or 10% for every teacher. Whichever is the greater."
I propose that if the maths department cannot work out which is the greater, or the english department cannot describe their demands in a more accurate way, then a career change may be in order.
It will contain 5 training days a year to learn to say, "Would you like fies with that?"

Pot calling the kettle black.

To avoid bloodshed the Tibetan general at Yetung pledged that if the Tibetans make no attack upon the British, no attack should be made by the British on them. Colonel Younghusband on December 6, 1903 replied that we are not at war with Tibet and that, unless we are ourselves attacked, we shall not attack the Tibetans. [38]

Despite the mutual agreement, the British expedition did take the lives of a few thousand unprepared Tibetan soldiers and civilians. The biggest massacre took place on March 31, 1904 at a mountain pass halfway to Gyantse near a village called Guru. Colonel Younghusband tricked the 2,000 Tibetan soldiers guarding the pass into extinguishing the burning ropes of their basic rifles before firing at them with the Maxim machine guns and rifles. The Tibetan casualty, according to Younghusbands account, was 500 killed and wounded. [39] Others have claimed that the Tibetan casualty was as high as 1,300.

We are ruled by a Stalinist at the head of a surveillance socialist state constantly interfering uselessly in people's lives. The population has sleepwalked into this and doesn't even realise what is happening.
Come back Tory twits, all is forgiven - well almost.
I'm all for discouraging smoking but social engineering by a government of hypocritical self seeking f uns uckers is unbearable.

Not for nothing is she known as "Red" Dawn Primarolo.

So the FSA have declared they are to get tough on insider dealing and other shenanigans (no that's not small Irish investors) in the markets.

Well I am thinking of starting an inquiry into my wifes spending budget and expenses. I stand about as much chance as the FSA have in getting a result.
They have about as much bite as a rottweiler with no teeth, (that's the FSA not the wife).
The USA system of policing their financial systems, although nowhere near perfect is far better than ours. They put fear into their systems, our pathetic FSA are good for a laugh but little else.
Until things are sorted we the PI's will always be playing against a loaded dice.

I have not read much how the change in CGT will effect the market at year end.
You have the lower level of CGT after the 5th, balanced against the loss of taper relief.
No doubt shares traded on the AIM will be the most volatile, due to that extra taper relief benefit being lost.
My feeling is that volumes traded on the 5th April could easily be of huge proportions with a similar turnover of volume on the 6th. A bit like the effect the bed and breakfast system used to have on these dates.

Would appreciate other views, comments.

Still would appreciate other views, either agreeing or not.

Don't forget 5th is Saturday! Changes flagged up reasonably in advance, so don't see why there should be last minute panic.

Greek,
I have been seeking clarification on what is likely to happen from the government, the treasury and the select committees.
Below are the astonishingly truthful answers they sent me.
Hope they help.

1) Remember the 5th April may or may not happen this year. It is by no means certain, though we appreciate how critical it is to know this so we have set up a Royal Commission to investigate the liklihood of such a date and they are due to report in September.

2)Pamphlets are being prepared explaining the regime changes, but due to a typing error these will not be available in anything except hindi until June, therefore we only expect minor selling in Dheli.

3) The treasuries official stance on this is that it is good for the working class families of Britain. Those not on any benefits will benefit enormously (both of them) and they couldn't care less about anyone else.

4) When asked, the FSA said "How should we know? we've only just worked out that the Northern Rock hasn't actually had more than the petty cash to lend out for the last few years. Just get on with it and if it turns out to be wrong, we'll prosecute the life out of everybody later. if we ever have anyone other than the cleaner spare to investigate, but shes likely to be assessing toxic loan exposure to Guernsey for the next few years".

5) Gordon Brown was unavailable for comment as he is busy counting votes in a polling station in Harare, but Tony Blair said he was aware of the problem and had suggested Labour get tough on April, tough on the causes of April, and was prepared to set up an enquiry as soon as he found someone who knew nothing about tax and owed him a favour.

6) Alistair Darling refused to comment, saying it was not a treasury issue, it was for the Bank of England, or The FSA, or the ECB, or the White Fish Authority, but not him. Never, no way, Christ don't I have enough on my plate.

Also had a reply from David Cameron, and one from the LibDems, but th signature on that one cannot be made out, though it does say party leader. I checked with LibDem house and they said they were not sure who the leader was today but were having a meeting to try and find out;

Tories are saying they don't understand the question, but it must be a stealth tax as they haven't thought up another name to slander it by, and their way would be better, please vote for us.
LibDems are saying both other ways are right and both are wrong, and they will work with any party that is in power to put it right by taxing milk bottles or something, providing they can have one of those little red boxes and a ministerial Jag to share.

Last one, promise..............

I've just had a note slipped under my door, made up of cut out newspaper print, saying that for 6000 in easily negotiated, used currency in a brown envelope left in the gents at Kings Cross, there are over 500 MP's willing to answer my questions. The rest are on holiday.
Alternatively, a 0%, dateless, 20 year loan of 12million to labour party funds gets me any change to the tax law I want and free sausage rolls at the Buck house garden parties, plus lifetime membership of the cronies club and a crummy title.
Tempting......................

No, no ............. don't stop Alan, I'm short of bedtime reading material at the moment; my missus has confiscated my Playboy mags.

Gotta stop, Kim.
I'm using up all the material for a wee book I'm being persuaded to write.
Perhaps available later this year, if i can persuade anyone to print the damn thing.................

Oh well, if that's the case.........erm, have you got a Playboy mag I could borrow then??

OK, I did ask for other views and as I did not state 'sensible' I admit I did leave myself open. Still not much bothered now as I have had a job offer. I have just contacted an MP (who because of privacy rules will obviously remain nameless) who I traced via a family tree search as a very distant 5th cousin via a 3rd aunt, who had a incestuous relationship with my uncle Mary who after a sex change became a practicing solicitor (we don't mention him/her in general conversation since he/she became a solicitor).
This MP has offered me a huge salary (as we are related) to work from home conducting research for 10 minutes a week, with double time if the 10 mins falls at the weekend. When I asked what I was to research, he told me I could research whatever I liked as if I was asked at a later date, I could say it was confidential.
I thought I better check if this was within the rules so I contacted Gorbals Mike, you know that working class bloke that lives the life of Riley (can you do that if your Scottish) and who spends our money like water. He said it would be totally against all rules both legal and moral, but if I came round and did some decorating at his pad and kept quite about it, he could fix it. I would be paid cash in hand and some sort of papers would need signing.
He also asked if I had ever been involved in fraud and/or money laundering, or if I knew anyone who had (presumable he was not counting members of parliament). When I informed him that I had never been associated with such persons, he said it was a pity as he was looking at improving the government system of hiding such matter from the public as they were now aware of the current fiddles.
I was so affronted by this I informed him I would report the conversation to the Commons Standards Committee and to the FSA.
Never heard anyone laugh so much. If you watch PMQT on Wed I put money on it that he will still be smirking, as he always does.

But seriously, I bet all these fiddling, corrupt b*****ds when they get together think it's one big joke.

I am wondering how it is, that I can trust our MPs to run the country but definitely not trust them to claim their expenses honestly. It's an oxymoron for sure.

And then I thought a whole pile of them are simply going to get kicked out at the next election. Accordingly, someone somewhere on the Internet, will be making a list of who they are so that the voters can be kept informed.

The hunt is on! Does anyone know where it is?

Hi ExecLine,

I think it will be the Tax Payer Alliance. Been a member for about a year now. Its free to sign up and well worth a read. As you will see they have quite a loud voice. It was from this organization that the official complaint came re Gorbals Mike.

http://www.taxpayersalliance.com/

Formula One teams and manufacturers are questioning whether Max Mosley can stay on as FIA president following a sex scandal.

Toyota, Honda, BMW and Mercedes-Benz all issued statements Thursday expressing disappointment over Mosley's behavior, but stopped short of calling for his resignation.

"Toyota Motorsport does not approve of any behavior which could be seen to damage Formula One's image, in particular any behavior which could be understood to be racist or anti-Semitic," the Japanese car maker said. "When all the facts are known, it will be for the FIA to decide whether Mr. Mosley has met the moral obligations which come with the position of FIA President."

More on this at HERE

The News of the World, reported Sunday that Mosley participated in sex acts with five prostitutes in a scenario that is believed to involve Nazi role-playing.

The newspaper had the video on their web site but it has since been taken down. It can however, be seen at 'Guess where? Correct!' on YouTube at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e32-sp2yZOw

Mosley doesn't appear to be our Lewis Hamilton's best friend either, and has in fact done the McLaren team down IMHO. I do hope the scum bag goes.

Well well ,what was he thinking ,what a crazy thing to do,,being left in a room with five prostitutes ,,i could have thought up a much better scenario than being whipped and abused.