Thought Id start this one going because its rather dead on this board at the moment and I suppose all my usual muckers are either at the Stella tennis event watching Dim Tim (lose again) or at Henly Regatta eating cucumber sandwiches (they wish,...NOT).

Anyway please feel free to just talk to yourself blast away and let it go on any company or subject you wish. Just wish Id thought of this one before.

cheers GF.

Up here in Yorkshire, we often think/dream about sheep. But Llama's, No! their too tall and much to fast to catch, or so I'm told. So they make shearing difficult, (what did you think I was talking about).
On hol's on Tues for 3 weeks. Will miss these sensible, deep, educational discussions.

They've flipped. They really have finally flipped.
There are 2 people left in the UK who do not know that smoking is bad for you. One hasn't moved from his padded cell for 16 years and the other one is Trevor.
Our glorious leaders have decided that rather than spend money in silly ways, like preventing people blowing themselves up, or making the economy worth more than 3.50, or stopping youths turning each other into a chalk outline on a pavement or helping to stop the world dissolving in a methane / co2 stew, or educating kids or any of the other things we would quite like them to do, they will spend a central American countrys national debt telling Trevor and his mate in the asylum that smoking perhaps is not very wise.
I am a smoker. I know it is not very good for me. Neither is a burger. Or 14 pints on a Friday night. Or a kebab afterwards.
So what is the point in the new three point plan to stop Trevor and the other one smoking?
1) No vending machines. The law was changed 17 years ago to prohibit the siting of a machine where purchases were not supervised. No need to remove it altogether to stop kids buying.
2) No displaying of cigarettes in shops. Ridiculous. Even with them on display and me pointing at what I want over the counter the average assistant (IQ somewhere between a cuttlefish and a linedancer) cannot get it right. Hiding them means employing something approaching humanity and that increases costs.
3) No 10 packs. Get real you bunch of dozy d**kheads. A smoker having to choose between no cigs but dinner money for the kids and a 20 pack and hungry kids will decide the kids need a diet.
Next up; All processed food behind locked cabinets and buying beer being seen as akin to wandering into your local blockbuster and asking for videos of children.
Oh and by the way. When we all live to be 106, the pensions have run out and taxes are running at 98%, you'll know the government won its fight against the last 2 smokers.

My last post before hols (just like Custer's last stand, pre Viagra of course).
Following the funeral of a young boy who drowned in some flooded gravel pits a few weeks ago, yet another useless, money wasted survey was carried out. It was announced this am on BBC news that this survey found that more persons drown or have life threatening accidents in such locations during the summer months than the winter months. I would never have guessed.
And presumably more people drown in areas where there is more water than drown in areas where there is very little. But that's just silly.

Oh my prophetic soul!!!!!
Yesterday I moaned the government were tackling smoking issues rather than slightly more serious issues. One I highlighted was youths killing each other.
Today, the bad news is that several have done just that.
The good news is that none of them were smoking at the time. Or going too fast. Or dropping litter, so presumably Gordon can argue that his policies are vindicated.
I really am in despair. I love my country. I am a passionate patriot and saluter of the union flag. I just feel I cannot live here any more.
If I thought, just for one moment I could live somewhere that is free of this crap, and still have my kids well educated in their native tongue, I would be on the next plane. I really would. I will always be proud to be British. Proud of our history, heritage and humour. Proud of our standing as a world leading moderate nation of integrity, ingenuity, honesty and self reliant strength (politicians excepted). But now I feel ashamed. Ashamed of a society that can be led by people who think rearranging the deckchairs on Titanic was a prudent policy move.
We are sinking guys!! We need strong leadership and an end to stupid big brother policies. We need someone to cut through the crap, tell everyone a few home truths and damn those that want to live outside the law and societys values.
I live in fear. Not of idiots on the streets or rucksacks with a ticking noise, but of making the wrong choice for my kids. Is education that important when compared to living in a more reasonable and just society? I want both for them but fear I cannot.

the police said it is being treated as "suspicious". it may not have been a bomb just a cleaner mixing bleach with some other toilet cleaner.

These being the police who arrived at the scene of an explosion, to find a burned and lacerated man, in possession of a rucksack packed with explosives and nails, and known by them to be both mentally unstable, a convert to a fanatical branch of a religion who are trying to wipe everyone else out and in constant touch with known terrorist cells. All these facts were known when police called it suspicious.
Yes it could have been a bleach based instance or a solvent abuser getting it wrong.
In much the same way as the bloke with the mask, stripy jumper and crowbar climbing in your bedroom window at 3am COULD be an innocent fancy dress party goer getting a little lost and asking for directions.
First impressions can be so unfair.

Alan,

Re your post 'Oh my prophetic soul'.
I couldn't agree more. The only thing keeping me here, even in todays shrinking world re travel, we wish to be reasonably close to our family and see them regularly. If they would all emigrate with us, we would be off like a shot. England, English, almost unrecognizable.
Right that definitely is it for 3 weeks. Motorhome packed and we are off.
Best to all. Keep it going.
Greek.

The only thing that keeps me in the UK is that its the best place in the world to travel from - preferably for as long and as far as you can afford!

Alan, 'If I thought, just for one moment I could live somewhere that is free of this crap, and still have my kids well educated in their native tongue, I would be on the next plane.'

Try Australia or New Zealand - in many ways like the UK was 50 years ago.I'd go tomorrow if it wasn't for my wife - she'd want to come with me!

P.S. Any Ella Fitzgerald fans here?

Oblo,
Unfortunately my experience and qualifications are not "in demand" in these places (or anywhere else for that matter).
I was thinking a little more rural EU cos when it asks about education for the points system anywhere else, I can only put the University of Life and the School of Hard Knocks (with a post graduate degree in what some bloke in the pub told me and a doctorate in "it stands to reason").
Anyway. If anyone has any good ideas on fiddling the sytem for NZ or Canada, or how I can ensure good education for my kids in the EU, I would be delighted to know more!!

Glad to say mine are off hand as far as support is concerned, although still living at home. Can only hope things have improved by the time any Grandchildren are at education age. Certainly wouldn't advise them against emigrating if opportunity arises in the future. You never know, they may even drag poor old Mum & Dad with them. Mind you they do say that when all looks lost and everyone starts to capitulate that is the time when things begin to turn for the best. Perhaps we have just not noticed. Any good contrarians about ?

were you all asleep when the Crewe result was announced , of course things are on the turn

There you are Alan - move to Crewe!


The poor man's Australia!

Imagine the scene;
There you are, laid on your bed, worries of work and bills far away back at home. You are idly reading the morning paper as you put your dirty washing in to the bag for the laundry service. You have been down to have breakfast and now you are wondering what to do with your time today.
Go for a stroll for an hour? Nip down to the games room and play a little table tennis, or pool? Go to the well equipped gymnasium and start that get fit regime you had been thinking of? Or just laze around and read a good book, perhaps watch a DVD later?
Then in comes a member of staff and tells you that your time here has been cut short due to unforseen circumstances. The organisation that has supplied your tansportation and accomodation has run out of money and you will be sent home early.
I don't know about you lot, but I would be on the phone to ABTA or ATOL pretty damn quick and demanding some compensation.
So spare a thought this morning for those unlucky souls who are suffering this due to overbooking at the Hotel HMP, and cannot claim through ABTA because their operator, HM Prison Service is not ABTA bonded.
They have to leave a carefree life of no cooking or bills, and free 24 hour entertainment just because they forgot to stove someones head in when they stole from his house. A terrible sign of an economy in crisis when we cannot afford to keep these people in the style they are accustomed to.

I agree wholeheartedly.

One reason the prisons are so full, is that the sentence is too short and is not really a deterrent. Another is that life inside prison is so damn cushy.

Perhaps some ABTA bondage would solve that. I'm not sure really. Is it S and M?

Probably not, eh? More like M & S at present, I reckon. "This is not just prison. It's M & S prison."

Much to my shame, I have a friend in Pentonville Prison.
On the odd occassion I get to speak to him, he regularly bemoans the quality of his life there. He complains about a lack of discipline that makes him fear for his life in the social areas and when out on the landing, and that all the career cons just take the pi55 out of prison staff, knowing the board of visitors will side with them.
He hates it in there and has promised me he will never go back. It frightens him, the way prisoners talk openly about their crimes and what they intend to do when they get out.
I am trying to help him. I have recently been searching for another job for him as life as a prison officer does not suit him. He cannot stand anymore to see how much better off many of the prisoners are over his existence.
The above is actually true!!

I've just recently bought a holiday flat in Cornwall and it's a different life down there---sun sea and sand! only problem is the mortgage!! if anyone wants a great holiday at Fistral beach it's available at beach retreats.co .uk no prisoners need apply!!

Congratulations to everyone living in Surrey.
I refer to your police chief Mr Mark Rowley who has uttered the phrases, "return to common sense" and "ignore the government".
Wonderful. He can see that the public are a little fed up with targeting minor issues and wants his force to use discretion in minor cases and go for the stuff that local people tell him matters to them. He could start by arresting the most criminal elements of local society, ie MPs and councillors.
At the opposite end of the spectrum, Dawn Pimlico (or whatever her name is) has announced her ideas for stopping teenagers smoking. This is, of course, laudable, but this delightful woman has obviously never met a teenager. She is showing all the social consciousness of a sherry trifle and the awareness of how teenagers react normally associated with a concussed duckling.
She has decreed (this is new labour, they don't announce, they decree) that to stop teenagers smoking they will virtually outlaw cigarettes. Bans on advertising, branding, displaying and vending. Time for a little social history.
Drugs were a problem in the UK until they were outlawed. Now they are a fact of life, with the most abuse in Europe. Our laws on alcohol were the strictest in Europe, and in most cases still are. We have more binge drinking and alcohol related crime than anywhere. We have made petrol and diesel stupidly expensive compared with the rest of the world to cut down on emmissions. Result? Bootleg diesel and petrol theft from cars.
Have we spotted a pattern yet Dawn??
Lets try this;
Understand teenagers, Dawn. Under-age sex was a small issue until we decided to educate teenagers on the problem and warn them of the dangers. Now we have the highest teenage pregnancy rate in the developed world. I hope we are getting through here.
If not, then surely you remember what happened the last time a government tried to outlaw something the public wanted to buy? 1920's America? Prohibition? At least the yanks had Elliot Ness. You have Mark Rowley and he seems to have his head screwed on. He might just ignore people having a quiet fag and arrest murderers and rapists instead.
In summary them, Dawn intends to increase teenage smoking by the attraction of prohibition and introduce the latest version of the Mafia to a whole new market, right here in the UK.
God bless you, Dawn, but it won't help your pal Gordon become more popular.

Here's the news about the four police forces who are breaking the mould mold:

From http://news.bbc.co.uk/....

Officers 'to use own judgement'
Saturday, 31 May 2008

Four police forces are to abandon government targets and allow officers to decide whether to make arrests.

The "common-sense approach" being tried by the Surrey, Leicestershire, West Midlands and Staffordshire forces has been welcomed by the Home Office. Government targets have been criticised for encouraging officers to focus on minor rather than serious crimes.

Temporary Surrey police chief Mark Rowley said, "The public did not want officers to be "compelled" to always arrest people."

'Common-sense resolutions'

The schemes follow recommendations outlined in Sir Ronnie Flanagan's review of policing, which was published in February.

Sir Ronnie said, "Police did not need to collect the same amount of paperwork for a broken window as a murder. By cutting red tape at least five million man hours - or 2,500 officers - could be saved."

Surrey is currently one of the best performing police forces in the country, but Chief Constable Rowley said he was prepared for a poorer performance rating this year.

"When the public contact us about minor disputes and incidents, they want practical, common-sense resolutions," he said.

"This can range from arrests when a minor incident is the tip of an iceberg, to advice and informal solutions when it is not. They do not want officers to feel compelled to record all incidents as crimes and to always arrest those involved, simply to hit targets. I want our officers to apply their professional judgement and discretion to do the right thing."

'Better use of time'

Surrey gave as an example that under current national guidelines, a complaint that a child had damaged a neighbour's greenhouse with a football would automatically result in a criminal damage offence being recorded and an investigation being started.

"Now, however, it may be possible to quickly establish that the damage was accidental and the child's family have offered to pay for a repair. The neighbour's complaint is solved, the child is not unnecessarily criminalised, and the time required for police to complete the paperwork for a crime investigation can be put to better use dealing with other public concerns," it said.

The Home Office said it was aware the police forces were about to start pilots "that will enable officers to use their professional judgement to determine the level of detail in recording of crimes. The aim is to reduce unnecessary bureaucracy, with the agreed principle that all allegations of crime will be recorded to ensure compliance with the national crime recording standards to ensure transparency, integrity and public confidence in the process."

The Association of Chief Police Officers commended the government for recognising that the burdens of targets now outweighed some of the benefits.

Oh Dear.
The nanny state really is creeping in everywhere. My beloved game of cricket has been nannied in the past and looks like it may be again. This time over the quality of helmets.
For those who do not follow the sport (why not?) this week saw a Kiwi batsman suffer a little unplanned amatuer dentistry when a fast bouncer hit his face, and a west indian given a general anaesthetic by the same kind of ball. Both were wearing helmets.
Those kindly souls who run the world now think that helmets are not good enough. I (it will not suprise you) disagree.
I play league cricket and have played to a very high standard. I have faced bowling of almost 90mph, though nowadays I rarely see anything over 80mph. So I understand the game of someone trying to take your head off.
This is a key weapon in a pace bowlers armoury. He doesn't want to hurt you, he wants you to be so shit scared you lose control of your own batting (and possibly your bladder). His fielders will join in and give you hell. If you can play the short ball, he will stop and go for good line and length to get you out. If you cannot, he will fire more and more in at you.
Sometimes even this isn't necessary. I have seen many a batsman go to pieces because he merely thinks the short stuff is coming. A short leg, or a man placed for the hook is often enough to make them think they are about to have one whistle past their ears. Take away that threat and the game goes a bit girly.
Give a batsman all over, perfect protection and he will not be threatened at all. Worse than that, he will never learn to play the short ball, which may be even more dangerous.
I really think that the cricket dictat of years ago, that all under 19's must wear a helmet was partly responsible. I have never worn a helmet, and as bowlers got quicker as I grew up, so I got better and more confident in my ability to defend a bouncer. Now, if a bowler tries it on, I usually try to knock it out of the ground. 2 of them means he won't send any more. Younger players now wear a helmet as a matter of course, but send them a bouncer and they still go to pieces, because they never learnt to play one.
We must remember that batting is not just skill and power, but more importantly it is about patience and courage. I would hate to see those disappear, so bring on the bouncer and let the batsman learn to cope. It leads to a more gladiatorial game, and thats good.

At last. A chance for the more stupid among us (mainly me) to feel a glow of superiority. An opportunity to tell a story in the pub and start it with "I thought I was thick, but"........
A time for being able to sneer at someone elses lack of sense, rather than someone doing it to us.
Take your pick from the following criminals;

Carl Cook and Chris Jones who decided to hold up a local boozer in Dorset. On the hottest day of the year, in Mid July, they decided the perfect disguise was to wear thick Parka coats, furry hats and thick scarves around their faces. It had hit 100 degees out there, and they even set off 5 hours too early. Leaving them sat in the car waiting in those temperatures. Not suprisingly, people got suspicious and reported them. They were arrested very quickly after the robbery.

A man in Northumbria was no better. He decided to steal a neighbours bike from his shed, in the middle of the night, immediately after a snowfall. It was his misfortune to be arrested by coppers smart enough to follow the tyre tracks and footprints through fresh snow.

What about Peter Addison, who broke into the managers office of a campsite, stole what he wanted and then wrote Peter Addison was here in black marker all over the walls. A clue even our dozy coppers couldn't overlook.

My favourite is a criminal in Chicago, who turned up to rob a garage. He held up the staff and demanded money. He'd got it about right so far. When they said they had none and he would have to wait for the boss to come in (he was always a bit late) he said he was too busy to wait. Instead he gave them his phone number and asked them to ring him when the boss turned up for work.