Thought Id start this one going because its rather dead on this board at the moment and I suppose all my usual muckers are either at the Stella tennis event watching Dim Tim (lose again) or at Henly Regatta eating cucumber sandwiches (they wish,...NOT).

Anyway please feel free to just talk to yourself blast away and let it go on any company or subject you wish. Just wish Id thought of this one before.

cheers GF.

I had great fun today.
Thought I'd share it with you as a way to brighten up a boring wednesday.
Went to my local DSS to see if I could apply for any disability or incapacity benefits. I had read somewhere of conditions that can apply, and I thought it would be fun to feign a couple and see how far I got, so I claimed as a sufferer of dwarfism.
The girl behind the desk politely pointed out that to have dwarfism, one must be a dwarf, and I stand about 5'10''.
This, I explained was the tragedy of it all. Being born a dwarf was an unlucky genetic event, but worse than that, I suffered from the same giganticism as Robert Wadlow, the worlds tallest man. Surely, I said, I can claim double.
This put her on the offensive as she lost sight of the fact I had neither condition and she explained that I could claim under either, but not both.
She then contacted the medical department to enquire if Dwarfism and giganticism were claimable and at what rate, subject to medical tests.
Finally she offered me half a tree worth of pamphlets and offered to book me in to see the DSS doctor (which I politely declined) and wished me luck in my claim and hoped my doctor could help me find a cure, or live a normal life.
If you can keep a straight face, its great fun, and given how easy it is to confuse these civil servants, I might even go through with the claim!
Tomorrow, I think I'll try another office telling them that I am an agrophobic hyperchondriac claustrophobic, and even though I am not bothered by open spaces or closed spaces, I must have something wrong with me about them.

Now heres a thing.

FSA rules on referring clients to other sources of advice are very clear.
If you go to a tied advisor for any financial product and they do not have anything suitable for you, they can either send you away, or refer you to an independant. They must not refer you to a tied advisor or to a product provider. Period.
The reason is simple. If I work for Barclays bank and you want a 95% mortgage, I cannot help you. If I told you to go next door to HSBC, that can be read by the client as a recommendation to use HSBC, but I, as na advisor, do not have sufficient knowledge of their product and policy to make that kind of recommendation. If I did have, I would be an independant.
So how come the FSA masters (the government) find it acceptable this morning to announce that all Northern Rock borrowers as they come to the end of their deal, will be sent a letter recommending they speak to Lloyds/TSB?
In their own rules they explicitly state this is not acceptable practice, and in their latest jargon filled dictat ("Treating Customers Fairly") it is implicit that where a client cannot be assisted the regulated company must point them either towards the FSA website, or to an independant.
One rule for one.................................

IMO the government don't make rules Alan, only promises; if they made rules there is a small chance they would have to stick to them!

The general idea surely, is to find out what the rules are, before one starts to break them?

Not if you are leader of the Conservative Party's MEPs apparently!
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/7437493.stm

I see this Tory MEP's family firm - founded by his father to publish maps - has received 445,000 since 1996 from EU coffers "in connection with secretarial and assistant services for the European Parliament, constituency and committee work".

A contract for the arrangement was formally registered with the European Parliament, but a rule change notified to all MEPs about five years ago prohibited channelling MEPs' expenses for their parliamentary staff through companies of which they are a member.

Hmmm?

"....channelling MEPs' expenses for their parliamentary staff through companies of which they are a member..."

Sounds a bit like 'Laundry companies' to me. Good job they've stopped it, eh?

I think, come the next pertinent elections, lots of MPs (ie, General Election) and MEPs are just not going to get re-elected. Like the self-interested greedy pigs they really are, they are going to be made to lose their troughs!

It will be interesting eventually, to see the site on the Internet, that brings our attention to these 'snouts in the troughers'.

20 recently gained, and so quite 'newish', American civil liberties

Been thinking about Zimbabwe.
Crazed gangs roaming the streets beating up inncocent bystanders or murdering them in cold blood.
An electoral system that always delivers a power crazed lunatic hell bent on destruction as the winner.
Economic conditions beyond our ken, meaning inflation and unemployment are huge and getting worse.
An educational system in tatters due to meddling politicians dictating what can and cannot be taught.
Minority interests seizing land and houses from people who have lived in them years.
Many of the population unable to afford to feed or clothe themselves.
A health system where only the rich with spare money can get decent healthcare, providing they can find a doctor or dentist who will accept them.
A government telling everyone what they can and cannot do or think, and a nonexistant constitution that allows the rulers to do whatever they want, whenever they want it.
I am fed up with all the above in the UK and am considering applying to move to Zimbabwe, where conditions appear much better. I am hopeful of qualifying as an asylum seeker as I only need to prove I am safer and economically better off in Zimbabwe than here.
Should be a doddle, but if not I might look at Korea.

I`ll join you.

Just discovered a problem with asylum in Zimbabwe.
You have to show you are persecuted in your home country.
I am a smoker and I drive a big car, so no problem for me. What about you?????

Apparently, in Zimbabwe the Military Junta are sharing power with Mugabe, so it might be an idea to stay here instead.

:-(

If this information is correct, then God help Ronaldo:

Cristiano Ronaldo has refused to sanction a visit from Sir Alex Ferguson to Portugal's Euro 2008 training base in Switzerland.

Ferguson was willing to cut short a holiday in France to attempt to convince his player to stay at Old Trafford and even had the blessing of his counterpart with Portugal should the winger agree.

But Ronaldo reportedly told his teammates that Ferguson is not welcome, ..... MORE

Breaking News..................

Ireland has suffered its worst ever air crash.
A twin seater Cessna has crashed into a cemetary in Donegal. Rescue workers have so far found 138 bodies, but say excavation work may take days with many more still buried.
More to follow.........................

Can you tell I'm bored??????

Somebody cheer me up please.
I would be particularly interested to read any opinion polls on who the public think would make the most popular prime minister. Gordon Brown, David Cameron or Osama bin Laden. With the state of UK politics I've got a fiver on with Ladbrokes that it will be Osama.
Short odds though.

Wish I hadn't had a go at the NHS recently.
I now withdraw all bad comments and opinions about them, unreservedly(ish).
I had something of a need for them on Sunday and my thanks to all at St James & Leeds General Infirmary (except the trainee nurse at Jimmies A&E who didn't have a clue).
I now have a claim to fame!!!!
I played the ultimate captains innings in my cricket cup match on Sunday. With the wickets falling around me we needed 36 to win. I set about a spinner and hit a very rapid 31 not out for victory. Nothing too special apart from the fact I was having a heart attack at the time (I swear it is true).
Ambulance after the match and the hospital(s) were great except as I was sat in the A&E at Jimmies and the registrar went mad with a junior nurse who had me sat in a cubicle. He ranted at her to get me into Resus very quickly, and she blushed, looked at me and said "follow me", leaving me to walk the few dozen yards behind her into the resusitation rooms.
I think she was in a spot of bother afterwards.
Wonderful quacks at the LGI.
3 days and 1 angioplast later and I'm home!!
The NHS is fantastic, I won't have a word said against them (for a few weeks anyway) and I might have done enough to keep the captaincy when I return to cricket.
Not a bad weekend, all in all.

Bloody hell.

Couldn't you have walked to hospital Alan, instead of using valuable resources/polluting the atmosphere by going in an ambulance? Shame on you!

Take it easy, make sure 'er indoors gives you plenty of sympathy etc and, erm, lay off the cigs for a while, and leave me to drink a toast to a full recovery!

Steve

Been warned off over enthusiastic sympathy from the missus for a while :-(((
The ciggies are somewhat less frequent at the mo, but no doubt I will be nagged about that when the nurse comes to abuse me.
Quote of the week competitor;
Paramedic (in back of ambulance) "Are you having any kind of panic attack, Alan?"
Me, "Not yet, I haven't seen your qualifications, or the standard of your mates driving, but I'll let you know".
The wondeful thing about any illness is the opportunity to air ones humour.

By "etc" I meant cups of tea and weak soup, what else? ;o)

Nice quote!

"...leaving me to walk the few dozen yards behind her into the resusitation rooms..."

Sheesh! Hmmm? This stuff reminds me of a trip to the doctor's surgery quite a few years ago.....

"And when do you get the angina?"

"Well, Doctor, even sometimes in the evening, whilst I'm sat on the settee watching the telly."

"Well, just sit there and don't move, whilst I make a couple of phone calls."

About 10-15 mins later, having been lifted onto a stretcher and taken to the hospital, I'm in a bed the heart ward at the local hospital. A senior nurse and her assistant instruct me that I am not so much as to lift a finger as they proceed to unbutton my clothes.

"We need to test for enzymes in your blood. If they are present or not, then that will tell us whether you have actually had a heart attack or not.

Until we get the result, we will assume you actually have had a heart attack. If you have, well, in the short term the only thing we can instruct you to do is to rest your potentially injured heart. It must not be exerted. You are not to move a muscle. Are you allergic to aspirin? No? Good. Please take these."

etc, etc.